Hi there, I'm sorry but this is a pretty long post. This is very difficult for me. You see I'm a 72 year old male that's been happily married for 50 years. I had many sexual encounters (mainly mutual masturbation) with male friends between the ages of 12 to 21. In the time I've been married I've been faithful to my wife except on 2 occasions, both with men. The first was in a urinal in Sydney and the second with a doctor I was visiting. To be honest I've always enjoyed my M2M experiences. My wife knows nothing of these things or my current gay feelings and I don't want to talk to her about it for fear of hurting her. The problem is that my wife lost her interest in sex almost 20 years ago so I've needed to fall back on other options (regular masturbation). At about that time I started to watch porn and found the erotica I enjoyed most was watching guys alone or guys together. That developed over the years to the point that is all I watch now. Now, being in my 70's I have no idea how much time I have left to enjoy my sexuality. I can't explain why but I have this compulsion to tell someone my story, I guess you could say I desperately feel the need to 'come out' to someone about my experiences (although limited) and the things I'm feeling. I can't talk to my wife obviously but I have a gay friend of the family that has recently split with his long time partner. He's about my age and an ex professional guy. He's a really nice bloke too. Do you think it would be appropriate for me to lay my cards on the table with him. As I said I don't really know why I have this need to talk to someone about this but I somehow feel it might validate me. I would love to find a clean discrete partner to but have no idea how to go about it. I'd appreciate your advice. Thanks.
Welcome to the site! I'm glad you were able to get this all out. To answer part of your question - yes, I think it would be great if you were able to talk with your friend about your feelings and come out to him. However, reading between the lines of your post, I get the impression that part of your goal is also to see if he will want to be this "clean, discreet partner" you're looking for. I would actually suggest that you not do this - partly because you're essentially asking, here, if it's a good idea to (continue to) cheat on your wife. Doing this "discreetly" only perpetuates what you've essentially been doing all along - living in secret. As hard as it will be, my suggestion is to talk with your wife, too, and be as honest as you can be about who you are and what you need. You've been hiding the truth from many people in your life for a long time - probably yourself included, at times. Think of this as your chance to live as the person you really are. That could end up meaning more to you than you might realize.
Hi Gravity and thanks, I honestly don't believe I could talk to my wife about it. She was (is) extremely conservative sexually and being a christian (and I know this is ludicrous), she believes homosexuality is sinful. I guess you're right to a degree that I might have hoped our gay friend might suggest a liaison but, I wouldn't dare put the idea to him unless he led the way. As I said in my original post, I can't even begin to understand why I desperately feel the need to confide in someone. I just feel the need to talk to someone and tell them the things I've done and how I feel. Perhaps it's a cleansing thing? And strangely, I've never ever felt 'gay' as such and I've never, ever been attracted to a man or men. I know that sounds weird but there you go. What I am attracted to is (and I hope I can be this frank here) watching men (and women to a lesser extent) either masturbating or watching same sex or hetero couples pleasuring each other. I think it must be the empathy of understanding how pleasurable it is to be with someone and to give and receive an orgasm. I have enjoyed every encounter with other males through my life and have no regrets or guilt about them. However, with the exception of my teen years, not once have I ever solicited an encounter with a man, they were all impulsive.
It's understandable if you're not ready to talk with your wife yet. That's a big thing to suggest, I know, and I don't put it out there lightly. But, I do believe that honesty to others is going to be the chief virtue here, rather than looking for a liaison. If you feel like it's easier to start with your friend, then go ahead and start there. Again, my suggestion would be to go into it knowing that you won't suggest anything, and that you'll say no at least for now if he suggests anything. But you are of course free to do as you see fit - that's merely my suggestion.
Hi easy going My story is very very similar to yours, even down to the conservative wife. Have you thought about talking to someone from GAMMA nsw they might be able to help? Adz
