Hello, I think I have a problem and I'm looking for some advice. First of all, I think I'm gay. I'm a man and I am sexually aroused by the male body. I'm 23 and I'm still a virgin. I'm closeted and nobody knows about my sexual orientation. There's an girl in my life, a friend, and I think circumstances might lead us to have sex soon. We're not a couple and it would probably be a one-time thing (she lives in another country, she came back to her hometown for Christmas). I must say I'm curious about having sex with a woman and I'd rather not back off, but what if things go wrong? How do I handle this? Is it a bad idea? All tips are welcome (remember I'm gay and a virgin). While she doesn't know about my sexuality, she does know I'm still a virgin. We were together years ago and even though we're only friends now, there's a deep connection between us. Should I ever be with a woman, I want it to be her.
I also worried a lot when with a woman as a gay man. The anxiety makes it worse. I remember not being able to get aroused and feeling terrible (we had drank a lot so this didn't help). Try to relax as much as possible. Don't put any expectation on the event or on yourself. It will give you performance anxiety. Try and just see it as two people getting naked and experimenting. I lost my virginity very belatedly. I can't actually who I lost it with as I was so nervous about everything.
Thanks for your reply Growing. Yeah, I'm trying to keep calm. Feeling the pressure only adds more pressure because I'm afraid of performance anxiety. I don't know if I'll get aroused enough, I just hope it won't be embarassing. Being so unexperienced doesn't help, either... I wish I was either gay or a virgin, not both :\
If you know you’re gay then why would you be curious about sleeping with a woman? Maybe you need to ask yourself that first. Just be careful because you don’t know how she’s feeling from her side. You say you guys are friends and you feel sex is coming up soon. It’s difficult to say how or what she’s feeling. If you want to make sure there will be no potential issues then you should be honest with her and let her know where you stand and that you’re just curious. That way she knows what she’s getting herself into. You should be fair with her.
This girl and I were together in hight school, then I broke up with her but we stayed friends. Our relation has been between "strong friendship" and "love" ever since, even though she had other boyfriends in the meantime. It's a deep bond and it's hard to explain. Now that she's single I think she's curious about sleeping with me (like, just once, to know what it's like) and I feel the same way towards her. We're meeting in a few days and she's given me a few hints. She knows I am a virgin and that I have insecurities when it comes to sexuality (I told her I wasn't ready back in high school). I don't feel like telling her about my sexual orientation, that would just be awkward and needless. She doesn't want to get back together, in fact she's probably about to start a relation with a guy she knows where she lives. I'm still 100% closeted and I'm not ready to tell anyone about my sexuality yet.
I’m just looking at it from her perspective. Sounds like you guys have a past and a deep bond. Currently she doesn’t know your gay, so she’s going to probably think she can have you in a “straight” way. Like you mentioned above, you guys have a deep bond, and she doesn’t know your gay. All I’m saying is that sleeping with her will only cause potential issues because she doesn’t know about your sexuality because you guys are already close. That’s all up to you and I’m just pointing out that possibility. I understand that you’re not ready to tell anyone about your sexuality, but it’s always better to be clear if you care about that person. If not, then your curiosity can wait. That’s just my take in it though.
I kind of have told her a couple of years ago, I told her I was unsure about my sexual orientation (in that time I was still unsure), but we never really spoke of that ever again. It felt like she didn't want to, I guess it was embarassing and awkward. Note that I'm not "giving her false hope", nor I am "using her for my experiments" or "playing with her feelings". She is the one who started this. She doesn't plan to get back together and she hinted she's planning to start a relation with a certain friend of hers when she returns to her coutry. She's curious because I refused to sleep together when we were in high school, that's all (I should be the one feeling used if I didn't have my own reasons to agree to this). I love her platonically, but sadly my body has a different opinion about it...
Well here's the thing. You want to make the most of the opportunity. Try this. Make a (not so) solemn vow that you are not going to come. That gets rid of the search for the "trophy orgasm." I mean really you hope you will, but try not to. That will keep you focused on actually appreciating feminine beauty. If you get too hooked on the big O, you miss out on important things like the neck, toes, fingers, etc.
