As the title says I hate hate the fact that I'm attracted to both men and females. I've known since 2005 that I was interested in both and since then I've hated myself. I'm also a Christian and I was raised that homosexuality was a sin and god hated it. This of course means he hates me. Idk why I'm posting this , maybe because I for a long time I pretended that it didn't bother me. In the end tho it has been eating away at me. Iv only told people that I know have no chance of telling my family besides my little sis. Can anyone help me or am I doomed to constantly hate myself?
Techn0path....Been there...done that. My self-hatred was tearing me apart. I am a Christian and I am gay. I tried to convince myself that I was straight with just a kink for guys. It was a lie. No matter how hard I tried, I could not "turn off" my attraction to other guys. I prayed for years for God to take it away and it did no good. I condemned myself over and over for my weakness. There is more to it..but that does give you a good idea of the hell that I was living. That lasted for 50+ years! In Dec. 2014 I reached a crisis. I sat here at my computer with enough drugs to end my life and decided to try one last thing. I had found empty closets a few weeks before, so in desperation I made my first post begging for help. I had already decided that if no one replied, I would take the pills. Empty closets quite literally saved my life. I had so many people respond that I just put my head down on the desk and cried like a baby. I made my first faltering, tiny steps that night and was encouraged all along the way by the wonderful folks here on EC. At that point I finally accepted that I was gay and always had been. However, that did not solve the conflict that I had over being gay and believing that the Bible said, that God said I was an evil abomination that never should have been born. That was so very difficult for me to understand. How could a loving God make me this way and then send me to hell because I was this way? Two books were suggested to me...these books turned my life around and let me see that God did not hate me. They showed me that the Bible DOES NOT CONDEMN BEING GAY!!! We have been taught something that is not in the Bible for many, many years. I did a lot of study and research on my own (I am an academic with a Master's Degree). When I truly looked at the "clobber passages" that are used to condemn us I found that they DO NOT MEAN what we have been told. I am very serious about this. I was not trying to make the Bible say what I wanted...I was looking to find out what it really, and I mean REALLY said about being gay. Nowhere does the Bible condemn committed, same-sex relationships as we know them today. It does condemn sex as idol worship in the temples, and often that sex was between men and boys as well as men and women. Even the story of Sodom has been twisted to be about homosexuals wanting to have sex with the angels. For the true reason that Sodom was destroyed check out Ezekiel 16:49-50. Reading those verses made me mad...why had they never been spoken about in church? They tell the real reason, it has nothing to do with H. and it has been ignored in favor of telling us that Sodom was destroyed because of H. - that is simply WRONG! Just in case you notice the words "committed abomination" in that verse, it is the word "towebah" which refers to idolatry - again sexual prostitution in temples. I can give you more information about passages in the New Testament...if you want that just let me know...I'll be happy to share it with you. So, the result of my reading and study have now helped me understand that God made me this way, He accepts me as I am and being gay has NOTHING to do with his love for me. The self-hatred that I suffered from for so long is gone. I so hope that you will have the chance to read these books and study those passages that are used to condemn us. I so hope that you will, as I have, come to the understanding that God does not reject us because we are LGBT...it is prejudiced human beings that have twisted the Bible to condemn us. If you have more questions or just need to share and get things off your chest....PLEASE don't hesitate to post here on EC. I know we will do our best to help you. I will be watching for your posts...I so want you to find the freedom that I have found!! OK Here are the two books: 1) "God and the Gay Christian" by Matthew Vines 2) "Torn" by Justin Lee They are available in print form, in ereader for Kindle and smart phones and also in Audible format so you can listen to them while you are driving, etc. I have read both of them several times and have also got them in Audible format and listened to them several times. I hope that this has helped and will be thinking about you. Hang in there....God loves you and we do to!! ....David
Thank you for your response. I am definitely going to read these books. I have thought about suicide multiple times in my life due to this and bullying in my child hood. I could never really do it thow I couldn't hurt those who might love me. I know its weird that me living is only because it would harm those around me. Your response really hit a spot inside of me. I have been checking this site for a response ever 30 min since I posted it untill about 5pm due to it being thanksgiving and going to see family. I was actually going to delete my account because I thought it was another dead site ( site that no one uses). Sorry I'm rambling just that I didn't exspect a response or help. Thank you so much ill keep me account here and try as much as I can to look towards a better tomorrow. Sincerely yours techn0path P.s really thanks for the books also sorry about my grammar I'm not the best.
Techn0path....no one cares about the grammar, what we care about is you. So glad that I can help. Empty closets has helped me so much. I feel I need to do what I can to help others as I was helped. Being a Christian and being gay is difficult. So many of our LGBT family have been cruelly treated by those who claim to be Christians but do not show the love that we should express to everyone. Religion is a hot topic under the best of circumstances, but when so many "religious" people condemn you to hell just because of who you love, it becomes explosive. However, there are Christians out there who have come to understand that not everything that has been taught for years is based in an accurate understanding of what the Bible says. I am one of them. It is dangerous to just throw away everything you have learned, but a close examination of the "Traditional Teachings" is not just good, but necessary. I really think those two books will help you put things together. Let me know if I can help in any way at all! ....David
I'm sorry to hear Currently, I identify as bisexual, but don't personally hate myself for it. Just know that you shouldn't be ashamed of it. You can't control who you are attracted to.
Hey, I just want to tell you a little thing. I am lesbian, but identified as a bisexual a few months ago. You are not alone. You know why? There are so many people on this website that it is impossible to not have the same problem as anybody else. GAYNESS IS NOT A DISEASE. It is a beautiful part of you that makes you, you. And have you heard this, “Adam and eve, not Adam and Steve.” 1. SCREW THEM. And 2. Then who the frick made Steve? Satan? who made Adam? God. Who made them gay? God. “There are no mistakes only happy little accidents.” GOD LOVES EVERYONE, DO NOT HATE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE GAY, EMBRACE IT!
hey Techn0path. Though we are not in exactly the same situation, i can feel some of the pain: 1. I am a Christian and know that im gay since teenage. I never deliberately made a choice to be gay, of course i wish that i'm not but at 30 something now i recognize that it's probably not going to change 2. I am still in very deep closet that noone knows that I'm gay... getting very close to let someone know just few days ago (maybe didnt deny something means i admitted it, if the listener was smart enough lol) but hey at least you are more ahead of me already that a few people know! The most important thing i wish to bring up is - DON'T HATE yourself for being bi, I don't think God will hate anyone for being gay/bi, after all for many of us, it's not even a choice. I mean seriously, screw those people who only know to CONDEMN others (especially that they don't understand how hard it is to be gay/bi nor do they care to understand more). Ok "screw" is a bit strong, but what i mean is don't mind them, those people will always exist...if they really have the love of God, they would at least try to understand before making judgements. As for God, know that it's not his purpose to create you to be bi such that you will hate yourself and be sent to hell: "For God did not send His Son into the world that He might condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him." I am still going through the journey myself too and that's how i came to this website. I used to think that i can live in the closet all the way till I die but lately i do feel the urge of coming out (at least to some people). Not that i am going to start a relationship with some guy but i do feel all these years of lying and covering have been taking a toll on my relationship with others. It's hard to be genuine friends when there's this big lie that you have to fabricate all the time... I am not saying that i will come out to everyone, my family/some friends might not be able to take it well and i personally would still refrain from telling them the truth. But if you have some friends that are accepting, I would encourage you to be honest with them. That is speaking from my personal experience as being dishonest like me didn't really get me anywhere :<
Toby Toby.....If you haven't read my reply to Techn0path's post...please do so (first reply after his post). After finally accepting that I am and always have been gay, my major still remaining conflict was that I was a Christian who had been taught that being gay was a terrible sin. My post explains much about that. I am just finishing a re-reading of one of the two books that I suggested..."God and the Gay Christian" by Matthew Vines. It does an incredible job of making it clear that the Bible DOES NOT CONDEM committed same-Sex relationships as we know them today. The book is very thorough and because of that it is not a "quick read"...but it is really great. Also very good is "Torn" by Justin Lee. It covers the same ground, but is easier to read. Check these books out...they will help a lot. If you want to talk more about this...leave a post on my profile - I'll watch for it! ....David
Don’t beat yourself up about it. And anyway, the Bible says nothing against homosexuality.. even if it did, it says that love outnumbers all sins. I’m not saying much in this post because a lot of people have commented, but I wanted you to know people mistranslate the Bible’s words a lot.
If you haven't already, I suggest looking up and watching the movie "Prayers for Bobby". It's based on a true story (Bobby's mother is still a PFLAG activist) and I think it will really speak to you with regard to the issues of Christianity's condemnation of homosexuality.
