Hi there, I'd like to start by saying thank you to everybody who supported me with my last thread post, which was a few months ago now. Having finally accepted who and what I am was incredibly difficult, but I still have questions that I hope some of you may be able to answer for me. Since my last visit to the site I spoke in depth to my parents about my sexuality, some days I am absolutely certain of my sexuality, I am a lesbian (and believe me it took a lot for me to even utter the word) and I have no desire to discuss it with anybody who doubts it. However, I still find myself questioning it a lot some days. Upon 'coming out' I sobbed like a child for a few days, refused to even use the word gay as a joke and found myself terrified to see my family ever again. On the plus side, self love is certainly better in every aspect of the word, self worth through the roof and my relationships stronger than ever. I have no desire to sleep with a man, I find them to be amazing and have many great friends that are male, but never do I lust after men, don't find men sexually attractive or feel the need to fantasise about them. Recently somebody asked the question 'would I ever consider having sex with a man' and my immediate reaction was no, but on further musings I became uncertain. I find men attractive, can name two men in my life that I get very excited about seeing, even get a little bit flustered in their presence, but I couldn't say it was romantic, more that I have great respect for them and do, admittedly, become a little obsessive (I suffer with OCD, so it's not unusual). I guess the questions here came with the fact that I bloody love cuddling these two gentle giants. Couple this with the fact that I still haven't had a girlfriend or sexual relations with a woman, but came close to sex with a man once, many moon ago, and never attempted to again because it felt so bad/wrong and, annoyingly and without just cause, I find myself back at square one. I guess, what I'm trying to find out is, do you ever stop questioning yourself? Is there ever a point where somebody will ask me a stupid question and I'll answer 'whatever dude, I'm definitely gay, leave it out'? Does my desire to be with men I respect, even though not intimately, make me bi? Thanks in advance to anybody who reads/replies <3
Hi. I understand what you’re saying and sorry that you still feel confused sometimes. I’m not sure if my reply will help but maybe you’ll feel a little less like you’re the only one. I would say that 95% of the time I’m completely sure of my sexuality, that I’m a lesbian but I also do still have those moments where doubt creeps in. I’m not sure how old you are but I’m in my early 30s and only just came out this year. All of my past relationships have been with men although it never felt right for me and I knew deep down that I was gay but unfortunately society and internal stuff led me down a ‘straight’ path for years...this is where my doubt comes in, trying to reconcile past behaviour with how I feel now. However, I’ve come to realise that what has happened in the past doesn’t really matter, it’s what I want now that does. I can still see that a man is attractive although I’m not attracted to them which is where the difference lies. Maybe you’re the same with the men that you mention in your post? When these doubts creep in I ask myself a very simple question, what do I want? Do I want to be with a man or a woman? The answer is always the same. Women always win for me and that helps to push the doubt aside. From your post, it sounds like you struggled/struggle with accepting your sexuality which could be why these moments of questioning occur. The brain is very powerful and is very good at talking you out of things and causing confusion even if your gut and your heart tell you otherwise. Try not to stress too much when the doubts and questions crop up, just take a breath and roll with it. Don’t overthink too much as you’ll drive yourself crazy, soon things will settle and you’ll find that you will doubt less and less. Also as a side note, the word lesbian still doesn’t sit right with me. It still kinda makes me flinch a bit even though I’ve accepted that it’s who I am. Personally I prefer gay and that’s the word that I use if I ever discuss my sexuality with anyone. Honestly though, Try not to panic too much. Time helps calm things down. I promise.
Hi! I came out a couple of months ago too, and since I've never been with a woman yet, I can say that sometimes I catch myself doubting again. But I personnally took the decision to never restrict or define myself with my label. I've been with men, and I didn't like it at all, so I highly doubt I'll ever want to be with a man again, but what if? If I ever meet a guy that I really love, I don't see why I wouldn't go out with him. So for now I decided to label myself as a lesbian, but to never close my eyes on anybody, no matter the gender. I'd rather go with the person that I love instead of a specific gender. Do what feels right for you!
