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Anyone else bisexual, but doesn't want to date the opposite sex.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Shultz, Dec 1, 2017.

  1. Shultz

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    I like guys and girls, though I like a girls a little bit more. But the thought of kissing a woman or being with a woman is totally unappealing. Is this just a phase?
     
  2. gravechild

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    *tepid hand raise
     
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  3. LaurenSkye

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    For me it's not the physical aspects of being with a woman I don't like. I just don't care to be in a relationship with a woman.
     
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  4. Tre

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    If I'm actually bisexual this is me as well.
     
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  5. Shultz

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    That is exactly how I feel.
     
  6. EpicConfusion

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    Same goes for me.
     
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  7. Lin1

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    I am the same. I have had sex with guys but never dated one though I could easily have but absolutely have no interest in ever dating one. I just prefer women and can't seem to fancy guys like my straight friends do. I think if I had to pick between single forever and dating a guy I would be tempted to remain single. Sometimes I even wonder if I am bi at all but I know I still have that tiny little bit of attraction towards men which is probably the only thing keeping me from labeling myself as a lesbian.
     
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  8. Chip

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    Schulz, from reading this and your other posts, my suspicion or guess is that you are likely in the early stages of accepting and acknowledging your same sex attraction. And it sounds like, from whT you are describing, that you may actually be closer to gay than bi.

    It's very common in the early stages of coming out to have mixed feelings -- denial, anger, confusion -- because for most people this isn't something we wanted. We still get a lot of negative messages from society that influence our self perception.

    I don't know if I've said it before to you but the most reliable indicator of attraction is masturbation arousal without porn... By fantasizing alternately about men and women, you can usually get a pretty clear indication of which arouses you more, and that's a pretty reliable predictor of sexual orientation.
     
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  9. Shultz

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    Thank you for the reply.

    I don't really know if that is true. I know I like women, but it doesn't feel normal like guys do. Liking guys feels normal, while women feel more like a fetish that you keep a secret and doesn't play a part in your real life.

    I don't really think I'm affected by any denial or confusion, I've been like this for a few years, I'm assuming if any of that ever existed it would be gone by now.

    I guess it is a possibility that I actually am more into men than I know. I've just been really confused for the last few years; I only care about guys, but when I look at porn men turn me on less than women. I then assume that I am bisexual but mostly into women, but on the other hand I don't think I could ever enjoy being in a relationship with a women.
     
  10. Chip

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    That's pretty consistent with what many gay men describe.

    I wouldn't assume that. Lots of people have some awareness for years, but then, eventually, they come to terms with it. I know people who didn't come out until to themselves their late 60s, but they still had inklings years beforehand.

    Only you can know what you're thinking and where you are. All I can do is point out what I see based on what you describe. The important thing is to take your time, keep thinking and exploring, and come to the conclusion that feels right for you. It sounds like you're doing some good thinking and evaluation on the matter, so I'd suggest you just keep talking about it and exploring your feelings.
     
  11. gravechild

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    Then why is it so easy for some people? The ones who just "know" from the earliest age, and jump right into accepting themselves as gay, while the rest of us struggle for years and go through all this back-and-forth nonsense.
     
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  12. Shultz

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    But why would women turn me on more if I am gay?
    Thanks for the advice, maybe some day it will all make sense, and it won't seem like I'm broken. :slight_smile:
     
  13. Chip

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    This has a lot to do with the environment in which we are raised; if we are taught from an early age that being gay is wrong, we are far more likely to find a way to deny those feelings. And as I’ve said, denial can be very strong.
     
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  14. gravechild

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    So could that be used as an example of sexuality being both nature and nurture? Also why some folk are more "obviously gay" from an early age. Either way, it feels a bit unfair...
     
  15. Chip

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    No, because it isn't affecting sexual orientation, only the internalized shame and homophobia associated with self-awareness, creating the denial.

    That hasn't been studied much so we really don't know. As far as 'fairness'... Life itself is grossly unfair and unequal. Compare two people, one born in a third world country into poverty and another born to billionaires. So I don't feel like fairness really enters into it much.
     
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