Age gap

I can't speak for 20+ years age gap, but personally, I prefer to date someone born in the same year as me, but the most I'd go is 2 years younger or 2 years older than myself. Any age else, I find life experience to be different. I once went on a date with a girl who said she was 26 (put her in the 2yr range). When we met in person, she was only 23, and that 5 year age gap was noticeable. We were at different stages in life--and that's only 5 years apart. 20+, I can only imagine people entering those relationships are for the money, status, etc.

 

Not gonna lie I totally agree with some that when I see a couple with a drastic age difference such as 20+ years I immediately think they're in it for all the wrong reasons. Not that they are, but I suppose I'm just conditioned to think that way, and well often times they probably are. And just like the above poster I don't like to get out of my age range dating either, 2 years is a good age gap for me as well and I actually personally would prefer 2 years older than younger. I personally don't like dating anyone with a big age gap due to numerous reasons, one being the maturity level, someone younger is more than likely too immature, yet someone way older could be too mature and on set with life than me. Then there's the question of would you want children? And if so are you both going to be capable of parenting? Also if you're dating someone 20+ years older doesn't it cross your mind that their end of time will come before yours? Or their sex drive may go away at some point? And I'm not trying to come across as mean, but I have to say it because it's something I immediately think when thinking about if I'd be with an older person, and that is #1 Are they older than or near my parents age? #2 If I were an 8 year old child, how old would they be? Just my personal opinion though, a big age gap isn't for me, and a 20+ year age gap is kind of creepy. But I'm sure it's nice and works out well for some people!

 

Eh, I think age gaps are more unhealthy because of mental differences more so than stage of life. Don't get me wrong, stage of life is important to some, but I don't think it always matches chronological age. A biggest example is this: My best friend is 23, I am 27, but she has more life experience than I do and is way ahead of me when it comes to "life stages". She started college at 18, graduated a year ago and has a high paying job. I started college about a week before my 27th birthday, never really worked (except for a crappy job at age 17) and I've been reclusive/hiding away from the real world for over 10 years due to mental illness and depression. I may be 27, but I'm only just learning how to socialize with people for the first time, only just learning how to deal with real world stressors for the first time, I still ask my relatives and closest friend advice on school and homework (despite being younger, she is a mentor for me when it comes to "how to survive college").

On the other hand, being chronologically older means I am more mentally mature. My brain stopped developing at age 25, so in some ways, I mentor my younger friend when it comes to maturity and how to deal with things.

That's why I've always preferred the "age gaps are wrong because the brain matures at 25" saying over the "stage of life" one. By the same stage of life argument, it would be healthier for me to date an 18 year old, despite being 27 (we both have no money and are college freshmen), but it just seems....weird to date someone 18. I don't agree with it. Being a late bloomer means that both people my age and younger are going to have way more life experience than me either way, but the brains are still developed. It wouldn't bother me to date someone with higher education and more money as long as they are respectful.

 

The only thing I agree with is that the money thing makes no sense. Some 23 year olds make way more money than some 40 year olds. Maybe the 23 year old has a college degree, and the 40 year old never even finished high school. This is more common than people think. None of the adults in my family have college degrees and so they make less money than most 20 something year olds. That doesn't mean that people half their age have a power advantage over them just because of money, that makes zero sense. If they weren't related and dated at their ages, I'd still think the age gap was a red flag because "brain maturity" but it would have nothing to do with x life experience or money.

 

I don't disagree with age gaps being unhealthy, but I find it strange that income or educational status would automatically create a "power imbalance". A 20 year old could have better income and better education than a 30 year old depending on their life circumstances, so are they more dominant than the older person? I find that hard to believe. In my college, many of the freshman are over 25, some are even over 40 or 50. That's why the whole thing is so confusing. It sends a mixed message that on one hand, if a late bloomer 28 year old dates a traditional 22 year old, it states that: "The 28 year old has a power imbalance over the 22 year old because of developed brain difference", BUT, at the same time it also states "The 22 year old has a power imbalance over the 28 old year because they have more life experience in regards to education".

It sucks for people like me because I want to feel healthy and date people my own age, but everyone else my age has more life experience and better education/income. They all have degrees, careers, possibly even children, while I only have a high school diploma, no job, no relationship experience, etc. So it creates a problem where it's completely impossible for me to ever date because I'm not allowed to date people my own age (due to different life experience) but also not allowed to date people with my own experience (due to age gap).

 

I'm sure there are others out there you're age and with similar circumstances. What with the economy and illnesses being documented, and there being more groups, visibility, etc.

In general, the older you are, the more money, education, experience you have. If someone is older AND has those things, then yeah, I'd say that gives them a leg up over someone younger, whether they have more or not.

 

To be fair, I think everyone here is giving reasonable responses.

I’ve experienced it first hand with relationships that have a significant age gap; been there, done that. I never had success with them, reason being is they are WAY ahead of me in a lot of areas in my life where I am not; the biggest being maturity and life experience. I also had a problem introducing those people to my friends because... they’re just that much older than me.

With that said, I still find older men attractive (at this point it’s more of a fantasy, if anything). However, I am much more mindful at this point about the age of men I go on dates with.

As some of you may know, I broke up with my boyfriend just last week. He’s a year older than me, so no issues with an age gap there. However, there were problems in that relationship as well. Looking back, I crossed my own boundaries without even realizing that I had boundaries to begin with. There’s a lot I can work on now, but all I’m saying is that every relationship is going to have problems, whether you like it or not. With age gap relationships, maturity just happens to be one of them.

Statistics and surveys and do provide reasonable conclusion about studies. However, it is also important to note that these studies are generalizations, and simply cannot represent the the population as a whole (this rule applies to ALL studies). Meaning, you cannot conclude that every age gap relationship is bound to fail, because this is simply not true. There are many factors to consider, such as how old both individuals are. A 40 year old and a 50 year old isn’t too big of an issue, but I can certainly see where there is an issue with, let’s saay, a 20 year old and a 30 year old. Another aspect to consider is the maturity of each individual, and that is much harder to measure than the age of the participants in a study.

 

I personally don't like it. Huge age gaps kinda freak me out. I recently drunkly hooked up with a friend who's 4 years younger than me and I'm still bummed about it. But I also think that some people connect better with older people or vice versa, so it's really up to how you feel about it.

 

I never really had a long lasting relationship I can hardly give you good advice, What I can say though, is: Having a good life stage and emotional connection, in combination with mutual attraction to eachother in a more... Loving way (Cough Cough), is the key to a good relationship as far as I can see. - Not specifically age, but with a larger age gap, the other factors (Especially live stage) do seem to be less likely to line up.

 

What a load of rubbish.

Are some of you age police or what?

If two consenting adults fall in love with each other and are emotionally stable and suited to each other then age does not matter one iota.

Take your ageism and shove it.