Me and my boyfriend got into a fight last night. I kept saying that he didn't love me (because for some reason I just can't believe he does.) Anyway, then he started saying I didn't love him and kept accusing me of lying. I said I wasn't but he wouldn't listen. I have this thing where if people yell or get mad with me, or even raise their voice at me I get really bad panic attacks. And my boyfriend started getting really pissed off with me and that happened. I still love him. And I still want to be with him and I know he still loves me but I'm afraid he'll snap if I say the wrong thing. We made up and he said sorry and he feels really bad but I'm still terrified of him. When he texts me or tries to call me I get really nervous and start panicking. What do I do? I have no one to talk to because I'm not out to anyone yet so I came here. Also, I we're in a long distance relationship. Just thought I should add that. Please help me.
Hi Tyler4213, I think that in this situation you need to think about how your feelings could be affecting how you're perceiving your boyfriend's reactions. Has your boyfriend ever done anything in the past that would make you afraid that he'd react in a drastic way? I ask this because you mentioned you have a tendency to panic whenever people direct their anger towards you. I've also had to deal with a tendency to become very anxious whenever people showed any kind of anger towards me. In my case this was due to abuse when I was a kid, so whenever someone got angry with me my reflex was to anticipate the worst and I'd get scared that they'd let loose all their fury on me. It's not as bad now, but I can still feel the anxiety in those situations. I'm not saying that this is the case with you, but it's something to consider. Also, has he given you any reason to doubt that he does love you?
It sounds like there are some underlying problems here, that you and your boyfriend maybe haven't worked out yet completely. Why do you believe he couldn't possibly love you? What is he getting angry at you about (or is it just in the context of this argument)? Perhaps you and your boyfriend could each take some time to think about what's happening, and set aside a calm, neutral time to have a longer discussion about where you're both coming from and what each of you need. You might in addition just need some time to yourself to process the argument. If so, it's okay to say so and ask for that.
