So I got a binder last month and I am really liking it. I feel a lot more confident when wearing it and I would even go as far as to say I like the look of my chest in the mirror when I’ve got it on! But...I think it has actually in some ways increased my discomfort/dysphoria with my chest. I haven’t been wearing it everyday as it just hasn’t been practical but the days I don’t have it on are getting more difficult as time is going on. Has anyone else experienced this? Is there anything I can do other than (safely) wearing my binder more days than not?
I noticed this as well. The more i did things to try to help with the dysphoria, like binding, the more not doing them bothered me. I think because before, i could just brush it off so to say - think myself crazy and immature cause i didn't know what it was. I thought i was just being some insecure kid instead of growing up. But now that i had a name for it and could pin it down, and had a way to alleviate it, it was impossible to ignore any longer.
I think I'm more aware of my dysphoria. Before I started binding I was dysphoric all the time, but didn't have anything to compare it to and didn't know why I felt generally poor most of the time, but after I started and felt better, I could really feel the difference not binding.
Unfortunately it is often the difference between physical discomfort and psychological discomfort when it comes to binding. For me I can't stand to go out in public or even face myself in mirrors without one on. But then after a while it physically wears me down and I have trouble breathing if I'm always binding. So I've learned the value of a good, loose fitting hoodie. Take it easy on your body. Bind when you need confidence and never forget that this is temporary. One day you'll have top surgery (which I presume you want since you bind) and you'll never have to bind again. Learn to love your body, binding or not binding. It is hard as a transguy, believe me I know. But learn to look at yourself shirtless in the mirror and hold your chin up and say, "Damn boy, you fine." Because the truth is - you are. You're worth your own respect and love. Your body is a work in progress. Be patient with it. As always, stay strong, brother.
@AlexJames and @baconpox yeah I do think it’s maybe that I’m just more aware of it. Thanks @Kodo. It’s more just when I have to go out that it’s an issue right now. In the house I also just wear loose fitting hoodies (always have done) and I’m ok with them on as they hide it enough. Oh, I don’t think I’ve looked in the mirror shirtless and liked what I saw since I started puberty! I do feel I have learnt to respect my body now though, so that’s a start I suppose. As for top surgery, yes I do think I’d like that to be in the future. I know change and transition is a slow process but I’m not at peace with that yet. Thinking about it so much just seems to be making everything worse.
Totally normal, bro. I started to hate sports bras. But I‘m small there so at home I can wear a hoodie without a binder.
