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As a trans person did choir ever make you uncomfortable?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by GlassWalls, Dec 5, 2017.

  1. GlassWalls

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    I'm curious to know because recently my old school got rid of their unisex uniform and that made me really upset because I feel like it's really discriminatory towards people to say that "boys" have to wear one uniform and "girls" have to wear another.
    I also wonder if being trans and in choir is hard because of voice changes?
    Have teachers been supportive of you wanting to sing in the section that matches your identity?
    I'm going to be talking to a conservative choir teacher pretty soon and I wanted to bring up some of the concerns of trans people because I want everyone to feel more comfortable in choir.
     
  2. Crisalide

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    OOOOH WELL where do I start from xD
    One of the first unconscious signs of being trans was me expecting to have a voice change since 13 «because it's more adult». I tried to sing an octave lower (while half of cis boys sang still high xD), didn't manage and so sang random low notes ignoring the melody LOL.
    I basically can't live more than one year without being in a choir xD so I didn't quit but in the while exercised at home in lowering the voice. I'm physically the highest and lightest soprano ever: I still can sing easily the highest part of "O Fortuna" and "Lachrymosa", imagine when I was just 14. First target was contralto-ness, and first weak results came at 16-17. At 17 I first managed to sing a very high tenor part and had fun at playing male characters at home. 19 was the first year without choir and without having to keep the voice high for its rehearsals, so I had more success in contralto-ness and high tenor-ness; however, choirmasters next year still heard my soprano's physical nature and put me among contralto only because I had (acquired on purpose xD) «difficulty in reaching high notes». I didn't pass the selections later because I was defeated by "true" contraltos, obviously.
    The next year, I entered a choir whose music I loved so much, despite having to sing very high soprano parts because there was so much lack of sopranos that the choirmaster paid me the trains to persuade me and resolve the issue. xD I was in full gender questioning mode and dysphoria worsened at every concert.
    In the months of pause between concerts, I managed to train the voice back to contralto-ness and for the first time sang fully a tenor's part. It was incredible. For the first time, I was union of body and mind: a person and not a character, using the voice of the soul, not just my fucking throat. It was probably unrealistic to hear, I mean probably I couldn't pass or sounded like a young young boy, but that voice is now one of the most precious things I own. My artificial voice - as I call it - allows me to keep singing and even talking without shutting up forever and communicating by gestures (as happened once).
    Before every concert, I have to train the voice high again. Then, I have to wait some weeks, even a month, pushing it patently back to contralto-ness and (when it's a good day) high-tenor-ness. But I stand it less and less and this Christmas there'll be the last one, because I started having anxiety and nausea before rehearsals.
    This is my long story of fight with vocal chords. Sorry but I'm deeply obsessed with singing. xD
    But what is "singing"? It's at the same time a moulding of the body, like any sport, which has to respect the features of the body to avoid its ruin; and the union of the most psysical part of soul and more spiritual part of body: breath, the gate to life, the expression of truth. True singing is at the same time perfectioned truth of the body and extreme truth of the mind.
    And I, as a trans person, can't let happen those things at the same time. I fake the voice of the body in order to reach the voice of the soul. That's "pseudo-singing".
    I can't wait for hrt to fix this thing. I don't always manage to honour my body instead of pushing it, stretching it with the right knowledge used for the "wrong" purpose.
    I want to become complete and sing with my soul. I want to become a person.
     
  3. Crisalide

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    Hopefully I never had to wear uniforms except once, but girls could choose between skirt or trousers. I'd suggest to do concerts with the baggiest (elegant) clothes someone has, because the stage multiplies dysphoria by ten: so many eyes watching, and a normal shirt or whatever suddenly feels like a thight band. So, may uniforms be not thight and skirts not mandatory.
    About sections... I don't know. Usually choirmasters choose 1) what is better for the choir's results 2) what is better for the development of the individual's voice. Exspecially for teenagers, whose voice is still transforming (even afab!), unnatural way and range of singing is to be avoided.
    Well, cis singers might accept it. Trans singers might understand more the need to mould the body to the point of risking its ruin. xD Anyway voice can be elastic and contraltos often sing as tenors, because tenors are rare and every choir has issues with them LOL; this is a card to play with the choirmaster if an afab person wants to sing among guys ;-)
     
  4. OtterGrump

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    This year I was going to audition for the advanced choirs at school because last year I was too anxious. I was still super anxious but the teacher was away for an extended period of time so he put me in one of the choirs anyway. It was women's chorale, not what I was hoping for. Their uniform is a dress. Even the other advanced choirs still have dresses for females. But I didn't want to stay in the regular choir because it really really sucked. I didn't want to go through another year of that. So a few weeks or into the school year it came time to order uniforms. People had to try on dresses, and I told a student who was helping my teacher that I would do it later or something. She came back two more times asking me to at least measure myself. So I stood up to ask my teacher if I could talk to him sometime after school perhaps because I wasn't sure how to say things yet. But then he asked if it was about the uniform and I said yes. He asked if I didn't want to wear a dress, I said yes. He asked me what I would be comfortable wearing, so I told him I would like to wear the uniform that the other guys wear. He was very nice about it. I was concerned that maybe he would be fond of the idea because he is very much about the uniformity and precision of the choirs. He doesn't allow shoes that have anything but black or pants that aren't dress pants. Of course no one really cared but I did so I got proper stuff to wear the previous years. I was concerned that it would kind of weird if I was the only one in the choir not wearing a dress.
    So far we have only had one performance which was during the assemblies at school, and that had all the choirs from grade ten and above so there were guys who were wearing the same thing as I was. I have yet to be on the stage with just the girls in dresses but that is coming up very soon. Overall I'm just really glad that my teacher is such an awesome guy. I was totally prepared to just not do performances and negotiate a deal to just go to classes. Just like in the years previous where I couldn't do my singing tests in front of the class because of my anxiety, I was prepared to just get a 0 on the test but he said I could try just in from of him. Still super anxious but so much better. I would never want another teacher or choir director, so I don't know what I'll be doing next year when I graduate :frowning2:
     
  5. Jinkies

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    This is the one part that contradicts everything I ever say about my gender!

    I don't like my natural voice to be too low. Buuuut, singing Bass is just too much fun! It really is. I have never had a bad time singing bass. Sure, I might not hit a couple notes below low C, but because bass is very simple, you get the rare enjoyment of not having to tweak your voice to nearly every note (unlike baritone and sometimes tenor).

    I also do like singing tenor, and I can sing pretty far well into alto. And sometimes it can be fun, but bass is still my favorite part to sing just because it's so neat.
     
    #5 Jinkies, Dec 5, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2017
  6. BrookeVL

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    As someone who can't sing if her life depended on it, yes choir did always make me nervous. I only did it because I had to(required in younger grades) then stopped when I was able. I think being trans may have something to do with why I hate my singing voice, though, as I've been told it's not THAT bad.
     
  7. rokara

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    I loved choir! My only regret about it was not joining until halfway through my 1st year of high school. It was the only place I could be completely at ease. It also helped that I had/have a very high singing voice for a biological male. I generally sang tenor/baritone, but I could get high enough to sing along with most of the alto and lower soprano parts (was always fun), but yet get low enough to sing along with teh basses if I wanted to (damn testosterone).

    I distictly remember one class period where the alto section was having issues with thier part in a song we were singing. On a whim I quietly joined in and somehow made them sound better and our instructor gave them kudos. I felt rather proud of myself after that lol
     
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  8. AlexTheGrey

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    As a young child, I was a soprano. I don't even know where I wound up, as the lower my voice got, the less I wanted to sing as part of choir anymore. If I catch myself singing by myself, it's usually to the higher pitched female voices, although I can't really do it very loud.
     
  9. confuzzled82

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    Back when I was in high school, I was in choir. They put me in the guys section. Usually they'd get SAB music. They kept trying to get me to sing Baritone. My voice wouldn't readily go that low. I often ended up singing the Alto part.


    Nothing wrong with liking singing bass. I throw people off when I sing Bing Crosby.
     
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  10. Crisalide

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    I forgot to say that I usually don't like when they say "women" instead of "sopranos/contraltos" and "men" instead of "tenors/basses". I wish they just said soprano-contralto-tenor-bass.
     
    #10 Crisalide, Dec 26, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2017
  11. anthracite

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    If I was expected to sing high, yes. I have never been in a choir. But when allowed to sing in my own range I was comfortable. I worked on the lower range a lot so I was proud to present it.
     
  12. Aberrance

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    Not choir but somewhat related. I remember being in a pop academy thing when I was around 10 and we used to split ourselves into sections depending on our vocal range to learn our harmonies and I always used to want to learn the low harmonies even though I couldn't hit those notes. It never really resonated why I used to do that and even when I thought back to it I wondered if I did it for attention but it could have been trans related, who knows.
     
    #12 Aberrance, Dec 26, 2017
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  13. E H Wildflower

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    This is exactly what I was thinking. This past semester there was another nonbinary person singing alto in my choir, and it's a sad kind of funny that with them and my soprano self in our 9-person group, the director says "ladies" to mean sopranos and altos, and doesn't realize that it doesn't work for 2/3 of the people he's talking to.
    I'm not sure how to suggest to my director that he just say "sopranos and altos" without opening a can of worms, though.
     
  14. BradThePug

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    I was in choir in middle school. I quit in high school because it was a lot more gender specific. I was a soprano, so the was a bit odd for me. I did enjoy singing, And I still do. I just hated being seen as female while I was in choir.