I've posted on here a few times before, so I apologize if it's super annoying. But anyways, I have a quick question mostly for y'all who feel sexually fluid or bisexual. Also, I'm super new to this, so I apologize if I use the word sex when I'm suppose to be using gender. I recognize that being bisexual can be hard to notice growing up because its easy to overlook or not think much about same sex attraction when you definitely feel opposite sex attraction. So, for those who came to realize their sexual fluidity or bisexuality overtime, how did same sex attraction feel growing up? What did you recognize? Looking back, how were you able to tell whether it was an emulation/acknowledgement of presence/beauty or an actual attraction/crush? Does jealousy relate to attraction or is it just jealousy? I know everyone feels attraction very differently, so there's no right answer. I was just wanted to hear some of y'all's stories if you're willing to share. Thanks! xx
In my case, I've fantasized about them in a romantic and/or sexual way I consider it attraction and beyond just admiration of the person. There are a lot of women and men that I admire and find beautiful that I have no romantic or sexual interest in. For me sustained attraction goes beyond the physical so it's been easier to delineate lately between just finding someone beautiful and being attracted to/interested in them.
Hi again Well for me it was a lot less obvious probably due to denial. My attraction was less sexual and more in the form of a crush. I would feel a gravitation pull towards them, when they smiled it sent waves of happiness through my whole body, I got incredibly nervous and self-conscious around them, I wanted to impress them, and general things like that. It was easy to write off as friendship but there was always an uneasiness in my mind that said otherwise. It didn't even occur to me that I might not be straight until little while ago, but when it did, I've noticed all these signs from before. Again, not obvious per say, but definitely there. I mentioned this to someone else I think, but something to think about is do you want this person to be happy, or do YOU want to be the one to make them happy? Do you get jealous when boyfriends enter the picture? That's actually a huge one haha, if you despise a girl's boyfriend before you've met him, and you think you could treat her better, you probably have developed more than "friendship" feelings. I'm not sure where jealousy fits as far as being jealous of the girl herself however. I personally wouldn't view this as attraction, but rather as wanting to be her. But that's just my personal opinion. I would also say that the acknowledgement of beauty is quite different from being attracted to someone. Many straight women think "wow that woman has such a tiny waist" in more of a "I wish I had a waist like that" kind of sense. Lots of people can appreciate beauty without being attracted to it. I would say the line is drawn where okay, you see a woman with beautiful lips, and you think that. Now, do you feel like gravity is x10 between you, and you want to lean in and kiss her? Or do you think "she's really beautiful, I wish I had lips like hers". They're quite different. In my opinion, the admiration without the pull is just admiration. When you do feel attracted to someone, it's pretty unmistakable
I'm still questioning, but am pretty sure I have a strong preference for women.. Looking back, I think of these situations that might have been telling.. 1) age 14-15, I had a major, major crush on a female gym teacher 2) age 15, I had a friend that I had a crush on, I wrote letters to her and once I gave her a rose, I thought about her and admired her.. 3) at age 18, when my best friend started dating, I hated him so much, and was very jealous 4)Age 21: I had another friend that is very beautiful, once we were at a party, she was dancing and I was a little drunk, I remember looking at her and just uauuu (sexy, fuck, sexy, sexy) 5) Age 23: another friend, I just wanted to be with her, talk to her, hug her; I cried when we parted ways.. Never acted on anything, I resent my upbringing that made me repress all of these feelings... Do they seem same sex attraction or just normal friendship feelings? The sex thoughts happend with friend 4 and 5 but I repressed them very quickly..
In my opinion, I would say that there is some indication of same sex attraction--but honestly, I too have a hard time trying to identify some of my friendship experiences as well. I think platonic love certainly exists, but how far does that feeling go? Its hard not to embellish upon or deny feelings when thinking about this. But I think what NickiFire said can also say a lot about how you feel about a person within a friendship: "do you want them to be happy or do YOU want to make them happy." And even that is hard because who doesn't want to make their friend happy? But I think this is where the platonic love vs. romantic love diverges. What type of happiness do you want to bring this person, is it Love or is it a positive, supportive friendship? I'm really sorry that you were brought up in an environment that resulted you to repress feelings, I can't imagine how isolating that must feel. I hope you're in a place now where you can explore these feelings more deeply.
I'm in such a similar place to the OP/commenters. Despite one instance as a kid when I feel deeply in love with my best friend, I've only been questioning my sexuality the past year or so. I think it's so hard for women to draw the line between platonic and romantic love because female friendship can be so loving. Like nebraska jones, I can just feel a difference between both men and women that I find beautiful/hot but that I'm not attracted to vs men and women that I find beautiful/hot and that I *am* attracted to. I don't know why I'm attracted to some hot people and not others, but that's how it goes. I'm assuming you know when you like a man or not, so I'll just stick to women for now. I recently got over a major crush on a girl, and I was interested in her immediately, but not super strong at first. We both play ultimate frisbee together, so once I became more involved and saw her more, my crush grew immensely. I thought about her all the time, I got so nervous around her and felt like she was lighting me on fire when she was close to me, and I would sit in my bed and just think of cuddling with her. She brought her girlfriend to a party at my apartment and I cried when she left because I thought we were meant to get married. I'm not a super sexual person (which makes me question my sexuality constantly) but I did sometimes have sexual thoughts/feelings towards her, too. It's still so hard to know, though, because the crush was so strong but only lasted like 1.5-2 months (maybe because she started to seem like an asshole after). I think the only way to know for sure, if you're really questioning, is to try dating and sleeping with women that you think you have a crush on and see how you feel. It's okay for it to be confusing! We're all in this together!
I had never remotely considered it a possibility until I met my first and only boyfriend and in an instant discovered I clearly wasn't as straight as I thought I was. Joshua had everything I felt I was missing so it was a mixture of a crush and a degree of emulation. When I wore some of his clothes [don't ask!] I felt like I was him and had a proper identity.
Thanks for responding. And yea, I agree. Where some people know that they can feel attraction towards people without having to date/sleep with them, you also don't know until you try. I completely agree with you, female relationships can be a lot more 'loving', so its hard to recognize whether its a platonic love or a romantic love. And not to dump a story on y'all, but for example, I have had one crush on a friend that developed after I was already close with her for five years. At that time, I was a very closed off person due to an accumulation of negative experiences and she was the only friend that didn't get mad at me for all of the times I wanted to be mad at the world. But all the while, we were both feeling things for other people. I was also very jealous of her. She's has a petite and society's view on the perfect body proportions, and at the time I was struggling with weight gain and feeling ugly due to depression. I find it very interesting what mask1985 said about a mixture of crush and emulation, because her outfits were always unique to the point where I wanted to have a similar style and actually admittedly copied her a little bit. I wonder if that is a similar to the crush&emulation sensation. I liked spending time with her because she could relate to my 'fuck the world' attitude and her presence was just overall comforting since we share eerily similar life experiences. Funny story, we kissed a year or so before on a drunken dare at a dumb high school party and it didn't register feelings for me at the time. Obviously, relationships and feelings towards people change--but when I had a 'crush' on her, I wasn't reminiscing on the kiss at all, I actually just remembered that it happened now that I'm analyzing this relationship. I also never fantasized about her in an intimate/sexual way. We always joked about how great of roommates we would be, and like, if we ended up alone we should just marry each other. I have humored that idea about what That would be like once or twice in my head, but I never yearned for that per say. At least, I don't think so? So what is this feeling? Is it just a deep friendship? Is it more? I really don't know. And this 'crush' went away. I went on to date another person who I was attracted to, and she did her thing. I would always get frustrated because she makes very poor relationship decisions (not like I can talk), but it makes me mad to watch her be treated the way that she was being treated. And going back to what was said about "do you want her to be happy, or do YOU want to be the one to make her happy?" honestly, I just want her to be happy, but I also know that sometimes people love someone so much they just want them to be happy. I don't think that's the spin I have but its also an interesting thought. However, now that I'm trying to figure out my identity, I find that I'm pushing myself to imagine what it would be like to be more than just close friends. And it feels, weird? Now when I'm with her, I can't help but think, 'what if I just kissed her right now?" but its not in a 'I want to kiss and be close to her right now'. But like, if we did, I don't think I would hate it lol. At the end of the day, I appreciate my friendship with her, but its hard not to speculate on the platonic vs. romantic love situation. Sorry for the long post!!!
I was severely repressed so the signs were not obvious at all. When I finally realised my orientation, it was obvious that there were signs all along. Sometimes it is really difficult to understand the significance of why one does some things.Everyone interprets signs differently. NickiFire has mentioned many signs and there is a guy who behaves like that with me. He wants me to smile all the time and sometimes asks me to smile and is very nervous if alone with me. he does a lot of stuff to impress me and asks me if I noticed and liked it. He is disappointed if I haven't noticed! He wants me to be happy always and is happy to see me happy but it is difficult to know if he wants to be the ONE to make me happy. He is disappointed if I did something with someone else which he could have done with me. He is all ears when I mention the name of another guy. If he does not see me for some days he will say that he misses me. We are not talking about a teen here, he is in his thirties. But the problem is he has a girlfriend! He probably does not see these signs and does not realise it. Even if you act in a particular way you have to be in a certain state of mind to see them and interpret their significance.
