I don't know what to do, but I'm hoping someone can help me feel a little less sad and confused about my situation. I have and have had an enormous crush on one of my friends for about 3 years now (gah, it's so cringy to think I've just been chillin with this crush for that long, ew sorry). I thought that everything would be easier once I moved away to college (about 2 hours away), but if anything, we've just gotten closer. I've always felt super awkward around her when it was just the two of us, (even though we get along amazingly and even tune other people out in groups soemtimes) but we recently joked about it, and while I'm glad I finally feel at ease around her, it's made me feel even more strongly towards her and it's kinda killing me. I'm not out to her yet, although I'm considering it, but what is possibly the worst part is the huge question mark surrounding her sexuality. My gaydar says she's a lesbian. Most of our friends agree she's probably a lesbian. She even had a few weeks in high school where she started to own that part of her sexuality before she got shooed back into the closet by her homophobic mother. Now I give her friendly advice about a boy she "likes," but honestly I've never felt threatened by her male interests because they just don't seem genuine. Anyhow, I don't want to rant endlessly, but the situation is a little stranger than just a hopeless lesbian falling for a straight girl. Any thoughts on what to do? I can't keep being this sad and pathetic after I have a great day with her, and I hate the idea that I'm spending all this emotional energy on a bad ending.
