So I'm 26 going to be 27. So basically I am a 26 year old lesbian virgin with little sexual experience. I don't know how to navigate the world of dating very well. I know that I am not a great beauty, I like so say that I am over weight but have become more confident in my self. I have somewhat pretty face. So basically my question is how to I go about actually finding someone to I guess have sex with I am not really looking for relationship but I do want to have sex. It just seems that everytime I talk to someone and I tell them then I am virgin the conversation seems to stop. So any advice?
Don't tell people you're a virgin if you're just looking for sex. Most people don't want casual sex with someone inexperienced, it's a lot of pressure.
Try an older person, from what Ive seen there are some people that enjoy teaching, go to a sex class or group, you could even try swinging as long as you are okay with trying bisexuality at least once.
Well I kinda have no choice in the matter in telling them that I am virgin it's pretty obvious I am a novice in this area. I am open to groups but I just don't know how to even be given the search for safe place to meet a person or a couple.
Please forgive my naivety as I'm in a similar position to OP but why is it considered a lot of pressure? I don't understand that mindset. Is there really that much learned technique involved? Is it really that noticeable? I would be interested in hearing a response from someone who does have a lot of experience...
I think women get a pass on this one. They're seen as being more "pure", while men, well, its some undesirable trait. They're expected to be more experienced, dominant, etc.
Well I just feel more comfortable being upfront with people. From what I gather it's already going to be somewhat awkward but if done successfully can be very enjoyable. So I want someone thats ok with being with a virgin but understanding that I am not looking for relationship/love.
Yes its very noticeable, because virgins are usually more apprehensive and awkward. Its not bad but some people are okay with teaching and some arent. I suggest older people that are still sexually active, they tend to be a lot less impatient and they have a lifetime of experience. Honestly women especially bi-sexual's should have very little trouble getting laid. Gay men who enjoy bottoming should also have an easier time.
So true, I think gay men get more of a pass, I was 21 when I lost mine and I know a lot of gay men who remain virgins into their late teens early 20's. Its straight guys that have if bad, they are expected to lose it by 16 or they are a social outcast.
I am not looking to lose my virginity because I feel pressured by societal norms truly. I know that I am finally ready to have sex. I just don't feel that i have to be in a relationship to have sex
Have you tried joining any LGBT groups? I'm not saying you will find more luck there but you might. There will be people out there who don't care that you are a virgin. I'm curious and nosy but you don't have to answer, how come you don't want a relationship? M not saying you should or there is anything wrong with sex outside a relationship I am purely wondering.
I guess I just never seen the need for a relationship. But just like everyone else I do crave for physical intimacy.
Yeah fair enough. I guess I am the opposite of that. I don't think I could be intimate with someone outside of a relationship but that's not saying either opis rightness or wrong.
I've heard it said elsewhere that its not uncommon for LGBT folk to be virgins in their late twenties, and one member was forty something and still a virgin! The whole "never had a girlfriend" seems to be a major sign for many members who later found out they were gay (perhaps because men are expected to make the first move).
I was in the same position as you were until earlier this year. In fact, I even posted on EC about it, looking for advice about this exact situation. I wondered if women would care that I’m a virgin, how to go about telling them etc. It stemmed from my own insecurity, along with the fact that I only realized/admitted to myself that I wanted to be with women a few months earlier, when I was 27. That, coupled with the fact that a gay friend of mine said that if she met a woman at our age who hadn’t been with a woman it would be a “red flag” to her. The people here assured me that not every woman shared her feelings. That advice ended up being proven right just a couple months later and, at the age of 28, I did lose my virginity to a woman. I was up front with her about it and even had a mini freak out due to my inexperience early on into us getting to know each other. But, she was very understanding and said it didn’t bother her at all. She’s older than I am (35) and didn’t come out herself until she was 26 so it didn’t seem weird at all to her. We’re still together now. What I’ve learned is that not everyone understands their sexuality at the age of 12. If they do, great, but that isn’t always the case. Find someone who understands that and your inexperience won’t bother them. I know it seems very daunting, and I thought also I would never find someone who could possibly understand my situation. I did, and I know you will too. It’s hard not to worry but, trust me, there are understanding people out there!
I actually think, and it's rather ironic I know, that it's harder to lose your virginity to a one night stand when you are older than it would be if you were looking for a relationship. Most people who are looking for just sex just want a night of fun, they usually don't have the time or wish to teach someone or risk having a bad night, it's a little bit sad but in a way I get it. I also think people don't necessarily want to be somebody's first, I feel like there's a lot attached to being somebody's first and not everyone is comfortable with it. What I have noticed though, is that women are much more romantic (as a whole) and are much more likely to be patient and understanding if you get to know them on a deeper level and manage to build a proper connection with them which isn't necessarily what happens with a ONS. It's probably also slightly linked to the fact that lesbian sex rarely involves the use of protection which means that a lot of women actually prefer building some kind of "relationship" with someone before being intimate with them as they are obviously subjected to more risk (which is something you may want to consider before engaging in casual sex with women whose sexualy history you don't know). All in all I think it's probably trickier to find a ONS when you are a virgin in the lesbian world but not impossible, say it early enough in the conversation so that women who aren't intrested let you know asap and keep persevering. Good luck OP, hope you find what you want!
That's only true for straight women. Women in general are turned off by virgins. Doesn't matter if they are looking for a male or female partner. Lesbians are expected to be dominant and assertive as well since majority of women of all orientations are submissive and looking for an assertive partner (male or female). I am also an older virgin and it is nearly impossible to find a woman ok with this. If I were straight, it would be so much easier.
That's why I clarified for "casual sex". People who want casual sex want someone who is good at sex. It is a complete waste of time to spend one night with a stranger who isn't good at it. You could just masturbate and get better (and safer in terms of STI's or pregnancy for hetero people) results. If you're a virgin and looking for a relationship, it's less pressure because romantic relationships are not based on just sex. Some people hold it a dealbreaker in relationships too, but it's easier to be patient since you get the romantic benefits AND you know you will have sex more than once so it may improve. With ONS it's a lot of pressure because people want good sex and not crappy sex. The only way I have known virgins to have ONS's is when they lie about their virgin status.