Heterosexual friends intrinsically offer little to no help with coming out process.

I think in some situations coming out can happen organically. This isn’t the case with me because I’m married with two kids. I found it very stifling and almost misleading to not have people know. I found that my straight friends could talk about marriage relationship troubles but I couldn’t. I also felt there were times in random conversations with them that I could have perspective to give and still had to hold back because of the experiences it came from. I felt like my deepest most valuable friendships were becoming surface. I ended up telling some close friends for this reason. What I found though was that all our conversations were becoming about that, which wasn’t what I wanted either. I knew our friendships were going to have to evolve in some way...

What I did find is once my husband and I figured things out and I hatched a plan and told a few more people (including my 11 yr old daughter), the pressure lifted. When that happened I started thinking less about my sexuality and all the other parts of me came flowing back in too. I realized I had been so submerged in my own journey I had lost sight of theirs. I needed that pressure to come off because I needed to go back to everything about life. I felt like my old self with a new edge and I started talking to my friends about other things, which caused them to open up more about how they were. And the added benefit was that this little bit of who I am was now understood and woven into my interactions with them in small but noticeable ways. I guess my take Home is to maybe give yourself time and space. Keep doing the work of letting yourself unfold, confide in those that are helpful and when your stronger go back to these friendships and talk to them about common things, the things that brought you together in the first place. You may find your conversations will just be richer and deeper because they know and you know all of who you are. I really think it’s a process and takes time, which can suck and seem lonely. In my case I feel I needed to be selfish for a while and then open back up as the whole me. That brought some friendships that were shaky back around. Maybe think about where you might be in your process?

Really these are just thoughts, but I can tell you it feels good to talk about gardening again....

 

This post means a lot to me and I needed to hear this. Thank you.

 

I am openly gay, but most of my closest friendships are with straight people. Like @Mabel mentioned in so many words, the LGBTQ community can be tough to get into. For example, I went to a semi-formal dance/event Saturday night. There was a group of what I perceived to be LGBTQ folks all sitting together at the same table. I went to this thing in part to meet new people and am fresh out of a long-term relationship, so it kind of feels like coming out all over again. Anyway, I was like 'cool, maybe I can introduce myself and maybe make some new friends within this group.' So it's not like I walked right up to them, but while mingling, I was near one of the ladies (short hair, masculine clothing, was accompanied by a rather feminine man - oh the stereotypes ugh). I just smiled and said 'Hi!' and I swear you'd think I grew two heads. Her eyes got big, she mumbled hi back, then immediately sought out her male friend who was nearby. For a moment I was just like okkkkkk. Then, whatever. I didn't really skip a beat and hadn't thought about the encounter until just now.
Gay people sometimes suck in this regard. I kinda get it though. When you've spent likely years struggling for acceptance and a sense of 'normal,' belonging to a group of similar individuals can feel really safe, protected, and foster a desire for self-preservation within the group. Unfortunately, this can become like an 'us vs. them' mentality that is just as harmful as a group of bigoted straight people.
My suggestion would be to seek an LGBTQ support group. In that kind of setting, people are already of the mindset to welcome and obviously support new members.

 

Oh I forgot one of my main points haha. My closest friends are mostly straight, but I have way more in common with them. Pets, hobbies, interests, etc... Sometimes the only thing I have in common with gay people is sexuality, and that's not really enough to go on.

 

This is helpful for where I am at, thank you.