I'm not sure where to even post this but I wanted to post about some of the struggles and success that I've had this semester to let others know that even when you're down, never give up and always keep working to be a better you! (sorry for the long post) I was nearly to the point that I felt like I was at rock bottom once again. I've had several bouts of depression in the past, but was doing well and had been off medication for a few years. But I found myself falling back into that deep hole. My encouragement through this post is to help others realize that it is OK to ask for help, and it has been the best thing that I've decided to do in a long time. In the past, I've just gone to the doctor and been put on medications. Yes, this helped my symptoms but didn't help me manage what was going on internally. When you feel like you need help, don't be afraid to reach out for it!! I started this semester with a lot of anxiety, anger, emotions, self doubt, and stress that manifested in arguments with my fiance, seclusion, and general unhappiness. I would find myself just crying and wanting to give up at least once a week. I started seeing my school's counselor, and today I had my last meeting with her for the semester. We kind of did a "check in" to see where I felt like I was doing well, what still needed improvement, etc. There have been moments that I felt like I was on a literal emotional rollercoaster, but I have to say that I am finally overall a happier person. I still have daily struggles, but the mountains seem more like hills now. I didn't realize all the improvements I had made till I sat down and thought about it this morning. My fiance and I haven't been arguing, I'm getting more secure with our relationship, and we've made it through one of the toughest semesters of school that I've had yet! This summer and the beginning of the semester was rough for us. We argued every time we saw each other, I felt worthless and like I couldn't please her (or anyone in my life). Through lots of communication and such, we've finally worked learned how to deal with our busy, hectic, stressful schedules. We found what works for us and continue to work on things together. I've not only succeeded in my classes, will be receiving an award for highest grade in my professional program with a potential small scholarship, I've gotten 2 other large scholarships, I've continued to maintain my grades. With a lot of focus on becoming a better and healthier me, I've also lost 20 pounds and am gaining some confidence in all aspects of my life. My counselor helped me realize that I am an extreme people pleaser, and that I have to learn to set boundaries and not feel like a bad person when I do. It has led to some disagreements with some friends, and has stressed me at points because I don't like telling people "no." But it has also made me a stronger person. I've realized that I have to take care of myself first and foremost before I can try to please and take care of everyone else!! Hope everyone has a great week!! I have got to go study for the rest of my finals so I can finally enjoy a little break from school!!
