Hi everyone. I recently discovered that I am a lesbian. I am mostly in the closet- only my three closest friends know. All my friends and family are straight/cis, so even though a few friends know about me (and are totally supportive), I still feel like I have no one to talk to. It makes me feel quite alone sometimes, because none of them understand what its like to live in a straight-centered culture and not fit in. Every day I see straight couples on TV and in public, and all my female friends are constantly talking about their boyfriends or guys they like. Some days, I really do feel like I'm drowning in an ocean of hetero. I have thought about coming out to everyone, but I'm definitely not ready and I doubt it would help, since there still isn't anyone in my life who I think would really understand. Has anyone else felt this way? How did you handle it?
Hi there! I completely know how you feel! Of all my family, friends, and coworkers, I’m the only one who’s gay (lesbian also). My few closest friends know, and I’ve discussed it with my mom as well, and they’re all supportive. I wouldn’t dream of telling my extended family—they wouldn’t be so supportive. So I’ve gotten to be maybe halfway out of the closet haha. I also feel alone at times, since (like you) everyone around me talks about their relationships from a heterosexual perspective. All my best female friends have boyfriends, and they talk about them constantly. My coworkers all have husbands & wives and are in heterosexual relationships. I live in a small conservative town, and most people here have become more comfortable with the LGBTQ+ community. However, I don’t seem to meet many LGBTQ+ people in my town that I could click with and relate to. That’s why I joined EC...I needed a safe queer space to be around others who are like me...It can be really lonely being surrounded by heteronormativity, and I find that I crave representation (in society, on TV/movies, in music, in media, in pop-culture, etc). Since I don’t often have that group of LGBTQ+ people to fit in with, I have to find it elsewhere...so EC has made me feel less alone. Whenever you feel alone, feel free to message anyone on EC, including me. Everyone here is super supportive and friendly, and many of us can relate to one another...so you’re among friends here
Thanks for the response! It definitely helps to have somewhere to express yourself- that's why I joined EC as well. I needed somewhere to share my thoughts, and on here is the only place I can do it.
That’s how I feel as well I’m glad to have found EC because I think I would feel a lot more lonely without it. I’m glad we can at least have a community in here. My town has a small LGBT community, but it’s very new. We’ve had a pride festival for two years now (but I don’t think it gets good attendance because it’s too hot to have an outdoor festival in June here), and we got a new LGBT center downtown this year too I believe. But I don’t feel that many people in my town are open about their sexuality, so it makes it tough to find people to relate with. It sounds silly, but I’ve always kind of dreamed about having a small group of LGBTQ friends so we could relate and have each other’s backs haha. But instead, I’m the lone lesbian lol.
"The lone lesbian" pretty much sums it up lol. A few summers ago, before I knew I was gay (I thought I might be bi), I met these two girls who were here from Australia to work, and we ended up hanging out a lot. It turned out that they were a lesbian and a bisexual. I loved hanging out with them, because we could talk openly about all things LGBT, and we were so comfortable around each other, probably because we all had this one big thing in common. Perhaps what makes me so lonely now is that I know what it's like to have those friends who get me, but since they went home a long time ago (before I decided I was gay) and I didn't really keep in touch, I miss having that.
Hi kitkat, I get what you're feeling; I've often had a hard time relating to straight people's experiences in romance, and somehow whenever that topic was coming out, I was finding myself zoning out. But recently I was lucky enough to meet couple of new friends, and they happened to be LGBT; we did click very quickly and still chat online and make video calls (they're in another country so far). Even though having this one thing in common indeed creates a good basis for friendship, it's good to remember that it also has a lot to do with personality of a person. That's how I've managed to have straight friends (not many, but still) all my life, haha. EC is a really good place for finding more people like you, and you're always welcome here
Straight accounts for 96.3% of the population, and cis accounts for 99.7% of the population. Therefore it perfectly reasonable for it to be the ''norm'' and dominate television - as a part of advertising/entertainment is making it relate to the viewer, most of whom will be straight and cis. People like to talk about who they like, just as much as you want to talk about women who you like (or if not you, other lesbians might want to) so straight/bi women will want to as well. It just happens they're/we're in the majority about liking the opposite sex so have more people to talk about with that. To be honest two years ago in sixthform when there were 6 straight women and 1 gay man I didn't get to talk about the woman I like (RK) at all even though they always talked about guys they liked. I really didn't care, I just got on with my work, they were wasting learning time anyway. I don't really talk about who I like much. Only to my friend RK who is also bisexual (and I can't tell her I'm in love with her) and my mum - who knows I don't actually want to date as I'm at uni, but at my uni there's so many gingers - and she knows I have a thing for them.
Are there any gay bars in your area that you could go to? If so, that'd be a great way to surround yourself with other LGBT people As for entertainment, have a look here ! The top three pinned posts are for LGBT songs, books, and movies. There's a lot more than you'd think!
O yes, it happens (I'm glad to read I'm not the only one), although I have a colleague that's also LGBT I have a very good contact with. I still feel alone sometimes. That's why I am a member here on EC, of several FB groups for LGBT people, why I regularly watch LGBT movies and listen to LGBT music, and when possible I go to events for bisexuals (but there are not a lot of them in my neighbourhood). I also tend to avoid very heteronormative places. I prefer the gayfriendly ones. In my case it possibly also has to do with the fact that I kind of suppressed my 'I love girls' side for so long, second puberty , I want to enjoy my life as a bisexual woman now I finally know that I am bisexual .
This may sound wierds since I'm bi (I should be equally fine with gay or straight stuff right?) but I totally get you. Looking around all I see is straight stuff, and ya, it kind of bugs me. I spent 23 years ignoring or supressing any homosexual feelings I had, and now that I've accepted them, and want to explore them, I feel like everything around me is so damn hetero it hurts. I think music bugs me the most honestly. There are so many songs about either love or lust, but they're all about a guy wanting a girl or vice versa. I just want one song about a guy wanting another guy, that doesn't sound to difficult now does it? Guess I'll just have to stick to swaping the pronouns when I sing along, and laughing at the lyrical wierdness that often ensues.
@jam93 Try listening to Elton John, David Bowie and/or Boy George. They're gay/bi and probably have some songs.
Granted, I have never heard this before, but a google search revealed this as a gay love song about a straight-crush:
Besides my gf and a couple friends (who I hardly see now because life is complicated) everyone in my circle of friends is straight cis people, and while they're great it's just not the same. I feel there's this valley between us where they can only get me up to a point (dunno if that makes any sense) but also, I get this resistance on their part to actually reach out a bit beyond their comfort zone, I feel they are kinda dismissive while at the same time trying to be polite. Like whenever i'm having an existential crisis or want to talk to someone how frustrated I feel that my mom just never truly accepts my gf and what I get in return is "oh i'm so sorry, I wish I knew what that felt like. So anywaaay..." and that can be a very alienating feeling. Thank god for youtube and online communities, that has helped me a lot in not feeling alone with those kinds of feelings.
I have similar experiences with my straight friends. I love them all, but there will always be a big part of me that they won't be able to identify with, and that makes me uncomfortable discussing relationship stuff with them. I also can't help doing a mental eye-roll when they talk about how hard dating is for them haha
Hey all, this thread got me thinking. I was wondering if any of you have a straight bestfriend? My ex-best friend of 20 years is a lesbian. We basically grew up together, she was my sister/brother. She was my bestman, I was hers etc. Etc. So What I'm wondering is if there was an aspect of her life I just can't understand because I'm not gay. And keep in mind, from her first gay bar, to coming out to her parents, to dating the same chic... to being in the army at a military bar and her being told to leave because she was dancing with her gf. So what I'm wondering is do you guys have any straight friends that totally get you. Is that possible?
Yeah sometimes I feel more at home with straight guys because it feels like we have more in common. I'm literally surrounded by straight girls (live with five) and I'm so sick of them talking about boys! At least with guys I can talk about hot girls and stuff.
Possible? Absolutely. It just never happened in my own personal experience. Even though my current best friend is straight I would say she gets me like 90%.
I think this was a big part of our friendship, we both liked women, we both had our hearts broken by them, sometimes by the same one.. heh I think we identified more like brothers than anything else.
