Ugh.. My boyfriend is more attractive than me, and it hurts.

hi I probably cant give you proper advice considering I'm a young, but I think you're living in his shadow (no pun intended). I can relate I have 4 other siblings. Maybe you should tell him I feel like honesty is the best thing in a relationship. Are you just jealous of him? Or do you wish you got more attention? From your profile picture yo loo absolutely fine. So don't beat yourself up beauty is found within isn't it?

 

I think you should flaunt (I don't now if that's the word but) your beauty man!! Don't waste time wishing for the things you don't have either make it happen or show your strengths, your personality your glasses (which are hella cute btw) and stop living in his shadow! Cause you now you only live once and if you truly love him you will get over it! I believe in you!!

 

Relatable. I constantly feel like I can't possibly be good enough physically to sustain a relationship. As someone skilled in technical drawing, beauty is an ideal I can't even begin to approach. But I can certainly admire and appreciate it haha. Some people...are just profoundly lucky to have the genetic profile to be handsome. My envy knows no bounds when it comes to that. I have despised my physical body for so long (as long as I can remember, when I was a child) that I'm effectively broken goods.
Anyways...I can't help you much there (we are who we are after all), but just know that some gay men like me can never have what you do. Count yourself lucky that someone truly loves you.

 

Okay here is the thing, I can kind of relate here but for a different reason, I feel like I drive people away from me with my personality and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have a boyfriend in my life. Those moments do happen and I overreact to basically everything, I become dramatic and I just try and understand why I am feeling the way I feel. You are lucky you have a boyfriend and I personally think you don't need to be as attractive as your boyfriend is. If everyone was just walking mega attractive people, the world would be boring. Look at the positives about yourself, you are friendly and cute and kind, you have those things and he has his own things. I do know it can definitely be hard to think about the positives I find it hard when I'm in those situations where I feel like I'm driving away every guy who is interested in me. Just remember you are so lucky, you have a boyfriend and he loves you, just look at how he feels about you, don't give a damn about what society says is Hot. If he considers you a sexy attractive boyfriend, you are a sexy attractive boyfriend. I learnt that society just wants you to be depressed about who you are a long time ago.

 

It's not a competition :/ He chose you for whatever reason(s). I'm sure you have strengths he lacks, and vice versa. It's easy to assume attractive people are automatically more smart, moral, or whatever, but in many cases it can be the exact opposite!

I have seen couples that are practically twins. Not sure how close you two are, physically, but I can confidently say you are *not* physically unattractive. You have your picture posted, so that has to say something.

People can sense if you're uncomfortable around them, and will behave accordingly. If he's confident and outgoing, people would gravitate towards him, even without realizing it or knowing why. I'm guessing that's what drew you to him in the first place. Maybe he can give you some pointers?

 

Sensing that I am a bit older than you (quite a bit!) my best advice here through my own experience in life is: do not be your own worst enemy here. It is easy to slide into a place where these self deprecating thoughts become a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Also be very cautious about (unintentionally) putting him on a pedestal in your mind. Anytime we do that it skews the 'power' in a relationship. Not saying that relationships are about who has more 'power'. But I do know (lots of learning the hard way-lol) that maintaining a sense of our personal power within a relationship is an important ingredient for a healthy relationship! And if we give over our personal power due to feeling like we are 'less than' (in any way), it automatically ends up defaulting the 'control' of the relationship to the partner (even when they aren't seeking any control at all.) Sort of subtle how this all happens...

Don't forget too that we tend to seek confirmation of the things we think about ourselves, and can create confirmation even when it's not there. Your assessment of being with him at a restaurant and your interactions with a waitress could be an example. Of course I can't say that waitresses AREN'T paying him more attention -- maybe they are. But it could be that you interpret these things in a way that lines up with your own beliefs about yourself. Could be way off, but just a thought. And if they are paying more attention to him...so what?

It sounds like you have a lot going for you. And remember your boyfriend chose you because of all those great attributes!
Take care.

 

As the old belief goes, the grass is always greener on the other side (until you get there). It may seem like your boyfriend has everything, but he doesn't. Focus on the things that you have that he doesn't have and that make you great.

Also, the idea that "handsome" guys and "beautiful" women have it so easy is a myth. Being considered super attractive by many people isn't always positive, as it can be difficult to maintain friendships due to people's jealousy, difficult to discern if people like them for who they are or only because they are physically attractive, not being taken seriously by colleagues or hit on by bosses, etc. People also think it's so easy for attractive people to find love, which is also untrue; it's just as hard for them to find love as it is for everybody else. Sure, they may have it a bit easier in terms of finding people to have sex with, but that does not mean it's easier for them to find mutually fulfilling and long-lasting love.

It's fine if your bf feels that he's the more attractive one, but I am curious how that has been communicated to you. If that is something he has said, I would question his reasons for saying that and would wonder if your jealousy is partially being fueled by his narcissism. Perhaps he's *making* you feel like you're not good enough for him? If he's not, then this is primarily an internal issue for you to work out. Remember also that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I guarantee you that there are people out there who would consider you more attractive than your significant other

 

Okay first thing: "I envy how attractive people can walk into a room and everyone wants to pounce on them. I want to feel validated like that. I don't want to have to work to make people like me. I don't want to be judged before my mouth even opens!"

Who doesn't wish they could be as beautiful as <insert name of favorite person here>? Also, if by 'like you' you mean appreciate, relate to, enjoy the company of, etc. you most certainly have to work to "make people like you". Friendship isn't easier for beautiful people. In fact, many people would probably venture that the particular kind of 'friendship' apparent among 'hot' people is superficial and shallow at best. Most of what constitutes real friendships has very, very little to do with how others perceive your appearance. First impressions are one thing, but honesty, compassion, reliability, loyalty, and trust are far more important here.

And...second of all: "If society thinks attractive people are smart, moral, or whatever...." Allow me to let you in on a little secret here. Attractiveness != intelligence AT ALL. Like not even close. Intelligent conversation is something wholly separate from idolized beauty. Frequently, the smart people are the ones you probably don't notice. Most of the 'beautiful' people I've placed my trust in have lied to me, used me because they're too lazy or stupid to learn things on their own, or let me down entirely. If you think good looks means other people will view a beautiful person as better morally or intellectually, you are very, VERY wrong.

 

I wouldn't. There's a *ton* of pressure to be at your best, which could mean things like taking care of your health, at best, to getting harmful surgical procedures done, at worst (I think these people might be mentally ill, personally). People judge you before they even get to know you, again, which could involve petty jealousy, insecure avoidance, or putting you on a pedestal.

Have you heard some of these interviews with models? It's a clusterfuck. I'm a lot happier being average, with a small circle of friends who share common interests, rather than someone just wanting to get in my pants, or whatever. It would be far too stressful to be a perfect ten. And I've actually fallen in love with people online, just from their personalities. It would be easier if people were incorporeal beings.