1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Attracted to some guys, but bothered by the idea of anal sex

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Snowysky, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. Snowysky

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2017
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I'm a guy, I am now a year passed 16 so I haven't had much time to try new things.

    For a few years I have been suppressing gay urges (as my mom would be disappointed), but I'm tired of doing so and now her opinion couldn't be less important to me right now, but I am still wondering if I am actually gay because the idea of gay anal sex has me unsettled. I am not attracted to girls, (I thought that eventually I would become attracted to girls when my facial hair set in, but my facial hair is starting to come in and nothing has changed.) There are some guys that I am attracted to, yet I find that I am not attracted to the majority guys. When I look at some guys, I get turned on by masculine facial features, facial hair, leg hair, deep voice, etc. When I watch straight porn, I focus only on the man and his physical features, BUT, I find gay porn repulsive...

    I 'gave head' to a guy once before, I liked it, and I wouldn't mind doing it again; but simply watching gay-oral for me is unpleasant. But even though I liked it then, the idea of giving oral beforehand had me terrified and I needed a week of his initiation. I am getting the same feeling again for anal sex, the idea of anal sex creeps me out (though I haven't tried it, and I don't if I might like it either top and/or bottom), but it has me in a lot more fear and repulsion than the idea of giving oral did.



    Has any-gay-guy ever felt gay but also initially creeped-out/repulsed by anal sex; but after trying it liked it?
    Am I gay if I am only attracted to a small percentage of guys, and I only feel comfortable with oral?
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    A lot of gay guys are creeped out or repulsed by anal sex. In fact, some studies have reported that as many as 40% of gay couples don't ever engage in anal sex.

    Only you can answer the question about whether you're gay or not, but I can say that if you don't feel attraction to girls, and do feel attraction to guys, have enjoyed giving head and wouldn't mind doing it again, and focus only on the guys when you watch porn... those are all pretty strong indicators you're gay. There are also lots of gay men who are only attracted to a small percentage of other men... that doesn't make them any less gay.

    One of the strongest indicators is what you masturbate to when not watching porn. If you find yourself thinking about guys rather than girls... that's also a very clear indicator that you're gay, or at least have strong attraction to guys.

    Keep in mind that your concerns about your mother's reaction is going to influence how open you are to accepting yourself. So that's something you'll have to eventually work through if you are in fact gay.

    I'd suggest you continue talking about what you're experiencing and feeling, as that's one of the best ways to better understand yourself.
     
    gravechild likes this.
  3. Kugeki

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2017
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    It sounds like you could be placed somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I suggest doing research on asexuality and its branches to figure out what you are. AVEN is a great resource.
     
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    No, no, no. You (OP) are very unlikely to be on the "asexual spectrum" (in part because there's no credible evidence that such a spectrum exists, and from what you describe you definitely aren't asexual, at least according to the widely accepted definition.) What you're describing is entirely normal for someone who is coming to terms with who he is, and grappling with the meaning of what it would be like to be same-sex attracted, and the concerns with your mother, and so forth.

    I would not recommend AVEN, as their entire model is based on crowdsourced, research-free information, and for the most part, in your circumstance, it is far more likely to confuse you than to be helpful.
     
    #4 Chip, Dec 1, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2017
    Shultz and gravechild like this.
  5. Shultz

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2017
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Virgo Supercluster
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Don't sweat it, the thought of anal is really gross. It is definitely soothing that I have no plans to ever do.
     
  6. Twist

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2014
    Messages:
    422
    Likes Received:
    150
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    There's plenty of bisexual and gay men that have absolutely no interest in anal sex. It's not a requirement.
     
    gravechild and Shultz like this.
  7. kyfry

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2014
    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I thought I was asexual at first then I learned about other guys who identify as gay but not like anal. When it comes to the labels of tops, bottoms or versatile I learned of a lesser known label called "side" Sides are guys who are attracted to other guys, dont do anal but do other activities like oral.
     
  8. DecentOne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2017
    Messages:
    856
    Likes Received:
    482
    Location:
    East Coast US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi, I don't want to hijack Snowysky's thread, but what you said, Chip, has me questioning something I thought I had figured out for myself. I'll start a new post.

    And Snowysky, welcome! EC is a great place to figure things out.
     
  9. Creativemind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    411
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't think the asexuality thing is helpful if you are comfortable with oral. Oral is still a form of sex, and asexuals have no interest or desire for any sort of sexual activity with others. It sounds more like a preference for no anal.
     
    Chip likes this.
  10. EpicConfusion

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2014
    Messages:
    944
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Anal isn't for everyone. I feel the same way in regards to men; I don't find very many men attractive. Some people are just picky. I also don't like gay porn, even though my sexual desires are directed solely at men in real life.
     
    Shultz likes this.