See, I'm here as a lost soul, right. I am questioning absolutely everything about my sexuality. I always thought I could just keep it in, you know? Lately, when I go to public places and look around, I find it daunting, the fact that I will never be able to be anything to these beautiful creatures that even if we end up being friends that it's all we'll ever be. I cant do anything about my sexuality or go there and experience because where I live there are far too many concequences. Far too many... It gets frustrating really
Hey welcome to EC. There are many lost souls here and some found ones. i assume from your post you live in a place that isn't LGBT friendly......do you ever see a situation where you might be able to move somewhere else or not?
I think i started getting lost when i started trying to hide my sexuality and be someone else. But i just want to be happy,confident, and not paranoid about people finding out, but idont know how to get there
You just want to be yourself. I get that. Who are you out to? Is there anyone in particular you are worried about finding out?
Victorytea thank u for the post. Silverhalo, Im not really out to anyone, and scared anyone will find out. I did tell one friend but the relationship changed after that and i went back to being closeted
So are your family supportive? Maybe you could look and see if there are any LGBT meet up groups near you, that way before you risk telling other people in your life you could start building a support network on the side. I know it's super scary to open yourself up and make yourself vulnerable but it will be worth it, look at how sad it's making you at the moment.
Hey, HiThere80, you're welcome Silverhalo, thanks for the replies.They are much appreciated. I have been trying repress my sexuality, to keep it buried deep within me and it is definitely taking a toll on me. Despite the general circumstances, I find myself within a group of friends who are not exactly enemies of the LGBT community and I am very, very grateful for that. (When I tried introducing the subject of my sexualiy to someone outside my group of friends, it backfired so I quickly backpedaled.) Honestly, I feel that the beliefs I grew up in all intimidate me and restrain me from truly living or trying to live an experience so I don't know if I should really make a move towards putting a label or whatever. Sorry if this is confusing, I'm confused as well.
So do you have a label for it in your own mind? Do your immediate group of friends know about your sexuality?
VictoryTea, feeling comfortable about expressing your sexuality is something that is very common to many so please don't feel alone in that. It also seems your circumstance and your location or surroundings make it even more difficult for you to express truly how your feel without getting backlash. This is very difficult with the exception of developing close friendship that you completely trust like it seems like you have a few friends in a group like that. Other than that the possibility of getting out of the area you are in at some point may help you. I don't know if this is at all possible though. I would also like to add this about labels. It is not really necessary to put a label on yourself. Just live the way that makes you comfortable and happy. Whatever that is it doesn't have to have a specific label on it because it is YOU and that is the only label you need.
