So, let me introduce myself. I'm a 19yo male student who's still virgin and has never had a girlfriend, for various reasons but mostly due to personal choice. Except when filling in a form, I never said I was "straight". Like, I've always known that gay/bi/whatever non-straight people existed, and I know quite a lot a them actually, but I never felt the need to define and label my sexual identity in contrast to theirs. I just happened to be sexually and emotionally attracted to girls and only girls. A few months ago, a conjunction of several but numerous minor elements lead me to ask myself "Am I gay?" and it provoked some kind of sudden gay epiphany: since then, this question never got out of my head and I began to check out other guys. Seems like now, I look as much at both genders in the street or in public transport, and I may even check out guys slighty more than girls. It's like I discovered all of sudden that male beauty does exist, and that I got a lil bored of female beauty. My feelings toward other guys' appareance sorta feel like attraction, but the thing is, when I'm alone and daydreaming I still think of girls only, same when I masturbate. Since I began to question my sexuality, I tried plenty of times to force myself to fantasize on guys and to watch gay porn, but both are meh. I mean, gay porn or thinking about having sex with a man don't disgust me but don't arouse me either, they're just plain uninteresting to me and leave both my mind and my penis indifferent. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ What scares me the most it that, according to a few stories here, there are cases of people who felt genuinly attracted to the opposite sex as they were growing up, then bam! At the end of the puberty or even years after, the fact they are actually 100% gay struck them as self-evident. A few months ago, I was getting closer and closer from having an actual relationship with a lovely girl who gives me those butterflies in the chest, but the idea of me possibly being homosexual lead me to temporarily burn my bridges with her. I've read a lot of testimonies of women whose husband came out of the closet lately and I feel so sorry for these ladies. I really don't want to inflict such suffering to whoever may be my future partner. I desperatly need to figure out my sexual identity before I break any girl's heart. Thanks in advance to those who will try to help me.
I can wholeheartedly relate to these feelings and concerns. As a woman, I am also finding myself in a similar situation where I am becoming uncertain with my true sexual identity, and thinking about breaking things off with a boy who I love but not sure if I'm in love with him. I don't want to hurt him, but I love his company. It's hard. Do you feel comfortable in broadening your horizons and experimenting with other men?
I'm sorry for you. I can't advice you since I'm stuck in the same situation. Er no, I don't. I chose to stay virgin instead of seazing my oportunities to have sex precisely because I definitly don't want to begin my sex life with one-night stands and experimentations...
I can completely understand that. I am not the type for one night stands either, but they do have a place to be beneficial. Definitely do what makes you happy, comfortable, and safe first and foremost. Maybe try causally involving yourself emotionally and romantically with a male and see where that takes you? I know for me, sexual attraction definitely comes after I feel emotionally connected to someone. If you find your wanting something more than just a deep emotional connection, then maybe that means you are attracted males?
