Hey, everyone. I hope I'm in the right place to talk about this and ask for advice. I'm a 24 year old male (gay) in a solid and loving relationship. My boyfriend is 22 and we are 1st degree cousins. We don't feel related at all, since we didn't grow up together. I know we met each other for the first time when I was 5 (there are photographs of that family reunion, but we don't remember each other, of course) and we only met again a few years ago, when I was around 20. We started hanging out and we became very good friends, until after a year or so, when I confessed my feelings for him. That's when we started dating and we actually started living together, two years later. But no one in our family knows about our relationship. So, we've been living together for a year now, and things started to get serious. My boyfriend feels that we should somehow tell our family about our relationship, but I'm not sure about this. Our whole family know that he's gay (he came out when he was 14 or 15 and I remember hearing something about it). But no one in our family (besides my boyfriend, of course) knows that I'm gay. Our family think we are simply roommates... that's the story we told them at the time. My boyfriend says that he's starting to feel depressed and left out because of all this "hiding and pretending" in front of our family. And it hurts me to see him like this. He says we should tell them before they figure it out for themselves and that it won't be long until they do, because they know he's gay and that we've been living together... and neither of us ever show up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, so the fact that we're cousins won't stop them from wondering. Honestly, I'm terrified. They don't even know I'm gay and now I must tell them that I am, and that I'm in love with my cousin, and that we're in a relationship, all at once? It sounds like suicide to me. I'd rather let them figure it out on their own... Please, I need some advice. My boyfriend knows our family's reaction may be unpleasant, but he still wants to come clean. Should we tell them? And how, exactly? Is there even a good/better way to do it?
So... although I didn't get a direct answer for this yet, I did feel better after reading some comments to another post about intimacy between cousins. I feel more confident about this and I also believe my boyfriend is right. We've been talking and we decided we're telling his parents first, because they are the most open-minded in our family. And... I guess we'll start there and see how it goes. We still need to figure out how to approach the subject and when... I feel a bit sick when I think about it, but I think I'm done with the "hiding and pretending" too.
Hey! Hope you are doing better. I think you're in a great position to come out to your family. You are in a loving relationship and you live in a safe environment. I totally understand how terrifying it can be, not only coming out but also having a relationship with your cousin, but after the initial shock your parents will come around. Some take more time than others, but once you're there you'll feel free and connected to your family in a way you never had before. Hope I was helpful
Thank you for the support. His parents, brothers and sister, are usually pretty cool. I think we have a good chance with them. I'm not so sure about my parents or my brothers, though... That's what scares me the most. But if his parents get on our side, it might make things easier for us.
Feeling really bad today... Five people from our family know about us now... and only two of them are ok with us. One of them was a bit offensive while sharing their opinion and it hurt like hell... I don't know what to say anymore...
