How-do-you-do

Not exactly sure what to say or where to start. Suppose I will begin with my name: you might call me Flynn. What is your opinion of the name? I think it a fine name but then it is rather short and I am not the least bit red-haired.

Something else you ought to know about me: I’ve a bit of restraint both in interaction and in expression, so, as a forewarning, I beg your pardon if I come across as cold. It is merely that I do not know you well enough to tease you yet. And when I say restraint, I mean I have not simply been in the closet, I have hidden myself in it, I might have even convinced myself that the closet I found myself in was not actually a closet at all. It has been that way for nearly eighteen years. I’ve only come to terms with myself but two days ago. Rather forcefully I think, for I had a strange dream that I was trapped in a sinking ship - but perhaps that was just the pressure of school exams? Regardless I still found myself researching the ftm transformation process (at first one search per night to space it out so no one would know, but temptation got the better of me and I forsook my discretion). At that point I began to actually consider the possibility of transitioning (I had put off thinking about it because I figured it would never work out, would cost too much money, I’d have no children, I’d end up somewhere in the intersection between male and female, etc etc). But I could think of nothing else - I could not study, could hardly sit through my exams, could not focus on anything - the prospect of becoming a man was all I could think about. Two days seems like a rather sudden revelation but I suppose it had come in waves throughout my childhood, I just didn’t realize. In the words of Elizabeth Bennet (though I daresay completely out of context): “It has been coming on so gradually, that I hardly know when it began.”

As to being uncomfortable as my gender assigned at birth, I do not despise it per se, though I do not like it either. I do not see myself as anything, I only feel that I exist. Likewise when I consider the future I know that I want to be a man, but I cannot picture myself as a man or woman, frankly I cannot picture myself at all. Perhaps I just have a poor imagination.

As this is an introduction I will attempt to resist another lengthy narrative, so, in short, I love history, humor, and old books, particularly The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle.

Well, that sums up the majority of what I wanted to say, though, I am sure, once I have posted this I will, inevitably, have something more to add. Nevertheless, how-do-you-do!

 

Thanks for the welcome
Merry Christmas!