Older lesbians— ok, I don’t understand?

I think it might be best to wait and see what she does next. If it was simply being caught off guard then she'll contact you after she calms down. I'd also keep in mind that just because she's older doesn't mean she knows what she wants or what to do with it when it's in infront of her lol

 

This must be so confusing to you.. The fact that you know she is a lesbian and how she was flirty indicates she likes you.
She clearly stated she wasn't into it. So, give her space.
Sometimes when friends go out they.don't split the bill. My friend and I did this a lot. We just alternated paying. Everyone is different though..
I don't know her personality but maybe she felt things were moving too soon and she was not into having relationship yet.
If you end up communicating, maybe tell her you like her as a person and would like to continue friendship (if you want to be friends). Let her know you got carried away and no need to worry.
If you don't have strong feelings for her, being light and friendly shouldn't be difficult.

 

Give her a bit of time. Maybe contact her in a while after she's had time to process things and see where she's at. Also, I think you are so very brave to have spoken honestly and openly. I wish I had your courage and confidence.

 

Hey so how long is it since you had lunch and she ran?

 

Have you spoken to her since?

What is it your friend said you shouldn't have done?

 

Ok. Did she reply to the email?

I get that meeting people and initial contact can be difficult but this sounds more difficult than the norm. It sôunds like there are a lot of old scars at work here.

 

And that is a special and great quality but and I don't want this to come across in a negative way you can't take responsibility for all her issues. Sure you can be respectful and try to help but she also has to help you and help herself.

 

We tend to feel responsible for and try to fix the situation by understanding and accommodating someone's shortcomings. It is a fair deal when the other side reciprocates by accommodating and doing things for us and is proactive, regardless of setbacks. If they are struggling but still want you at accept them, they are the ones to apologize and explain themselves.
That said, by being forward with her you did not take away her right to be proactive/in leading role.
Therefore, I think apologizing would only lower yourslf - you were open, if she can't deal with it, you are better than this.

 

It has nothing to do with age or Butch/femme in general it is her.

If you really have to change who you are to get someone, they are not worth it. I am 48 and my Butch is 50 and believe me, I chased her! I kissed her first and asked her to call me sometime and she did. I made the first move. Most butches actually are a little unsure if a femme likes them, so they usually hang back until you make your interest known. Sounds like to me that if you have to 'let her lead' she is insecure and not someone you want to spend your time on. If you start now with this, you will have to continue with her leading all through your relationship. I dated males who were like that, insecure and not happy because I wanted to lead in some things....I say you dodged a bullet, move on and find someone worth your time.

 

I think maybe it's worth giving her one last chance and seeing if you can find a common understanding where both parties are being accommodating. You of course know better than we do about what she has been through but at the same time just be wary that your feeling for her will cloud your judgement over what's acceptable or excusable. Keep us updated on how it goes.

 

Ok, this was bizarre behavior on her part. We've all been hurt, and I can sympathize that she has been through bad stuff, but fleeing when you told her you're attracted to her? I don't think that's merely her past issues or the age gap, etc. It sounds like she thought the lunch was something else and was shocked at the talk of attraction. I know you said you made it clear regarding your intentions but maybe she didn't get it earlier?
Honestly, if she felt the same for you, she wouldn't run away. Not letting her lead wouldn't result in her behaving this way...it's too drastic. She doesn't want what you want. It hurts but that's ok. The more you chase the more she will flee. I say let her go.
You've emailed her and the ball is in her court. If she doesn't respond, or responds with another "no," then you have to respect that and move on, regardless of her reasons. You deserve better.

 

@signmypapyrus i swear i would feel mixed up too! Especially after going out on a limb telling her how you felt. It's sweet that you care so much.
I would not apologise or even contact her.
I feel the next move is hers. Besides if she prefers to take the lead and you are comfortable with that then contacting her won't resolve it and could make it worse. Although it really sounds like she is not in the right head space for a relationship at the moment.