1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Can't figure it out.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by OtterGrump, Dec 16, 2017.

  1. OtterGrump

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2017
    Messages:
    51
    Likes Received:
    20
    Location:
    Canada
    So... I think I'm ftm. There are time when I so badly want to come out already so I can start transitioning. But I'm still not sure, I still doubt myself so much. What if I'm not trans? What if I'm going to be less happy if I transition and I would be happier if I put up with being a girl? I don't really FEEL like a guy, but I really really want to be one and wish I were one. I have so many doubts. What if I'm just making myself feel this way and think that I'm trans? What if this is just toxic stuff off the internet? What if I'm more unhappy if I transition?

    Okay, now let's say that I am trans. How do I know when to come out? Because I really want to a lot of the time but then get scared and super doubtful. Especially when I see that I have a feminine quality about me when I really look at my behaviour. I know that guys can be feminine and all these things but I feel like I can't be if I'm trans. I don't think this for other trans guys, just me. I'm starting to hate myself more and more, I wish I had already started T.

    I am seeing a counsellor, but I still have all this doubt. We'll be going into it a little more on Monday, but then I won't be able to see them for another month after that. My problem is that I don't FEEL male, so what if this is a mistake and I'm not actually trans?
    I'm sorry most of this didn't make sense and is all over the place but by the time I have the courage to write something then it all comes out at once. I'm horrible with words and expressing myself, but thanks for reading
     
  2. Aberrance

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    990
    Likes Received:
    136
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's okay to take your time when questioning. It's okay to come out and still not be 100% sure. I took 2 years questioning myself and when I first started coming out I wasn't certain that I was actually trans but as more people started calling me 'he' and Isaac, the more settled I felt in my identity and I can safely say that I am a man and there's no hesitation in that.

    Don't rush anything is the best advice I can give you. If you're not ready to come out then leave it for a while, or tell people you're close to. I only came out publically when it started getting completely unbearable being called the wrong pronouns and hearing my deadname.

    Ask yourself questions like "what do you want to see when you look in the mirror?", "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" and "how do you want to be seen/treated as by others?". It's a good idea talking to your therapist and just throwing your worries and thoughts at another person to help sort through them. Also T isn't a magic hormone that will fix you and make you 'feel like a man', I think a lot of people think it'll change your mentality but it really doesn't. It can cause a placebo affect for trans guys, mentally, when they first start taking it hence the instant euphoria but if you're not trans then you'll only start to experience gender dysphoria as the male secondary sex characteristics start to become apparent. So it's not something to be taken lightly.