I need to help my boyfriend but I don't know what to do or if I'm just over reacting

My boyfriend messaged me last night. He said that his parents said he doesn't see them enough and that they threatened him with not letting him go to university (destroying his life goals). I have heard them compliment him once in the 5 months we have been together and the rest of the time they just insult him, make fun of him and tell him he doesn't do anything and that he is lazy. He is possibly the best son they could ask for. He does more than most arround the house, he looks after his little sister at an hour's notice and changes his plans so that his parents can go and get drunk ( they have 3 kids they should spend time with them instead of getting pissed).


I want to save him from his parents because they really aren't helping with his anxiety and they are just mean to him. I don't know if this is abuse but I feel like it is. He always makes excuses for his parents and is afraid to stand up to them whereas I want to go and slap them every time I see them because of how they act.

What can I do. I love him more than anything and just want him to be happy but I can't protect him 24/7 like I want to.

Any advice would be great.

 

Thank you. And your right, without knowing the situation it's hard to judge. He plays the constant insults off as jokes and says that it just how his family is. I worry about his insecurities and how his parents are making it worse. I think he is afraid of them. We are both 17 but I don't drink. We were round his families and I asked him if he wanted anything to drink (as in alcohol) he said he didn't have anything to drink but I said that there was beer outside that his whole family were drinking. When I suggested he asked for one he practically begged me not to say anything. It was like he was afraid of his family which isn't healthy in my opinion. I did asked and he was allowed some after them "jokingly" shouting at him.

This is the main thing that I worry about. It's like his parents have made him afraid to ask for help or for anything. They are not the richest but they literally give him no help. He has to pay for most of his meals himself both at college and at home when I stay round because he has to ask every time he wants to make something if it's ok for him to do so and to use that specific ingredient then he gets shouted at if he doesn't ask.

How do I undo this instilled fear and make him have a more healthy attitude to getting help and other people? I want to protect him but I can't do that when I'm an hour away (we both go to the same college/high school, we live in England so education may be different)

Any further advice would be great, thanks.

 

I understand what you mean about it being normalised and that is one of my main concerns, I usually try to give him whatever I can and make his life the best that I can when I am with him.

As for drinking, he does usually drink and did want to but just didn't want to ask. Me doing that was in impulsive way of me showing him that it is ok to ask for things. He was going to get a small bottle of vodka and just have it with some coke but he didn't end up getting it.

He has been to counselling before and it helped him significantly with his anxiety but he also knows that some of what his family does isnt normal but makes excuses, like that fact they don't have much money (I get really pissed of that they get drunk every weekend yet make him buy his own food". I had many physical problems as a child so my parents are allot more grateful than most, i'm not sure if i'm used to my family putting 100% but I think that should be the norm.

I come off as insulting when I talk to him about it but I get so worked up. I don't know how to protect him and make his life better other than when i'm with him. I think suggesting counselling would cause a massive argument between us as he gets really protective over his parents

Am I being crazy or are my feeling valid?