Have I messed up my life?

This was one of the hardest decisions and processes but it has been absolutely the right one for me, and it shows that this path can lead to a good ending. For me, it's certainly the only way I can live a full life.

Aside from this, my life, at the moment, is difficult, but not as any result of this decision, but because of other things that have happened since... The relationship between myself and my ex is wonderful, I have a wonderful partner who I feel so lucky to have, my daughter's happy, and all of that does feel amazing. But something I've only discovered recently is that being myself has made even the more difficult things in life easier to bear. I realise now that being out has allowed me to form more open connections and friendships. I was able to walk into work when life got difficult recently and talk genuinely about it with a couple of coworkers. Before this I didn't have the same ability to open up to others and truly be myself. For that, I'm really grateful.

 

The thing with being bi though is you aren’t really one or the other, you’re both so I can imagine it is difficult to feel that sometimes you’re straight and other times gay. You don’t have to pick a side you can be both. Maybe have a read through some posts that bi people have written to see if that helps. You can search keywords at the top of the site. Looking into internalised homophobia might help too.

 

I have made a blanket rule to not hide *anything* about my life, if it comes up I don't hide it. This is something that has taken me time struggling to be open, but it's very refreshing to be at this stage where I can share who I am honestly. I haven't directly gotten into such a detailed conversation with anyone about all the specifics, except one very good friend/ex-coworker. She knows everything about me at this point....but that was our first personal conversation , telling her about my divorce and coming out.

Usually at work, I make references to things in my life like my partner (female name), our kids, my daughter's dad, etc etc. Basically I'm open to the extent that it comes up in conversation. I feel very good because nothing is hidden, it's such a relief living without secrets.

 

When I came out, I did it pretty publicly. Family, friends, colleagues, social media - I went for the fully out option, lol.

 

This is the same for me, I came out really openly and directly in a Facebook post, so everyone knows, it's very clear...the only difference is that (most of) my work colleagues are not on my fb.

 

Back in September of 2016, I took a week off from work and used the time to come out to all my family and friends, each in separate conversations that I wanted to have with people personally, and not through a text message. It was exhausting. I called it my "gaycation."

 

That must have been an emotional week, amazing!

 

Thanks ngale, you'll get to a place where you recognise what you need and you'll make your way forward, it takes time.