so... My friend who is engaged said she missed swiping on dating apps and I told her to grab mine and switch it to men and go for it, just so she could have fun. She swiped left on everyone but she came across one guy she thought I would find attractive (because in the past I had perhaps been interested in a guy with a similar look). So she swiped right on him and we matched. I was really bored this weekend and he started texting me. He's cute, sure, and he's a huge NERD. And when I was little and heteronormativity ruled my life, I always figured Id end up with a nerdy guy who reads comic books and like, collects legos (both of which things this guy does). Point is, he's everything a young, confused me would have wanted but the idea of sleeping with him is not really appealing to me at all. But I almost want to give it a shot... Here's the thing, the holidays have started and my loneliness exponentially increases during this time. And whenever I feel lonely, I start to question if I like men, too. Or if I'd be willing to continue giving chances to them. But every time I do, I'm reminded of the fact that I just don't feel that way about men. This is just a stupid rant but I needed to get this out of my system. That's all folks!
There is nothing wrong with chatting to him and going on a date. Have some fun and see how you feel you don’t have to sleep with him. You never know you could be good friends.
I tend to disagree, I mean there is no harm on going on a date true and you are of course not forced to go any further but I feel like you would be taking a step back on your progress. If you were telling you you actually liked him I think I'd say something different but I feel as though it's just you saying maybe I feel I try hard enough I can like men just because right now a girl is hard to come by and I get the loneliness and holiday time etc etc but I don't think it's a great idea.
Oh ok I didn’t pickup on that. I thought you were actually keen. I wouldn’t keep testing yourself in the hope that you will like men, it sounds like you already have and came to the same conclusion so I wouldn’t do that to yourself. I don’t see a problem with being friends with a guy though if you make that clear from the beginning?
It's not a stupid rant dear. It's also really relatable how you're feeling. I think most of us know how hard it is to be single at times. It sounds like though, you're barging with yourself because you feel lonely. Like, sure you don't like men, but if it "could" happen it would cure the loneliness. It's a nice fantasy. While a friendship would probably help, I don't think being with a guy would make you feel less lonely as a lesbian. So maybe make a new friend or spend more time with friends. It's not a substitute but it can help.
Yeah you are all right... I haven't actually met him in person but our texting is fun because he's a nerd and so am I, so it all flows well. But I do feel like this would just be me testing myself again, for sure. He asked me to the movies. I might go and just be super honest and make a friend. The holidays are the worstttt
They are. Nobody would blame you I just feel like we would be having a conversation in a couple of months time about how he is a really nice guy but you don't like him like that and now you feel bad because you feel as though you led him on. Nothing wrong with trying to strike up a friendship with him as long as he knows where he stands.
I mean truthfully I told him I'm moving away soon (FINALLY MAKING STRIDES ON THE JOB FRONT) so it's not like this will lead anywhere... So this whole thread is pointless other than just to say that loneliness makes me consider men... hah
Yeah. Lonliness can make your mind go crazy because of all the alone time. I know that I have had times like that. But I know one thing for sure, I am gay.
I wish I had the confidence to say I'm 100% gay but I question it way too often... maybe because I haven't been with a woman yet and men are easily accessible. I just think of the lives my friends will have with their husbands and I would love to have that kind of life for myself. And as much as Id love a wife, it would still be different... But then when I date men I'm like UGHHHHH Why aren't brains easy to unscramble. Also, I can't really say I'm alone too much. I'm pretty much always with friends. BUT I miss human contact. I cant even remember what kissing someone is like.
I think what you're feeling is totally normal. Questions of sexual orientation are not easy. Yes, loneliness could be a factor. Otherwise, bisexuality may be at issue, which is perfectly fine if that's the case. When I was coming to terms with my sexual orientation, I did so much research and got therapy. I learned so much. If you're familiar with the Kinsey scale, you'll see that sexuality isn't limited to gay or straight, but a grayscale of attraction. One of the greatest researchers on this matter is Lisa Diamond who has found that the majority of people fall somewhere between gay and straight. So, things are not so simple. Just don't be hard on yourself. Do what you feel like doing. There are no rules in life. ❤️
Yeah I definitely believe in the Kinsey scale. I just have simply never enjoyed intimacy with men so it makes me think I'm 100% gay. But maybe I'm like a biromantic lesbian (is that a thing?!) I went to the movies with the guy. I'm seeing him again today. I don't know what to think and either way, I'm moving away very soon, but at the very least I have someone to go see nerdy movies with and banter via text. I'm not gonna push it into a physical relationship, like I have in the past, just to test if I like men. I'm just gonna get to know him and see if I like him, even as a person. It's crazy though because he literally checks all the boxes of the kind of guy I envisioned being with before I met my trigger crush. (this is super specific but was also like a wishlist LMAO) -Tall -Blonde -Plays guitar -more into video games than sports -nerdy -well educated -smart -sarcastic -kind idk... I'm gonna stop reading so much into it. Being in this island, meeting a woman to date is just NOT gonna happen so in the meantime, might as well make new friends. long rant again...
I relate to this. On our good days, when we have a good time together as a family, I feel like a have a great life. When it's going well, I love this lifestyle. It's what I've always wanted. There's something warm and fuzzy about it. It's secure and everyone accepts it. I do think life with a woman wouldn't be quite the same, but like you, I'm not attracted to men. I might because we're not used to picturing (and seeing) a future or happy ending in that context. I had a 'tick list' too and my partner mostly matches it (or I thought he did), but it's not enough for long-term happiness. I can be happy day-to-day, but not in a deeper sense.
So here's the latest, because last week was CRAZY and I need to write it out... 1. My grandmother passed away. And normally when loved ones die, I don't really have a strong reaction, but every time I think of the fact that I'll never see her again, it makes me ache so much. She was such a special lady. I'm happy I was able to say goodbye to her in the hospital before she died, though. And while I was there, I thought of the fact that my grandfather died over 15 years ago and she never dated anyone else. He was the one for her. And it makes me wish and hope to find a soulmate like that someday. 2. I got A BUNCH of leads for jobs... I have an interview today for an executive assistant position for a CEO in NYC. It pays REALLY WELL. But I haven't studied and worked my ass off in marketing to NOT do that, you know? I have 4 more potential interviews this week though, so hopefully that won't be my only lead. 3. I went on 2 dates with the guy from the dating app. He's nice, and handsome, and seems interested in me enough to text me daily. I kind of feel like this is one of two things: a.) It could be the universe sending me someone to practice dating with (because I haven't dated in FOREVER), so that when someone meaningful (hopefully a woman) comes along, the idea of dating won't be so daunting, or b.) I could end up really liking him? The thing is, I like him enough right now. He makes me laugh. But, the physical aspect of relationships with men is what usually gets to me. So I guess we'll see... I don't know what to think but you all know I'm into the universe giving me signs and so far the universe is steering me in the direction of this guy, for some reason, so I'm gonna trust it and see what the purpose of the interaction is. All of this is just to say that last week was SO OVERWHELMING, but I'm ok. Taking it all in stride.
I am sorry that your grandmother passed away. It sounds like you learnt a lot from her. Well done on getting all those interviews!! Good luck for the other four. I don't see anything wrong with continuing to see the guy if you enjoy his company. Just see where it goes and don't do anything that you're uncomfortable with. It sounds like you're taking it slowly and really considering how you're feeling about it, which is good. Anyone would be overwhelmed with so much going on, but it sounds like you're handling it all really well. Keep us updated.
If it makes you feel any better, I have been married for 11 years and with him for 18 years, and before I fell in love with a woman last year and had an affair, I couldn't remember what kissing felt like either. Now dealing with our impending separation, I am sure the holidays are always going to be the worst. Christmas is ruined for both of us this year emotionally, but we are trying to give the kids and our extended family one last "normal" Christmas before we separate and begin to tell people (my parents know thank goodness and we have always had Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at their house so at least we have that).
Hey I'm really sorry about your grandma, when my grandma died it took me while to get over it and I still think about her all the time but it definitely hurts less. Congrats on the interviews I will keep my fingers crossed.
