1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

26 and Virgin

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by WA1726, Nov 22, 2017.

  1. WA1726

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2017
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    America
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    So I'm 26 going to be 27. So basically I am a 26 year old lesbian virgin with little sexual experience. I don't know how to navigate the world of dating very well. I know that I am not a great beauty, I like so say that I am over weight but have become more confident in my self. I have somewhat pretty face. So basically my question is how to I go about actually finding someone to I guess have sex with I am not really looking for relationship but I do want to have sex. It just seems that everytime I talk to someone and I tell them then I am virgin the conversation seems to stop. So any advice?
     
  2. SeulgiBunny

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2017
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Venezuela
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Do you would like visit any dating app? There you can find people to talk or just have sex.
     
  3. WA1726

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2017
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    America
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Yes but like I said once they hear virgin or inexperienced they tend not stay around
     
  4. Creativemind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    411
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Don't tell people you're a virgin if you're just looking for sex. Most people don't want casual sex with someone inexperienced, it's a lot of pressure.
     
    DirectionNorth and gravechild like this.
  5. Jackie Ray

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2017
    Messages:
    499
    Likes Received:
    77
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Try an older person, from what Ive seen there are some people that enjoy teaching, go to a sex class or group, you could even try swinging as long as you are okay with trying bisexuality at least once.
     
  6. WA1726

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2017
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    America
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Well I kinda have no choice in the matter in telling them that I am virgin it's pretty obvious I am a novice in this area. I am open to groups but I just don't know how to even be given the search for safe place to meet a person or a couple.
     
  7. fadedstar

    fadedstar Guest

    Please forgive my naivety as I'm in a similar position to OP but why is it considered a lot of pressure? I don't understand that mindset. Is there really that much learned technique involved? Is it really that noticeable? I would be interested in hearing a response from someone who does have a lot of experience...
     
    #7 fadedstar, Nov 22, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 22, 2017
  8. gravechild

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,425
    Likes Received:
    110
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think women get a pass on this one. They're seen as being more "pure", while men, well, its some undesirable trait. They're expected to be more experienced, dominant, etc.
     
  9. WA1726

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2017
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    America
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Well I just feel more comfortable being upfront with people. From what I gather it's already going to be somewhat awkward but if done successfully can be very enjoyable. So I want someone thats ok with being with a virgin but understanding that I am not looking for relationship/love.
     
  10. Jackie Ray

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2017
    Messages:
    499
    Likes Received:
    77
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Yes its very noticeable, because virgins are usually more apprehensive and awkward. Its not bad but some people are okay with teaching and some arent. I suggest older people that are still sexually active, they tend to be a lot less impatient and they have a lifetime of experience. Honestly women especially bi-sexual's should have very little trouble getting laid. Gay men who enjoy bottoming should also have an easier time.
     
  11. Jackie Ray

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2017
    Messages:
    499
    Likes Received:
    77
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    So true, I think gay men get more of a pass, I was 21 when I lost mine and I know a lot of gay men who remain virgins into their late teens early 20's. Its straight guys that have if bad, they are expected to lose it by 16 or they are a social outcast.
     
    gravechild likes this.
  12. WA1726

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2017
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    America
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I am not looking to lose my virginity because I feel pressured by societal norms truly. I know that I am finally ready to have sex. I just don't feel that i have to be in a relationship to have sex
     
  13. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Have you tried joining any LGBT groups? I'm not saying you will find more luck there but you might. There will be people out there who don't care that you are a virgin.

    I'm curious and nosy but you don't have to answer, how come you don't want a relationship? M not saying you should or there is anything wrong with sex outside a relationship I am purely wondering.
     
  14. WA1726

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2017
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    America
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I guess I just never seen the need for a relationship. But just like everyone else I do crave for physical intimacy.
     
  15. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yeah fair enough. I guess I am the opposite of that. I don't think I could be intimate with someone outside of a relationship but that's not saying either opis rightness or wrong.
     
  16. gravechild

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,425
    Likes Received:
    110
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I've heard it said elsewhere that its not uncommon for LGBT folk to be virgins in their late twenties, and one member was forty something and still a virgin! The whole "never had a girlfriend" seems to be a major sign for many members who later found out they were gay (perhaps because men are expected to make the first move).
     
  17. canadian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2015
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I was in the same position as you were until earlier this year. In fact, I even posted on EC about it, looking for advice about this exact situation. I wondered if women would care that I’m a virgin, how to go about telling them etc. It stemmed from my own insecurity, along with the fact that I only realized/admitted to myself that I wanted to be with women a few months earlier, when I was 27. That, coupled with the fact that a gay friend of mine said that if she met a woman at our age who hadn’t been with a woman it would be a “red flag” to her. The people here assured me that not every woman shared her feelings.

    That advice ended up being proven right just a couple months later and, at the age of 28, I did lose my virginity to a woman. I was up front with her about it and even had a mini freak out due to my inexperience early on into us getting to know each other. But, she was very understanding and said it didn’t bother her at all. She’s older than I am (35) and didn’t come out herself until she was 26 so it didn’t seem weird at all to her. We’re still together now.

    What I’ve learned is that not everyone understands their sexuality at the age of 12. If they do, great, but that isn’t always the case. Find someone who understands that and your inexperience won’t bother them. I know it seems very daunting, and I thought also I would never find someone who could possibly understand my situation. I did, and I know you will too. It’s hard not to worry but, trust me, there are understanding people out there!
     
    Jackie Ray, GaiaFr and WA1726 like this.
  18. Lin1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,336
    Likes Received:
    531
    Location:
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I actually think, and it's rather ironic I know, that it's harder to lose your virginity to a one night stand when you are older than it would be if you were looking for a relationship.

    Most people who are looking for just sex just want a night of fun, they usually don't have the time or wish to teach someone or risk having a bad night, it's a little bit sad but in a way I get it. I also think people don't necessarily want to be somebody's first, I feel like there's a lot attached to being somebody's first and not everyone is comfortable with it. What I have noticed though, is that women are much more romantic (as a whole) and are much more likely to be patient and understanding if you get to know them on a deeper level and manage to build a proper connection with them which isn't necessarily what happens with a ONS. It's probably also slightly linked to the fact that lesbian sex rarely involves the use of protection which means that a lot of women actually prefer building some kind of "relationship" with someone before being intimate with them as they are obviously subjected to more risk (which is something you may want to consider before engaging in casual sex with women whose sexualy history you don't know).

    All in all I think it's probably trickier to find a ONS when you are a virgin in the lesbian world but not impossible, say it early enough in the conversation so that women who aren't intrested let you know asap and keep persevering.

    Good luck OP, hope you find what you want!
     
    Jackie Ray likes this.
  19. Creativemind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    411
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That's only true for straight women.

    Women in general are turned off by virgins. Doesn't matter if they are looking for a male or female partner. Lesbians are expected to be dominant and assertive as well since majority of women of all orientations are submissive and looking for an assertive partner (male or female). I am also an older virgin and it is nearly impossible to find a woman ok with this. If I were straight, it would be so much easier.
     
    Jackie Ray and gravechild like this.
  20. Creativemind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    411
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That's why I clarified for "casual sex". People who want casual sex want someone who is good at sex. It is a complete waste of time to spend one night with a stranger who isn't good at it. You could just masturbate and get better (and safer in terms of STI's or pregnancy for hetero people) results.

    If you're a virgin and looking for a relationship, it's less pressure because romantic relationships are not based on just sex. Some people hold it a dealbreaker in relationships too, but it's easier to be patient since you get the romantic benefits AND you know you will have sex more than once so it may improve. With ONS it's a lot of pressure because people want good sex and not crappy sex. The only way I have known virgins to have ONS's is when they lie about their virgin status.
     
    Jackie Ray likes this.