Greetings friends, I'm excited to have found this awesome community! I have developed feelings for my neighbor although it seems to be going in a loop, and I would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this, as I'm lost as what to do at this point. It's not easy for me to share & be vulnerable, but I'm going to be honest & throw my cards on the table as to what is going on. About 2 years ago a lovely lady moved into my building, directly across from my unit. We first met in the laundry room & I felt an instant comfort with her and an instant attraction. I saw her days later with her girlfriend, which burst my lil bubble but I survived lol As time slowly went on, the way she looked at me changed, one from a simple attraction to emotional feelings, and I would catch her staring at me at times, as an example I took my dogs out for their daily walk & I felt someone intensely staring at me so I turned around & she was on her balcony just watching me, this happened on several occasions in different scenarios. Then she would find ways to spark up a conversation, very subtly, such as asking me a question. During this time, I was overweight, lacked confidence, was quite introverted & just wasn't in an optimal healthy space in my life overall. I was shocked such an attractive woman would find me sexually appealing, but she did. I never showed her I was attracted to her although I was always a nice friendly neighbor. I reacted this way b/c she was in a relationship & b/c I felt physically insecure. Fast forward about a year & I lost 40 pounds, which seemed to intensify her attraction towards me as did her actions on ways to see & talk to me. During this time, I stopped seeing her w/ her gf & she appeared to be single. Then I started running into her more often around the building & she always seemed to come around when I would walk my dogs or go to my storage cage. Our building is small so it's easy to hear everyone & we live across from each other so she knew when I would leave & vice versa. It was becoming obvious that she was doing whatever she could to see & talk to me, as 8/10 times she would appear minutes after I would go outside or to the garage area. Then one day I was working on my storage cage & she came down & started talking to me, she then proceeds to tell me that she is single & just friends w/ her now ex, nothing else but they still hang out together. We exchanged numbers & an hour later she texts me & we start chatting. Before I continue, the vulnerability part I mentioned earlier needs to be shared as this is a key part of the 'loop' we keep going through. I'm very insecure, ashamed & embarrassed about my body, for many reasons. First off, I'm still about 40lbs overweight & I have multiple genetic skin conditions such as keratosis pilaris & vein issues. Keratosis Pilaris is a genetic skin condition which produces skin cell blockage so tiny rough red bumps appear, which I have on almost all parts of my body. There's no cure for this & I've tried everything but no success. I also have stretch marks & scars on my body, so I never feel comfortable naked & never wear shorts. I'm scared that if I let her in & become sexually vulnerable with her, that she will lose her attraction towards me on a physical level. She's never seen me naked or in shorts so it would be a big surprise for her to see all my unsightly body issues, which have affected my past relationships as well. I understand the physical aspects of someone is not everything, however the truth is I have many body issues so at some point I figure it would be too much for her to handle. Then to top it off I worry if she did reject me due to these physical issues, I would be reminded of it daily due to us being neighbors, which wouldn't be fun for me! Based on all of these fears & insecurities, I have held back from her on many levels. When we first started texting I wasn't really my true self & I would delay my replies to her, as I was interested but everything for me always went back to my body issues & fear of rejection. Maybe she picked up on this or maybe she thought I wasn't really interested in her as during one of our texts she mentioned she was dating that same girl, the one she told me earlier that she stopped dating. Either way, this ended it for me obviously & I figured she lost interest in me. However, she still gave me the same intense looks & she still found ways to see & talk to me, so her interest in me appeared to be unchanged. I was confused by her mixed messages so I backed off more, however she never did. Months later I decided to text her again so we started chatting & the conversation was enjoyable, however I was asking more questions & at some points putting in more effort. She would reply in length when I would ask her a question but rarely would do the same or ask questions to get to know me, which I think is odd. Then one weekend we literally texted back n' forth all day/night, great conversation although the same (more one-sided). We said goodnight & the next day I texted her & she replied, then I replied although she never replied back, that was it. I decided I wasn't going to chase her down & that conversations should be a mutual give n' take w/ equal effort. I believe if you truly are interested in someone then you should continue the convo with equal flow, which she didn't do. It's been a few weeks & we haven't spoken to each other nor even seen each other, which is a first. My feelings for her are still there although I'm confused by her actions & I'm sure she is confused by mine as well. Maybe she wants me to put more effort in & ''chase'' her down due to my resistance towards her for so long, maybe she doesn't want to be vulnerable w/ me anymore or maybe she lost interest, who knows. I feel maybe she could be the 'one' or at the very least there's potential. However it seems we are both consumed by fears & ego, plus body issues for me. However, I can't stop thinking about her & I'm now realizing how strong my feelings for her are. Any thoughts on all of this? Should I just give up & let go? Would love to hear your thoughts & opinions
Like you, I am insecure about my body. The easy thing to say here would be "if she's the one, she won't care what you look like", which I hope is true, but I still understand your feelings. It sounds like there is possibly something between you two, so I don't think you should give up yet. If you can work up to it, go on a few dates, see where it goes. You may begin to feel more comfortable as you get to know her better- building up trust takes time, and you need trust to be intimate with someone when you feel insecure.
I definitely think you should just bite the bullet and ask her out! Maybe offer to go get coffee or a meal together. Then, just be honest. Tell her you've liked her for a while, but was unsure about her feelings and struggle with your own issues. How in-depth you get is totally up to you, but I'd just go with the flow depending on her responses. I am also overweight (working on it!), and have skin problems that can be unsightly at times. But, I've learned that I can feel comfortable and sexy with someone who cares more about me than my looks. You will find this someday too! But not if you don't take a chance... If it doesn't work out with this neighbor, don't let it wreck your world - there are lots of good women out there
Great advice, and I will build up the courage to ask her out, and see where it leads. If it doesn't work out I still learned a valuable lesson
