I found the toxic side of youtube and need reassurance.

Take your time on deciding what you truly are! I thought for 4 years about who I was and another 6 years till I decided to speak up about anything just the other day!. The people who think that it’s a phase are uneducated and ignorant. don’t see it like that. See it as you findings yourself. Don’t ignore your inner feelings. If the people distance you forget them find a new family in a partner or talk about it with them. I understand your sadness, I think any lgbtq person has been in that place, not that it’s mainstream but that everybody goes through rough times. I worry about work to in the future, but we all agree we shouldn’t go work somewhere where we are discriminated upon. Find somewhere accepting. And find a way to accept yourself it may take time but think down truly who do YOU want to be.
-Jessie

 

Like what Jessie had said take the time to think about it. Don't try to rush into feeling one way or another. EC is one of my other support teams the other is my therapist and friends although they're afraid of my mother. She goes after anyone like a pitbull when it comes to me which is ironic considering she's the one against me more than not. Try to not feel worthless, believe me I know it is hard not to. I also know the sleepless nights and how it feels to be cut off. Although I have a 50/50 chance of being cut out of my mother's life the closer I get to transisitioning because if she cuts me out she won't have money and she won't want to lose that or the chance that I might take care of her when she gets older. Although the money is more important to her I think.
Anyway just try to ease yourself into whatever you are comfortable with.
Try harder to realise you are valuable.

 

Some transgender people discover who they are after 20 or even later. It could be a phase, and it could be not. Even if this is a phase, probably you need this phase to grow.

When it comes to your family... just make sure you're financially independent and emotionally too, and can afford a negative reaction before you tell them.

If it makes you feel better Alex, I didn't know I'm bisexual and trans until I went into college, and some people might be setting up families at our age... but many don't. It depends where you live, I guess. I live in a large city. The only once who are not still "teens" in college and are getting married at this age, and have kids and already have the last partner they will ever have are devout Christians. Seriosuly. Or if someone is acting like this at this age, they finished their education and personal growth with graduating high school. And if it makes you feel better I made the wrong college major choice initially and had to begin anew. And a lot of my friends did too.

 

Hi AlexJames,

Wow!!! I almost had a panic attack just reading that post. Ok, first off, let's take a deep breath and see if we can't figure some of these things out. Or at the very least, see if we can't think in different terms.

Let me start out by telling you that I am 46 years old, and I began my transition about 2 years ago. So, I can assuredly tell you that, yes, it is possible that you can think something is up with you at a young age and then live 5,10, 20, or 30 years or so and not do anything about it. During which time, you can have an extremely happy and fulfilling life. So it is possible for one to not rush into things, and still be happy in the present and future. Oh, I also have clinical depression, ADHD, and anxiety, as well as the obvious gender dysphoria. So I too feel a lot of the things that you feel and are feeling. During the previous 36 years of my life, I didn't "ignore" what I was feeling inside. I just didn't dwell on it and give it the power to destroy me or ruin my life. In fact, if you are able to go back and read some of my other posts, I talk about the lack of knowledge about all things transgender when I was growing up. So, I never thought that I was trans growing up. I just knew something wasn't quite right. As I became older, and a bit more established in the world, I was able to really focus my attention to what it was that I was feeling inside. I was finally able to deal with it. That is just my story, albeit a very a bridged version of it. But nonetheless, now that I'm older, and I have given myself the ability to really delve within, I am 100% sure that this was not a phase. That's not to say that it's not possible to be a phase for someone else, especially a much younger person. So for you, if this is a phase, will you look back 40 years from now and "think about how dumb you were?" I don't know, maybe, maybe not. I hope not. I hope the future you would look at it more as an important moment in your life that helped you decide who you are. So quite honestly, It will depend on where you are in life, what you have accomplished, and what values you have developed over the course of time. So again, If you find that this is a phase, I hope the future you is able to not only give you a break, but also appreciate that you at least listened to your inner self, tried to see if this was the real you, and made you a better person because of it. Is this all just a byproduct of your upbringing? This is hard to say because we don't live in your household. From your brief description of your family, mmm, probably not? I mean it doesn't really sound like there is anybody in your family that is overtly allied. Some parents will go way too far to be looked at as progressive or cool and hip and if their child displays anything that they would deem NOT gender-typical, they fly off the edge and start their child transitioning. In most cases, I think they do it without realizing they are doing it. I always let my daughter know that I will love her and protect her now matter what. And left it at that. Last summer, she had a girlfriend. Now it was an online relationship (I know, YIKES, right?) but we nurtured it as far as making sure she knew it wasn't wrong for her to have a girlfriend and that we will always accept her and whomever she has a romantic interest in as long as that person cares for her. Since then, they had broken up, and my daughter started seeing a boy. And that's fine too. But you see, we didn't run out and go to a parade and cut her hair and make her display all thing rainbow. We just kinda let thing progress naturally and let her decide what she feels inside. She may look back on that summer 20 years from now and think "that was just a phase, and I was being stupid." I would hope not. I would hope that she looks back at that and at the very least says "I thought I may be a lesbian, but I know now that I am not. I am very appreciative of that moment of self discovery." So bringing it back to you, I'm no expert, but it just doesn't sound like your gender dysphoria is a byproduct of your upbringing. I hope I haven't lost ya. This got so long!!! I didn't mean for it to be this long. So I apologize for that. A couple more things, and I promise I'll be finished. Listen, don't write off your family without giving them an opportunity to accept you for being you. I wasted a full year being angry at my mom for not accepting me. And this was BEFORE I came out to her. I was just building up all that anger as a form of defense from being hurt by one of the most important people in my life. When I finally got up enough nerve to come out to her, she immediately told me she loved me. To this day, she still has questions. She'll accidentally misgender me or call me by my old name. I let slide because, first of all, it's just friggin' words. It doesn't hurt me, and it is NOT a form of violence in ANY way, shape or form. And secondly, because she is trying. She is making an effort because she loves me. Of course she's going to mess up from time to time. I'm not the only transitioning in my family. EVERYONE is transitioning with me. For me to expect everyone to remember to call me different pronouns and a name that is different from the one that they have always known me to go by is absurdly selfish, and unrealistic. You have to give them time to get used to calling you those things. My wife very rarely, if at all, messes up my name or pronouns. My daughter even less. But other friends and family may take a little longer. And that's fine. They're trying, and that's what counts. My patience with them will help, I'm sure. This kinda leads me into the next point about the federal, state, and local governments being against you, because really? Really? In what way have they specifically targeted AlexJames? Advise: Don't make your gender identity about politics. In fact don't make it about anyone else but you. ALL of that lip service you hear in the news is for their own political agendas. Don't get caught up in it. You should concentrate on more important things like, hmm, IDK, maybe your sexuality and gender identity. I can honestly tell you that I live in an area that does not have a whole lot of trans people. I have never been accused of using the wrong bathroom. Nor have I been the victim in any random acts of violence or hatred because I'm trans. Reason being is because nobody see's me as a transgender person. They only see me as a woman. And that is because I took the time to worry about me and not everyone else around me. It is the job of the pundits and constituents to scare you into thinking the world is coming to an end, or that they have the cure for cancer. They (republicans AND democrats) need your vote so they can continue to stay in office so that they can further line their greedy little pockets. Just be thankful right now, that you live in a country that isn't going to rape, torture or kill you just because you are even thinking about your gender identity. You have the freedom to believe in whatever you want to believe, and love whomever you want to love. Our greatest oppressions come from within. And the sooner you realize that the sooner you can become empowered. And trust me, there's no better feeling than that. If you are applying for a job, make sure you are the most qualified. If everyone is equally qualified, the people making the hiring decisions will go with whomever they feel will be most compatible with the company to make the working environment more conducive to be productive. Though they won't discriminate over the fact that you are trans, I can guarantee that they won't be interested in someone that is crying about pronouns. So empower yourself to not be concerned over such trivial things as pronouns, or whatever it is that is keeping you from being the best you possible. You are not a fuck up. You are a beautiful, young person that is unique to this world. As is everyone else on this planet. You will find your answers, and when you do, you will begin to find yourself. So you are seeing classmates getting married and starting families, and careers. You'll get there too!!! Much like your transition, it is going to take time and patients. You just have to allow yourself the time that it takes to be ready for all of that stuff. And yes, it is almost like being 13 all over again. It's exactly like puberty. Everyone will eventually get there... when it's their time.

Sheesh, that was quite the novel there. Again, I apologize for that. I hope you made it through the post to the end. If you did, I hope it helps you to be able to look at these issue at a different angle. Good luck, and be well!!!

 

на здоровье! It's not gonna kill you (in this country) if you come out. Even if it is a phase detransition is an option that many people take. I know it's hard, but you got some freinds from the other side (of your screen) I'm glad your alive, I love your posts