I made a resolution on December 30, that I would revisit my therapist and come out to her ...and now the big day is tomorrow! My heart is racing already. I had issues with my marriage at the time I had visited her a couple of years back (we have young kids and we live abroad, so we are still together), but I never gave out the slightest hint that I might be gay, so this is big news. It is only a few days since December 30, when I first came out to myself, finally telling myself "I am gay" and feeling good about it. Just good? Feeling fantastic! And scared of course. But it is a positive fear, if there is such a thing. I am 53 and I have repressed myself since first having a crush on a classmate in high school. At university I considered joinging a LGBT club, but never did. I tried crossedressing and I felt good and at the same time bad about my confused/mixed identity. I tried sex with a couple of guys in my thirties and pulled back at the last moment--I guess I wasn't ready. (That guilt, too!) I even avoided making lasting friendships with men, probably out of some dark fear of my true identity. My best friends are women. And now, amazingly, it feels so good to identity as gay. (Even if I might turn up to some degree bisexual. I had some wonderful sex with my wife in the past. But all that is in the past.) Right now, NOW, I just want to embrace myself and tell myself that I accept me as gay. Love and nurture this part of me, huge if not entire, that I have ignored, pushed around, closeted and punished all these years. And I hope, as I have read from other people's accounts, that I can even cry tomorrow,when I finally hear my own voice say I AM GAY. Tomorrow's the day!
So excited for you!! It seems you have come such a long way. Enjoy all of it. Its going to be great! Congrats on getting here!!
Thnak you so much! it's all so exciting and overwhelming. But I feel lighter and happier and more me already!
Haven't been to her for over 2 and a half months. There were other issues at the time. But you raise an interesting point. Are we such an open book to others?
Thank you. All went well. Though there are other issues that came up, like ADHD, that complicate thi gs a bit furrher. But it's all (I am all) a work-in-progress...
