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Warning signs of an abusive relationship?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Secrets5, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. Secrets5

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    Hello,

    I'm 19, don't want to date and especially not now. But I like to be prepared, so if I happen to get into a relationship, answers to this question will be very helpful.

    1. What are the warning signs of an abusive relationship?
    2. How can I approach the partner to try and reconcile a potentially abusive relationship?
    3. If reconcile is not working, how would I leave the relationship?
    3a. If we have been living for a while and it's my house we're staying at, how would I get them to leave my house?
    3b. Is there any gender/race/mental health/physical illness/class etc. differences in trying to get them to leave? If so, what are they?

    Thanks.
     
    #1 Secrets5, Dec 31, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2017
  2. Sawyer

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    Abuse can be both physical and emotional, or just emotional. I'm not a therapist, but I did have a step-aunt in an abusive relationship, and she kind of gave everyone some sound advice to learn to ditch something early on. I can only speak from her experience, but perhaps most abusive relationships follow the same kind of patterns.

    1. Jealousy and Possessiveness. If your s/o is not allowing you to live your own life, or you need their approval before you do anything--that's major warning sign. For my step-aunt, it didn't start off like that, but after the engagement, he cut her off from her friends and family. He had to be with her at all times and had to approve where she was going. If he didn't want to do something, she couldn't do it either. Most people are able to have a proper conversation, but if the person is getting irritated or angry for really no good reason -- it's most likely an abusive relationship.

    2. With an abusive relationship, there is a reconcile stage where you think they have changed but have not. If their true colours appear early on, it's best to leave before it becomes a long term relationship. Remember: no one is ever that angry to hit or emotionally destroy someone.

    3. If their colours appear late in the game, family intervention may be good. if you have a good support system it will be easier to leave. If it's severely violent and children are involved, there are shelters and maybe police intervention may be needed.

    3a. Police.

    3b. See above. If they are being abusive, all the above does not matter.
     
  3. Sek

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    1. The warning signs usually root themselves in hypersensitivity and irrationality; being a visceral person. These inner feelings that they possess can manifest in many ways, however they will mostly always demonstrate MANIPULATION as abusive relationships aim to control, in order to achieve some motive they have. Abusive people always have a motivation for acting the way they do, spotting red flags is important early on as they are usually given away through stories of childhood, or traumas that have happened in their life, etc.

    2. If you believe you are in an abusive relationship, there must be a one strike limit. Two famous quotes come to mind here: "fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, shame on you" (if you trick me once, that was my fault for being naive, however, if you trick me twice you are a bad person), and "when someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time" (when someone demonstrates a characteristic through their behaviour, i.e. abusiveness, believe them the first time - do not let future acts let you forget that they once chose to behave abusively or that they are likely to repeat that). If someone severely mistreats you to to the point of it being considered abusive, you must have the strength to walk away. Life is too short to gamble your wellbeing upon someone's changing of themselves.

    3/3a/3b. I truly pray that you never find yourself being stuck in a situation where you feel you cannot leave your relationship. My dear, never let yourself get into that kind of position. If you do, well, that's where my ability to draw upon personal experience ends, and all I could suggest would be using your wits and courage to judge the situation and act accordingly. There are people out there who can help you, but please prevent this situation from occurring in the first place.
     
    #3 Sek, Jan 2, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2018