Sometimes it just amazes me the things that come out of my husband's mouth. Tonight we were watching a show called "Forged in Fire" where blacksmiths make weapons to see who is the best. He commented about another show where a guy made huge swords and that he was sad that it was cancelled. I said it was cool that the show had a female blacksmith. He said it would be cool if "Forged in Fire" had a female on sometime and I agreed. He then says but only a pretty one, this comment already got me annoyed because what does beauty have to do with anything. He proceeds to say yeah not the lesbian type though and I got mad telling him he was being stereotypical and he agreed. He said at least he didn't say bull dyke and I asked how he could talk that way one and two how could he insult his own daughter. He told me her door is shut like that makes it better. I told him and he wonders why she doesn't want to tell him about being gay. He said its just us and he can joke around because I know he is kidding. Maybe I am being too sensitive, but I don't really think so. The other day I came home and he was watching a anime with my daughter at her prompting, he is always complaining that none of us spend time with him. I was in the kitchen making dinner and he says god why do they have to make him sound so gay. The whole anime was over the top and pretty much everyone was exaggerated. Again when we were alone I told him that he might want to think about the things that he says because he is sending the wrong message to his daughter and that he shouldn't expect for her to tell him anything. There are other instances where it is not gay related but just how he "jokes" with people. He was talking with our son's girlfriend, who lives with us, and he pretty much said she was stupid. She stopped the conversation and went in the other room. I told him that this is the type of thing that is keeping everyone from wanting to be around him. He told me that they joke like that all the time when I am not home. There have been other off color gay jokes that he has said in front of his daughter. I just think it is very insensitive to her and gives her the wrong idea that he would not support her. Also every time Lady Gaga comes on he has to say that she is the ugliest person he has ever seen. It is like she offends him just by being on tv. I want to know why people, and sorry but it seem like some men do this a lot, judge how pretty someone is when they are not so hot themselves. It seems like a woman has to be a certain amount of pretty to them even if they are fat balding bastards with no teeth. Okay sorry just wanted to get it off my chest before I hurt someone .
Yeah, that sounds bad. I had a friend who was like that in middle school and high school. I think he outgrew it though. I don't like it.
The thing is he always talks about being for gay marriage and equality. He gets mad if a news story about conversion comes on sadly there was a couple places here doing it. I don't know if that is for show but he said a lot about accepting gay marriage even before he knew about lgbt family members. I can only conclude he is a ass that says stupid things. He thinks that he is funny.
Seems like there are those who are blind to other's feelings. So sorry for the situations you've seen, dreamingfreely.
Is it possible he is not yet fully comfortable with your daughter being gay and this is some sort of defense mechanism for him? I don't think it is right by any means but I wonder if he really understands that all he is doing is pushing people further away with his commentary.
You could be on to something but I don't know for sure. I mean he says that he is okay with me identifying as bi but his actions contradict him. He has been nothing but vocal about supporting her no matter who she loves when the topic comes up. He even said he wanted to walk her down the Isle to her wife. I guess he doesn't think that his jokes can be hurtful. I mean our daughter already has self-esteem issues and has to deal with people calling her a guy because of short hair. I think he was trying for a jab at me maybe. Another instance of his childish behavior. I was telling him that my work Christmas dinner was in Del Mar and my coworker was annoyed because it was to far to Uber to her house and she said that she was just going to drive to one of our houses to ride with someone. His response was why to get some licky licky. I told him that he was out of line and he immediately apologized. Maybe him just knowing that I am bisexual turns him on and he says stupid things. He also asked me how my "date" went when I came back from happy hour with my friend. Omg she is 62 and straight not to mention not my type. Also she would never do that to him because she actually likes him and considers us family. I guess it is his insecurity coming through as well as his immaturity.
@dreamingfreely I think you nailed it with the immaturity reference. There is a man in my life exactly like what you describe. He's a good guy, wouldn't hesitate to help anyone, but is constantly picking on others and saying really inappropriate things, trying to be funny. He's like a man-child.
Sorry that you've got to live with this @dreamingfreely. I agree with @Woodswoman on his immaturity. My partner often makes insensitive jokes which he thinks are really funny. He's got enough sense not do it in public, but I wish he wouldn't say them in front of our daughter. I worry that she'll repeat them.
Hola, I think you guys are on the right track for the most part. My first reaction is hey I do that sometimes... then I asked myself why do i do that and there are a couple of reasons. I really have no idea why it's part of male/straight *i'm only able to speak to my own orientation* culture, but we pick on our friends call them names or worse all in the name of good fun.... yah kinda dumb. So one reason could be, he cares, but unfortunately we've been taught to throw rocks at things/people we like. Another part could be the "defense mechanism" which could be he's not fully comfortable with the situation, but that doesn't have to mean he's against it just means he's in the process of getting more comfortable with it and unfortunately again we can tend to poke things that we're unsure of until we know how to feel about it. And lastly yep he could just be an ass that has no concept of what other people feel.. lol hopefully not that's my 2cent insight heh I know this might of been more of a getting it off your chest situation, but here's my advice. take or leave it no worries. Concerning Bi things, him making a "licky licky" joke. He's throwing a soft rock at something he's not really sure about. If you can, laugh with him..or tell him that was a bad joke but say it nicely... Things have changed for him too, it can take time to feel safe. Just try to remember his intent. But if it really upsets you explain it to him in a way he can understand. About him saying things in front of your daughter, probably need to have a real talk about that with him. Personally I believe as adults we can see things more nuanced, but for children I try to be very clear. Again just try to say it simply and don't make it an attack. "I'm worried your comments might be affecting our daughters self esteem". Anyway cup of coffee is done. and if all else fails buy him a joke book lol I'm sorry dear but you have the worse sense of humor and you need this... chuckle you'd be throwing a soft rock at him, he might actually respond positively heh
