so I’ve come across a few people on the internet mentioning they went through a ‘hyper-feminine’ phase prior to coming out as FtM. Just wondering if this is something others have experienced?
I have heard of that. It's sort of like, a denial of what you feel inside so you try to be the opposite right?
I went through this. Was a tomboy my entire childhood, boys clothes, always wore my hair up, no makeup etc. When I started questioning at about 16 in college I started wearing my hair down and straightening it, wearing purple lipstick and black nail polish and just attempting to be more girly. After a few months of this I cut off all my hair and went completely masculine, which is what I'm comfortable with. I think the hyper-feminine phase is a last ditch attempt at being a girl for most trans guys. It can skew your perception of your gender though, just stick with who you know you are and you get through it.
I had two years of the most feminine gender expression of my life right before questioning my gender. I tried what society told me "mature/adult" and "confident/cool person" of my sex is. Being approved by society was partially relieving, but my life was a theatre play. It's fun to see that I'm not alone in this.
Yeah. I started to wear skirts and paint my nails after realising that I was a guy all along and then I came out
There was a couple months where I tried wearing skirts and dresses. I felt uncomfortable wearing them, but it was the first time people ever really told me I looked nice; up to that point I'd always felt like I was bad at "being a girl," so it was nice to have other people's approval for once. Didn't really last long, but I tried.
I had something like this. I knew I was trans at that point, it was more of a last-ditch effort to "fake it 'till you make it" and prove to myself I could live successfully as female. The idea of coming out to anyone, much less taking steps to medically transition was incredibly scary. I was also strongly pressured by my parents to be stereotypically feminine; it was a good way to get them off my case. Clearly, it didn't work. It was just super uncomfortable, and made it clear to me that I had to transition eventually.
Thanks everyone for your responses, this is so interesting! Especially that for some it has been a bit of a last ditch attempt sort of thing just prior to coming out. I feel it is what I have been doing on and off for the last maybe up to couple of years. I started wearing dresses & tights quite a lot during the day and wearing (albeit very minimal) makeup almost every day when I hadn’t really worn anything before other than special occasions. I can actually feel fairly comfortable in the dress when I am wearing it but I look in the mirror and I don’t see me. At first I liked the comments I got, about how I was looking ‘professional’ or the backhanded compliment of people saying I looked good when I made an effort. I liked it because I felt I was proving to myself I could actually be a proper girl like a few of you have said. It definitely has warped my perception a bit though as clearly if I try I fit the mould and play the part of a girl fairly well by societies’ perception. It does feel very much like acting though and it is not how I am comfortable. I’ve been backtracking pretty rapidly recently and reverting back to what I’m more comfortable wearing and I think that has made me realise just how much I’m not comfortable in feminine clothing.
In contrast I kind of had the same thing. When I was younger I tended towards more feminine behavior and such but when I started questioning I actually got really masculine. It felt really weird like I was mostly just watching my guy friends or other boys in my class and trying to be more like them. It just felt wrong, but it was like a way to try to prove to myself that I wasn't trans and that I was just blowing some thing I saw on the internet out of proportion. Needless to say, that didn't work. One positive I guess was that I kind of started opening up more. This was in high school and before all this I would be scared to even answer a question in class despite knowing everyone for a few years. Although it felt really weird, it was like forcing myself to be someone I wasn't helped me kind of open up and stop caring about what people thought of me. It was really the first time the "popular" high school kids would start talking to me and it was 'nice', but it felt really uncomfortable as well.
I know one older trans woman who said she basically tried to live as the best man she could, before transitioning. Forgot the exact reason(s) why, but I think it had something to do with being the "last option". You hear of folk running from themselves, usually going to extremes before deciding its futile. In my case, its necessity, for gaining employment and becoming independent. A few years ago I cut all my hair off, and when someone pointed out to me that there were girls checking me out, I felt a mixture of disgust/shame/anger/frustration.
I can relate to this. For a long time i thought that i just needed to try to doll myself up or do my hair different because didn't like myself or how i looked for feel comfortable looking in a mirror. Rarely actually went through with it, though. I guess that's just how society raises you so its your first thought? It was for me anyways. But that felt even more uncomfortable. Fake, disingenuous, uncomfortable.
