Well, it's been a long time since I've been here (the new user interface is taking some getting used to ) but I have good memories of getting good advice here and I'm in definite need of some right now. Quite a bit has happened in the past two years. I moved abroad after finally coming out, learnt a new language, and... dun, dun, dun... finally got out there into the whole dating world. I've only been on a few dates though, and one thing which I've been really stuck with is the lack of self-confidence I feel, having very little dating/relationship/sexual experience behind me. Every opportunity with a guy I've had has started with him making the first move. But there have been times where I've really wanted to make a move on someone I liked, but ended up not doing so, thinking "oh crap, so he's actually reciprocating, what do I do now?!" I'm in my late 20s now, and as much as I know how stupid this is, I still feel kind of a stigma for not having the equivalent experience of a person my age. And basically because of these feelings, I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of opportunities for such a stupid, irrational reason. Can anyone share some general advice on how to get over this?
Hello ☺️ The only advice I can really give is to try not to worry and just go with he flow. We have all been inexperienced and what you are feeling is natural. Listen to what your body is telling you and go with it ☺️ If youre really concerned, you could always tell your date that you are inexperienced. You would be surprised how many people find that a real turn on. It makes them feel special because they are the one who gets to be the first to taste of your forbidden fruit so to speak lol ☺️☺️☺️ Just try to relax and have fun. If you do that then the rest will come naturally ☺️☺️☺️
Generally I think lack of experience is really not that big of an issue. My first experience with a guy was when I was 43 and lack of experience was never an issue. If you follow your own feelings and pleasure you really can't go wrong since your sincerity will shine through. I also think most men are more than willing to "show you the ropes," so feel free to ask questions or say you'd like to take things slowly. And remember the other guy has never been with you before either ... so in a real way you're on a level playing field.
method....Can I share something with you that was shared with me when I began my teaching career...45 years ago. A young teacher asked an older teacher how he managed to do such a good job with his students. The reply was; "I don't make mistakes". The young teacher asked how do you avoid mistakes? The reply was; "I've got experience". The young teacher then asked how he got experience. The reply was: " By making mistakes"! At some point in our lives we are all were or are where you are now. It's called being human! Go ahead and make the move that you want to next time....I'm betting that even if it's a mistake, the other guy won't really mind all that much!! .....David
Hey everybody, thanks for your insights. @quebec I particularly liked the anecdote there. It's actually a reminder of something I already knew, but wasn't cognizant of how it applies in this case. (And when you're not aware of it, it can be indeed very easy to revert to a risk/failure-averse mindset...) And going back to what I said about "missing opportunities", even if 90% of my attempts failed, at least the 10% of success I get is more than what I would have gotten had I not tried.
Actually, it’s pretty amazing what somebody without experience, but with the right person can do....you may have heard this so many times already, but once it’s gonna be time for it, your body/ feelings will tell you what to do...and the weirdest thing ever...it’s finally gonna feel like ‘it fits’, and ‘feels right’....relaxing and allowing yourself to enjoy it will ensure a great first time.. And kudos to changing your life to be more true to yourself!!
