So I've got a job interview coming up in a few days and I'm not sure if I should come out as a trans-man to the interviewer. Mostly because I'm not out at home and I'm paranoid of things. For example, I'm paranoid of the job sending me mail with my chosen name on it and my parents find it because they're the ones that check the mail most of the time. I'm also just awkward at coming out. I'm out at my current job and to most, if not all, of my friends, which gives me incentive to come out at this job because I know how much I like being called by the right name and pronouns at my current job. Anyone have any advice?
Well, if you do decide to, you should wait until the end of the interview when they ask you, "do you have any questions about the work environment?" And then you could mention your concerns. I wouldn't recommend leading with it.
Well, the biggest issue is that there is a lot of paperwork that I'm having to fill out before the job interview. Some of the paperwork has spots for me to put a "nickname" and while I certainly wouldn't call my chosen name a nickname, I feel like in that sense it would be considered a nickname since it is not yet my legal name. That's where the fear of having mail coming to my house addressed to me as my chosen name comes from, I'm scared that if I put it down on paperwork, that they'll use that name instead of my legal name. Which, if I wasn't living with my parents, wouldn't be a problem, but since I am, my brain is kinda obsessed over it. There's also places where I have to specify my sex or my gender. I also don't know what to put there, because while every legal document as of now says I am a female, that is certainly not what I identify as.
Hi there! First off congratulations on the interview! Given the fears, concerns you have mentioned, it might be best not to come out at this point, and stay with what is still your legal name, etc... There is a reason why you have the concerns you have mentioned. I understand the want and need for wanting to be open Unfortunately, there are still employers out there who will discriminate based on gender, sexual orientation, etc.... about who you are, and how you identify. If I place myself in your situation, and try to see it from your perspective, I would likely have the same thoughts and/or wants; but, and unless the company or organisation has an official diversity policy, where you know that forms of hidden discrimination are less likely going to be used/applied to the hiring process/decision making process after the interview, I am not sure that coming out at this point would aid in securing the employment. Sometimes, it is better to come out once you have the job, and know the lay of the land as it were. You can always go back and change things or ask them to include additional information afterwards. What kind of paper work are they asking you to fill out?
It’s paperwork for security clearance and stuff like that. Nothing out of the ordinary for a potential job with a state government.
Given the kind of paper work it is, and unless things differ vastly between Canada and the United States when it comes to security clearances for government positions/jobs, I'd suggest you go with your legal name, gender etc... I know this is hard, but given the nature of the paperwork, you might just need to stay with whatever is legal at the moment. Doing that, and as uncomfortable as it might be or is, it could help you to put the fears aside, and concentrate on the interview for now. This is not to take away from your need, and want, but things seem to be invading your thoughts/mind to the point where it could have an impact in how you do during the interview. As it is a job with the state government, I wouldn't worry too much about hidden forms of discrimination as such, and assuming it is a job you want, I would make sure to go in without the 'ifs' and 'what happens when'.
Oh I'm totally putting all of my legal information down. I'm just trying to decide whether I should put down my chosen name where they give me the option to use a nickname. With part of it being a background check I know that I have to give them my legal name and everything since it wouldn't work out if I gave them a name that matched none of my other information
If it is causing the kinds of fears/worries you have mentioned, it might be best to leave it blank for now.
Possibly you could look up the specific job and try to research to find out if other trans people work there. If you look on line, there should be resources out there that talk about how to handle coming out, especially since you are working for the government. You might want to check out how excepting that particular government organization is towards trans people. Sometimes on forms there will be an option to say that you are trans. Maybe there's a way you could look that up in advance?
