Now if you've read any of my posts, you'll know that i identify as mostly straight. But today was... weird... While i was at work, i thought to myself that maybe i should try to check out guys to see if i get a genuine reaction to them. I tried to check out some of my males co-workers, and i don't know if what i felt was sexual attraction, but i had a feeling in my gut and lower region that felt similar when i check out a girl i like. Although i'm not sure if this was attraction or just me being nervous that i would find anyone attractive. During the entire check-out session, i tried to give myself a boner, but to no avail (not surprising, i usually don't get a boner from checking someone out regularly). But at that point, i knew i was trying to force something (i think) that wasn't there. Not only that, but when i was trying to check out a male co-worker, a female one passed by me and i ended up staring at her instead; almost like it was natural to me. But, when i was working in the front, a male customer with a feminine arch to his back caught my attention and i sorta got aroused by him. And that was what freaked me out for the rest of my shift. Not only that, but when i was masturbating to porn that featured fellatio; i started to have the though "what would it be like to give head" and images of me performing the action kept popping up while i was masturbating. What do all of these events mean?! Is it an indication? A sign? Or just some sort of fluke brought upon by my own anxiety?
Don't force it. If you're constantly checking, you could fool yourself into thinking you're into someone you're actually not (and vice versa). Just try to take everything in, and later you can reflect back on it and decide what those experiences meant to you. Would you be willing to follow through with giving head to someone? It doesn't sound like you might have some attraction to men. It's one thing to mistake a guy for a woman, but lose interest once finding out, but if you're indifferent or even turned on... could be a sign.
If i can honestly say for right now.... No. I think i only imagine myself giving head to female than a male. I have thought about it, but i don't think that's for me. As for the guy I described above, i sort of looked at him for a few seconds. I'd already felt paranoid at looking at most men today (for the obvious reasons above), and when i saw his "feminine" features, it sorta caught me by surprise. After he left, i sorta started freaking out about whether or not was really attracted to the guy itself, or just his more feminine features.
Probably feminine features, which are more common with women. You wouldn't be the first. Within the gay community, femininity is actually considered a turn-off for many, and I've met more lesbians who were into those types.
Again, not an indicator of orientation. Unless you specifically want to play men. Not even all or most gay and bi men are into it. That's sort of like saying someone can't be a lesbian if they play with dildos.
I guess i'm just afraid that i'm going to turn out like those people who are in their 40s and find out they're actually 90% gay.
I tend to do this too so try not to be so hard on yourself. I often feel like i'm "not attracted enough to guys" but you have to remember that often you don't have control over physical attractions. I like to treat it like it's a special feeling like "i'm usually attracted to any person with 2 boobs but you, you're special". When I see a man I'm attracted too it's almost like they give off like a special aura and it gives me hope in humanity I guess. IDK I'm crazy you don't have to listen to me if you don't want lol
