Hey yall, For past 7 months now I more or less feel strange about my sexuality. It started when I randomly came across this gay porn cartoon, like a comic. Anytime before that I saw gay porn, I would just get weirded out and lose any arousal. Not that time. Felt as if I was hollow afterwards, as if I was doing something wrong, something unnatural. After some time arousal from that cartoon wore off, yet now I kept looking for something similar. I started actively looking for stuff like porn. I kept switching between straight porn (95%) and gay porn like that. Lately though I find myself being more and more interested in real life counterparts. The reason I'm concerned is that now often gay porn like that is more arousing than straight porn, while in my day to day life I've pretty much never thought about having sex with male or that I'd be interested in male as S.O. (I had some thoughts like "that guy looks good", or "what a handsome man" but more in a competitive way as in I think he's more attractive to women). I feel strong attraction to females, I've never dreamt about having sex, or being intimate with a man, and when I thought to give myself a test of sorts just by thinking about having sex with a man and trying to masturbate just by thinking about it - it never went to finish. So now the thing is that when I'm flirting with girls I constantly feel that attraction, so I consider myself straight and I have no doubt about it. But when I'm home I find myself again digging through the internet, trying to find something that could get me there again. And that tears me apart. I'd really like to hear what you guys think about it, is it a fetish I have or maybe someone have similar experience?
Hello! From what you've said, I'd take a guess and say you're probably straight. If I understood correctly, same-sex thoughts don't arouse you while straight ones do. Have you thought about this from a relationship-wise perspective? Take a step back for a moment, let go of terms as "gay" and "straight" and let yourself feel how you respond to some potential scenarios: what does being emotionally and physically intimate with another guy feel like to you? With a girl? How about sexually? Sometimes in a state of confusion as I assume is the one in which you are, the answers don't come with as much clarity as we would like. But putting things in perspective and looking inwards is a good way to discover whom you really are. Porn isn't usually a good indicator anyway; we as humans many times become aroused just at the thought of sex itself irrespective of who is performing. Fantasies and thoughts speak more clearly. In any case, there is nothing wrong with being something other than 100% heterosexual, even if it might seem at first. If you do end up discovering that you are somewhere along the spectrum, fear not! Some people may need a good length of time truly find their identity, whether that's gay, bi, ace or straight. Does any of this resonate with you?
I would think you'r probably straight, with a 5% chance if being bi. Having said that porn is possibly the worst way to find out your sexual orientation. The real question is who do you want to have a relationship with (in real life)? When I was young I only thought about guys, I had to force myself to think about women when 'playing with myself'. (that didn't work.) Just ask yourself, if being 'gay' or 'straight' was not a thing and sex was about who you fell in love with, who would you have a crush on?
