Is it just me or is it super difficult to make fellow lgbt friends? I legit have 2 gay friends, 1 lesbian friend which happens to be my girlfriend, and 0 trans friends. And I've lost distance with my 2 gay friends, so there's that. I don't have a difficult time having conversations or approaching someone to make friends, or so I don't think I do. The problem for me is possibly the fact that I live in a small town surrounded by smaller towns, therefore everyone kind of knows each other, and the lgbt community is small. Which leads to my next issue, and that is the issue of every time I do make a fellow lesbian friend the friendship always ends because they are always interested in hooking up & talking as in relationship. This literally happens every time. And when I say I'm not interested, not looking for a relationship, or explain that I'm in a relationship they immediately stop talking to me. With that being said it would be super nice to make some fellow lgbt friends, specifically fellow lesbians. & just friends, someone similar in a sense just to have a normal conversation with about whatever. That's clearly super difficult for me to find. Any advice?
I think you're right that it's a function of being in a very small pool. If there aren't a lot of people in that pool it's going to be harder to find others and when you do they're going to have that "aha I found one" moment which I can see would be very frustrating. Where I live you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a gay person so it's not as much of an issue. I suppose in a way that's part of why both my husband and I moved here.
I'm going to tell you a little story as one of those lesbians who does assume that another lesbian approaching me (on the basis of us both being lesbians) has to do with sexual or romantic interest. I wouldn't ditch you if you said you were only interested in being friends, but I am slightly cautious about the situation. I will explain: I don't feel entitled to dating anyone, but I get confused why people seek me out for no other reason than for being a lesbian unless they are interested in relationships/sex/etc. I already have good friendships with straight/asexual women and men of any orientation, so I end up feeling confused on what another lesbian is going to offer to the table. It's not that I wouldn't be friends with a lesbian mind you, it's just that I prefer it to happen naturally: such as book/art clubs where conversations on sexuality do not define our first meeting. When another lesbian approaches me -only- because I'm gay, I end up being wary that she may be trying to project her own issues/experiences on me. Like putting me in a box, stereotyping me, and assuming I empathize with everything about her due to us both being gay. I had a really bad experience with this. A lesbian approached me due to us both being gay and neither of us were interested in dating. I was ok with this since I wanted friends, but the friendship went really sour because she projected her own lesbian issues on me. I have my own experiences and I don't relate to hers which lead her to being frustrated that "I couldn't be the perfect lesbian friend she wanted". It felt really weird. So now, whenever lesbians approach me with the intent of "I want lesbian friends", I feel really cautious. If a lesbian approaches me with the intent of "I want friends in general, and we both just happen to be lesbians", I tend to mind it less.
I don't really have any advice but I have the same sort of issues, I live in a small town and it seems everyone just wants to hook up. Not just the girls either. I have (had?) a massive group of friends who were LGBT girls and guys, I ended up getting hit on by quite a few of them. Especially the guys. And I appreciate it to a certain degree, like it's cute if someone has a crush or whatever and I know you can't control feelings like that but a lot of the time it ended up getting creepy and made me weary of making anymore LGBT friends. I feel like even if we start off with the intention of being friends, romantic feelings always develop anyway. I find I get along better with gay guys nowadays because at least I know that relationship is strictly platonic... At least you can make LGBT friends here on EC ^-^
It is. It is extremely hard to make friends in the LGBT community. For a laundry list of reasons. But I'll blame cliques/groups for one. This community is in shambles that way. Many of us are ashamed and self conceited. Many of us are apart of cliques. No matter how perfect you are, and how many qualifications you meet, you will still not be allowed into a clique. Because that's just the way it is. The people that are apart of the clique, are apart of the clique and aren't going to welcome anybody else.
I do know what you mean - I live in a village of 800 people and the only other LGBTQ+ human being here is my best friend who I grew up with. In larger cities its easier, But the easiest thing to do is try and make friends with your LGBTQ+ friends and there friends ECT.
