What's your opinion?

I'll start with a bit of background. I'll try to keep it short.

I started questioning during a bad patch in my current relationship. At that time it made sense in theory, but I had no evidence of being attracted to women in reality. This changed when I crossed paths with a former colleague. I was a bit taken back, so I said hello but kept walking, even though she stopped. I've seen her a couple times since then and we've not spoken.

When I think back, I'm not sure how I didn't realise that I had a crush on her. There are some signs that she may have had a crush on me, but that's just speculation, and isn't going to help me now.

My first question; is it odd that I still think about her now, even though it's been years since we've spoken properly? As I'm still with my opposite-sex partner, I'm not in a position to meet anyone else, so when I imagine myself in a relationship with a woman, it's her that I put in that role.

My second question; if I get to a place where I'm separated from my partner (i.e. I can come out), would it be weird for me to message her and explain why I ignored her? I think it probably would be. I think I just need to accept that I've burnt that bridge and move on.

 

I could bump into her. I saw her last weekend, but I don't think she saw me.

I did send her an apology message a few months after we crossed paths the second time, but she didn't reply. She works for the same company as my partner, so I can't say too much to her whilst my partner doesn't know.

It never crossed my mind that she might be bi/gay whilst we were working together, but she never had a boyfriend or showed any interest in finding one. My partner and I split up after about 6 weeks, and I met up with her the next day to talk it out. She went the cinema with my partner a day or two later and apparently spent the evening bitching about me (which I found out about a couple months later). My partner reckoned she was gay and fancied me. After I got back together with my partner, our friendship pretty much faded away, we'd talk at work but no days out together, meeting up outside work. She did come to my leaving do though, and was the last to leave, waited outside with me until my lift arrived.

 

I wasn't planning on contacting her in any way before speaking to my partner. Sorry if that wasn't clear. I was more wondering whether it would be completely weird from her perspective, even in that scenario, and if I should try to forget about it completely.

I appreciate your point about focusing on my current relationship, but it's really bothered me for some reason. I'm not sure that's what the thread was really about anyway. I don't think I can stop thinking about women altogether. That would probably require more effort than I waste thinking about them now. I'll deal with my relationship when I get I there, which I appreciate is slower than most, but I don't see why I can't think about happier alternative in the meantime. It feels like everything I post comes back to this, which is probably fair in some ways. It's frustrating, I suppose. I know I need to sort out my relationship, I'm sure I've said it myself, but I cannot force myself not think about anything else. I'm going to shut up now.

 

@silverhalo Thank you. I don't know why it bothered me. I just feel a bit stuck, I guess. I'm going to try not think about it anyway. Just focus on making it to Christmas!

 

@silverhalo That's probably why it plays on my mind so much. I can't do anything about it.

@Lia444 I'm prepared to be devastated. When I think realistically she'll be straight, with someone else, never liked me anyway, etc. then I feel it a bit, but I won't really feel it until I know. Actually, I don't think it'd be as bad if she were straight, because I won't have missed anything in that scenario.

 

@Lia444 Thanks. Sorry about ranty message before.

 

Haha...I don't actually have a list. Having said that I have written pros and cons lists about him before, but this was years ago.

 

I think my thoughts are too jumbled to be considered a list. A mindmap might be more accurate.