I've been talking to a guy and we are very emotionally involved. He came out to his dad as Bi one night so he could be with me, and it went horribly wrong. They ended up yelling at each other and it almost got physical. His mom and brother had to end the right. Then the next day, his dad yelled at both him and his brother for several hours. His dad had originally said that he wasn't supporting his college anymore and later that night his dad ended up disappearing. He didn't return for at least 24 hours. His dad gave him an ultimatum... He can either live in his dad's house, under his expectations, and get through college (wouldn't be able to be with me) or move into a dorm and start paying for college himself and be dead broke. We don't know what to do. He wants to do plan B but he's afraid that it's not realistic and that it'll be too hard. Any advice? He's also really upset with what happened to his relationship with his dad. They were really close before... And he says the only way to fix that would be to be with a girl. But he is attached to me.
Personally I would go plan A, as hard and as hurtful as it is. It will be near impossible to cover the costs of tuition, books, housing, etc on what he could earn, and he'd end up with 20 years worth of student loans. The current situation with any relationship isn't worth $100k+ worth of loans and financial hardship. Plus, there is always the possibility that dad's position will soften in a month or 6 months... But if he is defiant, Dad may dog in further. I personally think parents that do this sort of thing are the lowest of scum. And at the same time, they are coming from a place where they are afraid, and where they genuinely want the best for their children. It's hard to see it that way, but in Dad's mistaken mind, that is the thought process.
In a purely logical way, all emotion aside, I would suggest plan A. Fact #1: This is the one and only chance to not be stuck with debt for the next 20+ years which will greatly decrease standard of living for a very long time. Fact #2: Most relationships do not last more than a year or two anyway. There will be other relationships in the future. There will not be another chance to avoid being stuck in debt for decades. It makes more sense to take the permanent option that will never be offered again, instead of the temporary option which can be pursued later on. If plan B was used, what happens if you guys end the relationship next year? Then he has no relationship, and no way to pay for college, leaving him with nothing. It just doesn't make sense to risk that.
I'm inclined to go with Plan A. You're still both young, and if his relationship is strong it will survive this crisis. There is plenty of time to be with your partner after he has obtained a solid education. This will ensure a more stable life down the road with career options and financial stability with less debt. It's not that uncommon for people to react badly when someone close to them comes out as gay or bi. It takes time before we accept ourselves, so maybe his father just needs some more time to accept the situation before he calms down so they can both talk rationally, and hopefully salvage the relationship with him.
I think that plan A is clearly the right move, but I think if I'm honest with myself, I would have gone with plan B, not so much to save the relationship as just to be true to myself--independence and self-determination is definitely worth something, each person has to decide how much.
