Something I am noticing about LGBT+ people

They are still outliers, though. They're the exception to the rule, and you're presenting it all as if it is the rule.

EC isn't about giving a one-size-fits-all, end-all-be-all solution to every LGBT person out there. It's about giving the support that LGBT people need when they need it. That's it. My point here is that when people are talking about family relationships, they're more than likely to be speaking from truth. If their issue doesn't get solved here, chances are it will get solved elsewhere, if it does. And that's fine. EC has helped many people, and that's what's important.

 

I'm sensing veiled agitation (I never said EC wasn't helpful.) People also seem to be straw-manning me pretty hard. I will not be posting on this thread any more, as it is quite clear despite numerous corrections and clarifications that people aren't getting it. My intention wasn't to debate the importance of outliers, causation and correlation etc but more to raise awareness for LGBT people with fucked up parents who are in need of support. Clearly I failed to do that effectively.

 

I am agitated, but I'm really confused, mostly because I fail to see exactly what your argument here is. I'm sorry if it feels like I'm strawmanning, but it's hard to decipher your point.

In your original post, you say this:

Then the conversation continues, shifting the focus, and you say this:

This is why I linked those studies. It doesn't just seem reasonable to think that, it is reasonable. And those studies illustrate why. If you have an issue with their credibility, or you have other evidence, then mention that.

As for my last post, I was responding to these.

If you didn't want to discuss outliers, then why were they the focus of these statements, one of which is bolded separately from the rest of your post?

My interpretation of your posts collectively was that there might be some amount of people that come here for support, when really their issue is best taken elsewhere because the core of it isn't LGBT-related. I was saying that if that's the case, then it's fine for that to happen, and EC isn't trying to help everyone. EC is mostly just a place for people to be themselves when they can't elsewhere, or talk about issues they otherwise can't offline because their circumstances don't allow them to. Support can be directly helping, true, but it can also just simply be a case of merely being there for others. And in many cases, that does directly help. That's what I was saying. My statements mentioning EC were mostly the role in support in general.

What is not okay here is to, for example, use EC as a hookup spot. Or spam. Nobody likes spam.

Again, I'm not really angry at all. I, like just about everyone else here, am just mostly confused because we've all tried to understand your point, and we've all seemed to miss it. So you may have to present it better.

 

Childhood "abuse" in general might be a cause of getting closer to the border line. Yes it could be my case. A cumulative effect of a few family and acquainted persons behavior. Since almost the age of ten or even younger I remember being ridiculed by my male cousins and others for not being a "strong" boy. That I could better be a girl. And almost at the same age being seduced by a twenty year old boy with whom I was very friendly into mastrubating him (which to be honest I deeply enjoyed, and looked for opportunities to sneak into his room and rather requesting him to let me do that), and at the age of twelve being seduced into full sex who cajoled me into removing my shirt before him and who pointed that my tits looked just like the tits of a twelve year old girl (I vividly remember innocently affirming that I was twelve in age). I maintained this relationship with him till my late teens and again in all fairness let me confess I deeply enjoyed the game. Even to this day the memories are extremely pleasant.

Now the question I, the legal and moral aspect of the crime committed by them as a pedophile, which was the cause and which the effect? Was I abused because I was extremely feminine and for them I being a boy was a softer prey for them as compared to a girl? Or I developed that extreme desire to be loved as a female because of the abuse??..

Who knows.

But whatever, I am happy with what I am. I neither blame them nor myself. It is just another experience of my life.

 

Interesting thought. Possible theory: straight sons and daughters slip under the radar because their sexuality doesn't cause friction, and it might not even bring out narcissistic behaviour in their parents. I know my straight siblings are much more patient of my father's abusiveness because they received less of it. My mother's borderline tendencies, though, affect us all.

 

The only confusing thing about this is...what if you 1) Never had a bad relationship with your parents and 2) Your parents were never opposed to LGBT.

I have experienced both of the above. I've always been a normal kid who loved my parents, and my Mom was super pro LGBT before I really came out. Even though I started out as a Christian, My Mom would remove me from the church if anything remotely homophobic was said. I got in more trouble for saying homophobic things than I ever did for being gay. Actually, the main reason I joined EC was never about my family, but because of society's general views and difficulty in finding love.

I guess the counterargument could be that I am gay purely because the environment was too happy/supportive in regards to LGBT, but yet my siblings are straight and they were raised the same way. It's hard to figure out the complete connection as many LGBT people were raised in pro-LGBT environments, and many straight people were beaten and tortured.

 

IDontKnowJoe, your topic/point has been very confusing. I don't think you were clear or you had too many points/thoughts.

I do have parents who are emotionally and relationally abusive, and this has nothing to do with being LGBT+. The abuse has been there since as far back as I can remember (around 4) and there was nothing "gay" about me back then. I also know my parents dysfunction goes back before they married. The reason I am in the closet now, is because I know how unhealthy they are and I don't desire that abusive behavior to attack my sexuality too.

Maybe this is just my perspective, maybe I haven't run into people telling me or others that our issues are due only to being lgbt+ in a homophobic world/family. To me it's a given abusive parents/family exist before the child is even birthed. It's a given that a person issues and struggles aren't wholly from one source (being LGBT+). It's a given that parents play a large role in our development. When I reply to topics, I do acknowledge issues as unrelated to sexuality or strife caused by being LGBT+. Not perfectly of course, but this is just a forum. I'm not a paid therapist. I do encourage people to seek out help from a safe source like a therapist where their needs might get met. This site isn't suited to address all the complex needs and nuances of life, and I think that's okay. I think even a forum directly related to addressing abuse will fail to meet those needs too. Having a very specific site gives people a starting point to deal with certain issues.

My main point is, I think it's broadly understood that some parents have always been abusive and a child's problems are from said abuse, not because they are LGBT+. Issues would still exist regardless of sexual orientation. It's a given those needs to be given attention and addessed as their own issue.

Maybe your point is going over people's heads because it is a given?

Do you feel like your parents or people blame your sexuality for your struggles, rather than acknowledging their part in it?

I have done the research on abuse and LGBT+ because it would be easy for my family or I to blame abuse or my parents for my sexual orientation. Like many, I don't find solid proof that abuse is the cause. Knowing my parents, they will blame each other, everyone, and everything outside of themselves for my sexuality and unrelated struggles. That is fustrating.

 

Maybe, I think a lot of it is how it affects us ourselves. Just like a lot of my straight friends are shocked that occassionally people shout things at my girlfriend and I if we walk down the street holding hands, it's very infrequent but occassionally it happens. My straight friends don't know it exists because they don't see it, just like in my eyes over here there isn't much racism but I'm sure there is more than I think it's just I don't see it. I'm not saying your siblings didn't see any of what happened but I'm sure it is a sliding scale.