I just found out that this guy I'm talking to on a dating app is married (discreet, not an open marriage). Am I a horrible person for even still considering it? Normally I just walk away if someone is married or with someone but I am just undeniably attracted to him. Am I being selfish? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I personally wouldn't do it. How you get 'em is how you'll lose 'em. If he doesn't respect his marriage then how can you expect him to respect a relationship or anything that could develop with you?
Unless he is in an open relationship (which doesn't appear to be the case - and isn't in the majority of them), the best thing to do is to walk away. Even if he is physically attractive, he has a serious issue with honesty if he is cheating on his wife. I wouldn't trust a liar - even if i'm not considering more than a one night stand. Honesty is a value i hold in very, very high regard, and i don't want to connect with people like that, it is simply not worth it. If you are helping someone to cheat, and you know it, you are also part of the problem. There's no such thing as "i'm innocent - it's his relationship, and he would do it anyway!". It's the same thing as being a criminal and telling the judge "i didn't touch the money on the bank - i was just watching to see if the police was coming!". I'm not saying you are a horrible person - you are human, and we can't control our attractions. We can, however, control our actions. I highly recommend you walk away - not only because that's the honest and fair choice to do (which would be enough), but it will save you from potential problems later with the guy and his wife. If he is cheating, nothing guarantees that he won't use you and involve you in his lies, even if you don't plan to consider him for a relationship. Even if he tries to convince you that "he isn't really cheating, cause X", don't fall for that. It isn't honest or fair to his wife, and you may end up in a very, very complicated situation. It isn't worth it.
I don't know that it makes you a horrible person, but as someone who is himself married, I do think it means that this guy you're considering sleeping with (I assume that's what we're talking about) is a horrible person. There are too many wonderful people in the world to sleep with the horrible ones. If you're out and about long enough you'll end up accidentally going out with a horrible person or two, don't do it knowingly.
If you wouldn’t want someone to do that to you (putting yourself in the wife’s place... don’t be a part of letting it happen. You deserve better.
Thanks everyone for the advice. He ended up unmatching me I guess because I was taking too long to decide what to do. To be honest, I feel a little embarrassed and ashamed for even considering it so seriously in the first place, for the very reasons you all mentioned
