26 and Virgin

Surely this doesn't apply to femmes? The only thing I could think of would be to lie or "forget" to mention it.

 

I have had so many people ask me if their son, brother, friend, or co-worker is gay because the person was still a virgin and doesnt sexually harass every woman he see's and Im like "They are probably just shy". People say being a teen girl is hardest because of body image but I think being a teen boy is just as hard, not only to boys contend with body image they are also are forced to become macho-assertive-doms even if they are naturally shy. I remember in high school boys who were virgins past 16 were bullied and tormented until they lost it.

I was too was very, very shy in a sexual sense, my friend found out I was virgin when we were talking about sex and I seemed clueless about it and uncomfortable. Then we talked and he offered to teach only if I was okay with it, he is a very sweet person.

 

Actually it also applies to femmes.

Before I came out of the closet my (straight) female friends would completely disregard anyone who was a virgin (regardless of wether they were themselves virgin or not), even us ladies felt a lot of pressure to lose our virginity as early as possible or at least before we turned 18.
There are a lot of stigmas and bad connotation linked to virginity such as the idea that virgins are "completely clueless" and automically "bad in bed" so women tend to dislike that. Men on the other hand care less, they are expected to do "most of the work" in bed so don't mind as much wether the girl underneath them as a lot of experience or very few. In lesbian sex, sex is more complicated because sex is more equal, you kinda expect the same amount of participation from your partner as you put in and while in a romantic relationship you don't mind giving pleasure to your partner just for the sake of pleasing them, it doesn't really work like that when it comes to one night stands.

One of the first questions I am asked on dates with women is if I have every been with other women, I don't think they care much about the girls I have dated but they don't want to be my first and deal with everything that may involve. I find it slightly funny because having been with women before is no guarantee that I am any good in bed but it's apparently preferable to them.

So yes, I think it's actually tougher to be a virgin in the lesbian world than it is in the straight or even gay world especially if you are looking for a one night stand.

Lying or forgetting to mention isn't necessarily the best idea as people will probably notice very early on and if they don't they may well not be as nice/gentle/understanding as they would be if they knew so it's taking the risk of a bad first experience so I think it's always better to be honest when you can, there is nothing shameful about never having had sex after all (we all were there at some point!)

 

I don't think so.

Femmes can also be dominant and/or prefer to do most of the work (wear the strap-on, give oral, etc), while butches can also be submissive and/or prefer to receive sex acts. While there is such a thing as a dom/top butch x sub/bottom femme relationship as well, it is not 100% for lesbians. There are also femme/femme relationships as well.

Another thing I've noticed: But lesbians in particular seem to be wary of virgins as a whole because they worry about being experimented on or used. Obviously this is not always the case, but people draw from bad experiences.

 

This is very true I know tons of straight women that experimented, very few straight guys that will admit to it. Experimentation for women is far more acceptable than it is for men. This goes back to what I hear often from hetero guys "You suck one cock you're a faggot for life", these same men date and marry bisexual women.

 

As someone who was rejected for being a virgin, the right person won’t care if you are or not. However, there is always that apprehension when they find out you are. Best of luck.

 

I can imagine how deverstating this is. It makes me sad that so many girls are like this, I mean everyone was a virgin once why is it so important. Please don't give up or become ashamed, the right person really won't care.

 

Have you tried asking them what bothers them about your virginity? Is it your inexperiencecor the fact that you have never been with a woman and therefore may be experimenting? I ask because maybe you could modify how you introduce your virginity in the conversation depending on what's bothering them.

Personally, I would probably feel the need to say something to make them feel a bit silly about rejecting me just based on my lack of experience but that's me. Sorry this is happening OP

 

I'm going to say this. I personally remained a virgin until I was 21 years old. In my opinion you should embrace it and you'll eventually find the right person. It may take quite a few people before you find the right one, but you'll find the right one and you will know. Whenever it happens you should be comfortable with the person you're with and you should do it based on how you feel and not because someone is pressuring you into it. If someone really truly loves you it shouldn't be an issue. No one should ever let someone pressure them into sex, especially sex if you're a virgin, because one of two things will happen, you'll be super upset with yourself over it, orr you could possibly fall for someone who doesn't love you and you'll have your heart broken. Personally neither have happened to me, because I'm actually still with the person I lost my virginity to, but I've witnessed it happen to basically every female I know, gay and straight. Most of them lost their virginity because they where pressured and none of their relationships ended well, and I'd bet if I asked them today that they're still heartbroken about it, and it changed their lives, few of them actually for the worst. Which you said you are nearly 27, so it may not apply to you, all the girls I've seen this happen to where young which was probably a big factor in why they were so heartbroken. But yeah, comfortable and your decision. A big indicator for someone who is solely after your virginity would be someone who would make a huge issue out of it very quickly into the relationship.

I mean I'd had plenty of previous relationships, some of which ended because of the virgin issue.(seemed no one was mad because I was a virgin, but everyone was eager to take that from me) I even did some wild things in my youth and made horrible decisions, but luckily for me sex wasn't one of them. Sex wasn't one of them because as I mentioned above I'd seen too many girls be heartbroken by twerps who could care less about them. And when I did lose my virginity it was with my current girlfriend months after our relationship began and she only tried pressuring me one time, but once she saw I didn't want that she respected that, and she never tried pressuring me into it, which actually made me like her even more.

 

A lot of women are shallow when it comes to life experience unfortunately. :/

 

Why are you in a hurry to lose it? Sex should be like fast food, wham bam thank you ma'am. Sex should be like fine dining, time and care put into the preparing and most importantly enjoyed with the right person. Im glad I waited for somebody special.

 

I think it's not just women but men too, perhaps in different ways. The way I see it, anyone who is so shallow they aren't interested in me because of my sexual history, isn't someone worthy of getting that close to me.

 

Its just so weird to not want virgins, you'd think a person without bad habits would be preferable. A virgin is in essence a blank canvas to paint how you want. A virgin can be tailored to your sexual preferences. What you like and how you like it.

@WA1726 use these points to sell youre case.

 

Just b

It may not seem special now, but heed the warnings of others and please, please stay safe. Dont get roughly handled and used like a piece of meat, it happens I know. My honest advice is just to wait.

 

I think if a person is hung up on you being a virgin and don't want to be with you that would turn me off to them so fast I wouldn't even think twice to turn away. If you are just out for a fun night and sex then let it be just that. The person if it is the right person and looking for the same thing and they are enjoying their time with you won't need to know every detail or no details of you sex life. As for me though and this is just my personal advice I was more of developing a friendship which led into more. Just going out to have sex was not it for me and pretty meaningless, but if that is up your alley and what you want then just be careful and if someone you are with isn't on the same page as you then just move on because that person is not right for you.