Having come to the realization that I am gay within the last week, I wanted to ask something. Please forgive my naievety but I feel I suppressed my sexuality and physical feelings for most of my life. I never had that giddy feeling about girls I never saw the allure of a strip club. I would skip past the centerfold to see the pics of actual sex in a magazine. Once I was able to be comfortable with the probability that I was a gay man, I started to allow my mind to wander and “self explore” itself and it’s feelings and attractions. While reading out.com and the Pride sites, just looking at men, let alone reading articles about sex tips and dating tips, and do’s and dont’s, I have noticed physical reactions and psychological reactions I haven’t experienced before. Is this what it was like for anyone else? It is fun, sexy, a little scary, butterflies, deviously fun, and I don’t feel I should be ashamed. Is this what puberty should have been like?
I agree with @Lia444. From what I've read on EC, it appears to be a common part of the process. After I'd been on EC for a month or so, it was like a wall came down and all I could think about was women.
I am not complaining but does it work itself out or is this what people feel when they are comfortable with their sexuality? For me it is almost intoxicating if that makes sense? I would really like to get out there and start dating and experience more with my walls down but I have to wait until after Christmas to not spoil it all for my son.
Thank you, feels good to at least be free inside myself, although I’m too old to be like the brother in “I now pronounce you Chuck & Larry”. Lol
I do agree that it's pretty normal under the circumstances - after all, you're revisiting thoughts and emotions that you would have worked through years, or even decades, ago, and they have to go somewhere. And I also agree with the comment that some gay men never get past them. In fact, from what I've seem, a whole lot of gay men seem to be stranded in some kind of perpetual adolescence that they can't seem to grow out of. Personally I've had a few weird deja vu experiences. I took a vacation day and spent it just driving aimlessly around, which was something I always loved doing back before I was married, and when I was debating the possibiliy of coming out. By the end of the day I caught myself driving in the direction of the house I lived in back then, and was actually a little disoriented, because I felt so immersed in the feelings of 30 years ago. It was weird but oddly refreshing. I've also found myself reliving some very sad times in my life, such as the string of deaths in my family that were such a big part of my decision to get married and start my own family. More importantly and more positively, I've used those feelings of reboot and restart to change positions at my company and to take a hard look at some of my behaviors and emotions and try to improve them - kind of like a second chance to grow up, only with the control and (hopefully) wisdom of someone 30 years older. Coming out can be just the beginning of that second growing up, into a healthier and better adjusted person. Use the opportunity wisely!
Well, this tracks pretty well with my experiences over the first few years after coming out. It certainly does feel like a new puberty, but kinda less messed up cause it was more 'aimed correctly' and also, adulthood is still a better place to be. But it is weird! Cause it's a lot more adolescence than you'd think you'd be getting at this time. So, totally normal and also something that passes and something that you should enjoy too, also.
I think the only people that stay stuck in the 'second adolescent' phase are those who aren't self-aware and interested in personal growth and self improvement, or those who get stuck in unhealthy patterns of compulsive drug or sexual acting out. For the most part, what you are feeling now is odd and disorienting because it is new. As you become more accustomed to the feelings, they won't feel so out of place and will become simply a part of who you are, not the defining or even most prominent feeling.
Chip is right on. At first it does feel a little odd and disorienting add in the excitement of something new. As time goes on you will settle down and what your feeling becomes normal. That too is exciting as it indicates you are progressing in your journey to accepting your homosexuality as a normal facet of who you really are! Enjoy the ride.
I also felt the same as most people already stated. For me, it felt like a sexual bomb went off inside me. I remember at that time I told a friend that this is what teenage boys must feel like (except I'm a girl who likes girls). ❤️
This is true of this bi-guy too - its where I was happiest and things made the most sense although it wasn't without its difficulties.
Are there any resources anyone knows of for someone starting over and coming back into the world gay and leaving a straight marriage? I keep googling and I am not having much luck. I live in Southern California.
