Lots of history i won't get into, but we both have worked together and currently go to the same church, which is an LGBT affirming Church. I kinda get the hot and then cold from this guy. Sometimes I think he's interested, other times I think he's ignoring me. Many times I have thought he's not interested at all, and I stop trying to talk to him so as not to make him feel weird/uncomfortable. And then other times he goes out of his way to talk to me or get my attention. The last couple of times we have seen each other, we chatted for a while. He didn't seem to be in a rush to leave when i was talking to him, however, usually he leaves quite quickly. One of the things I have noticed over time is that he's much shyer than I thought. He seems to be quite confident, but there's a shyness I have detected that I had not anticipated, i.e. him stumbling on words or being quiet as he talks to me. Which is fine, it just makes it more confusing to figure him out with the shyness. I could have taken that for him not being interested too, but when i had a longer chat, he was tracking in the conversation and since then has initiated conversation with me too. Anyways after talking to him for a while one time (i'd say we are more acquaintances than friends) and the next time I saw him I wasn't able to shake his hand when I saw him, so instead he leaned in for a hug. I wasn't expecting that. I know this could also mean that at this point I'm friend-zoned. But... as I am not out and although we both go to an affirming LGBT church and he is single and has been for a while, I'm not sure how to approach him and talk to him about my interest in getting to know him. Ultimately if we end up being friends I would be grateful for that. If it turns into something more, then that'd be what I'm interested in too. But in the meanwhile just being friends is great. What do you think? I know some advice is just to come out to him first, and let him process if he's comfortable with that. I'm not ready to come out to him just as is. It takes me time to build to that. Any thoughts?
Im in a somewhat similar situation, sort of. A lot of differences actually but the main thing is kinda the same. Honestly I'd say just try to be friends first so you can actually get to know him better. Try to hang out with just the two of you or maybe get his Snapchat or number.
I am person who is very shy myself, so here are some suggestions of what I would want from someone in your situation. Figure out something you like about them and compliment them on that. Try to make it something that a lover would compliment them on, but a platonic friend typically wouldn't, but not something that's too sexual. Maybe something like their smile or perhaps their style in clothing. If they have any thing that makes them stand out in a crowd, tell them "you look cute with..." or perhaps even say something like "I like guys who have...." The most important things are to be yourself, be sincere, and don't rush things. That's the best advice I can give right now.
I think Aptitude's advice is on the right track. Why not suggest doing something together, like going to a movie or going hiking or going swimming? It would be a way to get to know one another better with little or no pressure. If it works, great! If it doesn't, no big deal.
Try being friends first, which means connecting outside of church. Some options: ask him how his weekend was (or if he's doing anything for fun), and try to learn about shared interests, especially ones that you could do together (i.e. "I've been wanting to go for X, would you like to come along?"). Make sure that if you do propose a meeting, you have some specifics so it doesn't seem too vague. You might offer your number if he's unsure.
Wow. Thank you all for these suggestions. I've noticed that for some reason I'm really nervous when I am around him. And well, it doesn't help if he's also shy, that I am also starting to sense he may be nervous around me too. The last time I said hello to him, he didn't see me but I felt like he was turning a little red while we chatted. (definitely could be other reasons he turned red when he saw me too) I do want to connect with him about other things. We have worked together before (which means we have similar backgrounds) and we go to the same church (which also brings more commonality). I'm trying to move the conversation to other things we may have in common, but that's not so easy and where I'm currently having difficultly in transitioning and just asking how he is and what's going on in his life. LOL... why is something so easy so difficult? To be honest I'm nervous about social media, as I have added him on some, and every time I try talking to him on there, he does respond quickly but usually the convo's don't go far. HOWEVER, he does use a lot of emoji's. So i'm nervous to send him a random thing to say hi again and ask how he's doing on social media when those convo's don't go that far. The other thing is he's not always at church as I know he has to do some travelling, so I saw him last week, but don't know if i'll see him again for another couple of weeks.
You could ask if he is traveling right now and when he might be back etc... Show you are interested in him.
