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Should I just talk to him?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Whiteguy12, Nov 16, 2017.

  1. Whiteguy12

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    I wrote a post last month about my crush on my best friend. We had a fight, and after that we haven’t spoken to each other. Sometimes he would try to push my buttons to get a rise out of me. That day he did get the best of me because he was saying really hurtful things and I was already having a bad day. Because I pushed back, he got really mad at me. I then yelled at him and then he said we are done.

    Two days after our fight I apologized and almost begged him to stay friends (humiliating I know). I felt bad about the fight. He said no and that he’s done (he kept saying it in a joking way which made it more confusing). It bugged me for a few weeks that our friendship ended over something so stupid. Eventually i started not hurting as much. I really loved him and we were so close, at least that is what I thought.

    A week ago, my friends talked about hanging out with me. He asked them if he could come- which before he wouldn’t say anything. My friends said no because they think it wouldn’t be a good idea because I would be there. I noticed he is starting to look at my stories that I post on social media. Before he would never look at anyone’s stories. My friends said he’s starting to mention me in stories and such. Are these small signs that he misses me?

    I am afraid to confront him and have him say “I told you already we are done.” I just don’t think I could go through that again. I thought if he cared, he would text me. However, he’s stubborn and I am like that too. I tried to fix it before but it didn’t work. Should I try again or just leave it alone? I would hate for him to reject me but I also hate that we aren’t friends. We literally fought over nothing. It still feels like a bad dream sometimes.
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! I guess one of the questions to ask yourself is what would be your motivation to reach out to him? What are you hoping would or will happen as a result?

    It is possible that he also has regrets on how things ended, and he is trying to find (indirect) ways to reach out to you. Admitting that he pushed your buttons, and you pushed back takes vulnerability and that often is one of the hardest things to overcome. Maybe play it by ear for now, and see what else happens. Stubbornness doesn't help all that much in these kinds of situations, but letting it play out a little longer might also give you some insights as to whether he might have changed somewhat or at least understands now that tying to push your buttons isn't a behaviour that a friend should be engaging in.
     
  3. Euler

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    Over the course of my life I have found out that people who really care about you will try to reach out to you. You already reached out to him once and he rejected you. If he wants to be your friend he will reach out to you.

    Besides, if you fought over something trivial a real friend would not get that mad. Either your friendship was dysfunctional to begin with or then the thing you fought over was way bigger than you thought.

    Do your common friends know about the fight? Maybe you could ask from a mutual friend why the other guy is so pissed if you really want to know what's going on but don't expect any miracles.
     
  4. Whiteguy12

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    I was dreaming about us being friends again and it made me miss him. I’ll wait and see what happens. Our friends know about the fight and they say he’s “dumb” for dropping me as a friend over nothing. Maybe there are other reasons I’m not seeing. I even told him after our fight that if I’m doing anything or did anything bad, to let me know so I can fix it. The more time that goes by, the more I realize how weird this situation has become. I wish I didn’t love him so much.
     
  5. Euler

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    In my opinion it's probably the best if you forget about this guy altogether.
     
  6. Whiteguy12

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    I just heard from my other friend that he might be moving out of state soon. There goes any chance of becoming friends again.