Mum won't let me change my name. What do I do?

Put the name she chose as a middle name?

 

I would say that you may be able to compromise by using it as a middle name. My birth name was Ashley, but I changed my name to Bradley. I changed my middle name to Ashton. My dad was attached to Ashley as a name, so I was able to compromise with keeping it, but making it more masculine.

 

Do you want to keep the name she gave you in any way? While it's good that she is supportive, the fact she chose your name shouldn't hold you back. You had no say in your name and just because she likes something it isn't a reason for you do it - now you are choosing a name for yourself that represents your identity. So while keeping it as a middle can be a good compromise, do that only if you want to. Don't let the tyranny of parenthood dictate your name.

 

Could you let her to choose a new name for you? Or be included in that process? It seems like it's important for both of you. Could the new one resemble the old one?

I thought about that but my mom would have named me as something like "Candleturtle", "Greenpants" or "Beanpot". She really didn't get what I needed and got too exited about the second round of naming your child...

I changed my name twice because I couldn't handle my old feminine name and then because it came legal for me to have an actual male name and I couldn't handle my gender neutral name anymore. I wanted a different final name but the neutral one was really stuck and people got mad at me when I thought about changing it although I made clear that the neutral name was ok as a nickname. Finally I made a compromise. People rarely pick their names themselves anyway. I chose something that really resembles my neutral one so it's natural to use it as a nickname.

I couldn't pick the neutral one either really. It was the only one that was quite common but is more often male name. The other reason I did not want to keep it was because of so many other transmen choose the same name for the exact same reason. I felt like a marked man. Yeah, I just think that not many choose their name themselves anyway. It is like fate. Nomes est omen.

I think that it would have been on honor to be named by my parents for the second time. It would show a great deal of respect and acceptance from both sides.

 

So it's not a certain "no" yet.

 

If you like your birth name then incorporate it. Obviously, your situation and circumstances are your own but I was just saying that keeping just because she wants you to keep is not something you should have to do. From the sounds of it you like your birth name so retain.

I only say it again because it might be major marker in your personal narrative (depending on how important you see your name being) so you want to do what makes you happy.

 

Absolutely. And as you know you can change your name whenever you want to (from a legal perspective that is).

Hope you reach a decision you are happy with