I am 19, female. For the past 9 or so years, I have had a difficult time with my sexuality, and I am still confused. I have had crushes on both guys and girls. I find masculine girls who play football, for example, are really attractive. I have had a girlfriend before, but in secret when I was 15, and I really liked her. We would kiss, but nothing more because I knew that if I let myself go, that we would end up having sex and I would hate myself for realizing I am not straight. She meant so much to me but ended up cheating on me with a guy, and it really upset me. My family isn't very supportive of gays, especially bisexuals as they do not believe it's a real thing. They know about my numerous crushes on girls, but no one seems to think I am not straight, I think they believe it is a phase. I have had this confusion for years. There is one girl who I liked so so SO much. I would often try and talk to her, but she wasn't interested, unfortunately. I would think about her constantly, always stare at her around school, and talk about her. She would make my heart beat very fast, and she was utterly perfect. I believe I have the capability to fall in love with either gender, as I do not see gender as an issue. I am sexually attracted to females, and can only masturbate to females. However, I have had many crushes on guys, and I am emotionally attracted to them, but if I had the choice, I would prefer to have sex with a female. I feel frustrated and have done for a very long time. I remember when I was 15, I told myself that if I still felt this way 4 years later then I would definitely be bisexual, and come out as bisexual, but I still do not know what I am. Sometimes, I feel very strongly attracted to males, and they are all I can think about, but other times girls are all I can think about. I feel like I need to have sex with a female to know for sure, but at the same time I am in a relationship with a lovely guy and I wouldn't want to cheat on him. Also, I don't know how I would react to myself if I ended up having sex with a girl. My family despises gays and they have drummed it into me, therefore I don't know if I would hate myself so much after 100% realizing I am bisexual. Please, can someone help me? I have been feeling this way for many many years.
You sound bi from what you have written and maybe lean more towards gay than straight. You definitely seem keen to explore that side of you. You shouldn’t feel bad about wanting to be with women. As you are in a relationship though then this doesn’t seem a possibility at the moment. From reading what others have posted on here, some people who are bi seem to go through phases of prefering one sex over the over and others may have a strong preference and choose not to explore the other sex. You do sound like you have some internalised homophobia which I also struggle with too so not sure how you can overcome that,
I think you need to know yourself first without barriers , i mean without thinking about labels before thinking about yourself. Are you happy with guys ? do you think would you be happy with a girl more than a boy ? or do you think you would be happy with either or them as far as there are feelings? the most important thing is your happiness not your label. What would be so bad about being bisexual ?
I see confusion about sexuality as an indicator for bisexuality. Perhaps because I was confused all the time myself. When you're in the middle of a spectrum, it can be very confusing. But you could also be gay in my opinion. Because you mention you can only masturbate to females. I don't know about other bisexuals but I can masturbate to females or males.
I can never masturbate over males, it simply does not appeal to me whatsoever. Ever since I was 10 I have been masturbating over females, and that won’t ever change. Straight porn bores me to death! Also, when I’m doing sexual things with my boyfriend, I’m not really ‘in the moment’, I’m more wanting to look sexy for him and copy what porn is like, e.g looking sexy. If I was laying on a bed with a girl I know for a fact I would get incredibly turned on and want to have sex, but with males I don’t get that complete 100% sexual attraction.
I am happy with guys I guess. I don’t find them as sexually stimulating whatsoever in the way I see girls as. I am picky with the females I’m attracted to, for example I really like girls who look butch, masculine and who would take the ‘lead’ in the relationship- I would be more than happy to be with a girl with those qualities. I’m scared to be bisexual as my family have drummed it into me that it’s disgusting and wrong
From what you said , i understood that you like your partner to take the role of the leader in the relationship and maybe you find this more in guys ? but when it comes to sex you see girls a turn- on more than guys right ? then maybe you are more into girls than guys . Are you really happy with your boyfriend ( i am sorry if i crossed a line or something i just want you to be happy and sure about it ) ? and about butch you can always find one and it s quite normal to be picky we all have different flavors . I am sorry that you have to be scared that your family won't accept your coming-out as bisexual :/ . Do they have a problem with all what is not heterosexual or just bisexuality ?
Yes I find guys taking the lead more in a relationship, and I do find woman more sexually attractive than males. When I’m intimate with my boyfriend, the lead up of doing sexual things turns me on, and anything after that does not appeal to me. We rarely have sex because I’m not really that interested, I only will want to if I feel bad for the lack of it, or want to fulfil his attraction to me. I have liked many guys before, but only a couple of girls, therefore I’m not sure if I can relate 100% to you saying I maybe like girls more than guys, but I definitely am more sexually attracted to girls. I’m sort of happy with my boyfriend, but sexually I feel our relationship is an issue because for the whole of our relationship, sexual intimacy has been something I’ve done because you’re ‘meant to’ in a relationship, not something that I genuinely want to. Also, whenever we kiss or he touches me sexually for the past few days I’ve been imagining that it’s a girl touching me and it makes me desire a girl. I feel so bad for my boyfriend because I just want to please him and make me happy, but sexually I just am not interested!! My family have a problem with anyone that is not straight. They often have debates about lesbians/bisexuals, and a few years ago I had a lesbian friend and they despised me hanging around with her and basically made out she had a disease that I’d catch. They are very rude about lesbians/bisexuals, and when they think about when I went out with a girl at 15 (I pretended it was only for a day, but our relationship lasted a few months), they joke about how they were worried I was gay, and my siblings when they want to offend me, they say ‘at least I wasn’t a disgusting dyke’ and it makes me feel bad. Sometimes I go through phases where I really am attracted to butch girls, and then another month I’m not as interested, but can recognise that they’re attractive. Is this normal for bisexuals?
Based on some researches i found on the internet , some bi people are more romantically attracted to men and more physically attracted to women while others have other preferences So i think it's quite normal that you have your preferences too . As for me i haven't known i am attracted to girls until last year ( i am 19 years old too btw) i mean there was an attraction that i wasn't aware of. I have dated just guys thinking i am straight but once i discovered i like girls i couldn't get myself back to think about being with guys anymore . I thought i am bisexual but now i think i am gay because i am no more attracted to guys neither sexually nor romantically , it s all about girls now. And about your family, i am so sorry about that . I know the feeling i live in a society that there is no way in the hell i can come out to my family ( except my sister and she was supportive ) nor date girls so it s really hard and sad too i feel you . About your sexual life , it must be hard to think about someone else while having sex with another one i hope things get better for you and you find both your sexual pleasure and romantic pleasure ( i don t even know if this word exists in English XD) .Please just try to think positively about yourself and trust yourself . and i think this age is the beginning of ourselves discovery
Yes, I feel like I am romantically attracted to males, especially because that is portrayed predominately in the media, however the past crushes I have had on females, I was romantically attracted to them too, but more sexually attracted. It's good that you are exploring your sexuality and working yourself out, I admire you a lot for that! Also, it is good that you have come out to your sister. I don't think I could ever come out and tell people, in the past regarding the other girls I have fancied, I basically just stared at this girl a lot and spoke about her to my friends and sisters, and I told them I found her attractive. I am not sure if they realize that I am not straight, they seem to think it was a phase, and that when homosexuals are brought up in conversation i.e. from a TV program etc, they can be horrible about gays, which makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel bad when I and my boyfriend are doing sexual things because I am not interested, although I pretend I am. Last night, for example, I remember thinking to myself that my boyfriend was really lucky to be able to do sexual things with a girl and that I wish I could too. I will definitely take your advice on board, it is nice to know that I am not alone!
Oh ! trust me you are not alone in this . I don't know why i came too quickly to terms with myself about my sexual orientation but i think when we know that our surrounding won't support us and won't accept us we just need to support ourselves ( though it wasn't easy at first) . I also think that sexual life has a great role in our lives as human beings , and that it affects relationships ( i mean romantic ones ) but i had never had sex with guys nor with girls so i am not sure i have the right to say this. From what you said i think you have a huge attraction to girls even if just sexually speaking . and you are not getting what you desire from your sexual activities with your boyfriend . I hope things get better for you and you find what you really truly want. Please just don't be hard on yourself , don't think so much about it and confuse yourself , after all love is love and life is too short . Don't think about your family now and what people are going to say. Try to focus on yourself , try to find your happiness . SUPPORT YOURSELF YOU ARE WORTH IT GIRL YOU ARE WORTH TO BE HAPPY PS: if you want someone to talk to i am here . I know how it feels like when you don't know what you want and you can't talk to anyone close about it .
It’s good that you came to terms with your sexuality, I look up to you for that! Thank you, I hope things work out too That’s true, life is too short and at the end of the day, what gender you love is a small section of your life that doesn’t matter! Thank you so much, you are so so sweet!!! I wish you happiness too you’re such a kind person with a lot of amazing advice
You are quiiiiiiiiiite welcome my dear <3 i haven't done anything though i wish i could help more . i wish you all the best .Everything will be just fine
You’re a very lovely person, please remember that!! You’ve helped me a log & made me feel a lot more positive about the situation x
So are you kellyyy <3 there is nothing in this world that doesn't have a solution. KEEP YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH you are You not your label <3
