My Life Got Flipped, Turned Upside Down

I know there are so many great posts in this forum that I will read to help my sister and family adjust to this new revelation, but I need the catharsis of getting my feelings out. So, thanks for being here, EC. I apologize in advance for the insensitivity and self-centeredness I'm about to portray within my confusion.

Recently, my sister told my parents and I that her friend Jessica was more than a friend. She said it fast and then left the room, obviously scared about the potential fallout. My mom and I looked at each other with looks of confusion and then hesitantly said, "Ohhh.. is she seeing a girl? It sounds like she's seeing a girl..." The two of us tracked her down, gave her hugs and told her that we loved her and if she's happy, we're happy. My dad didn't have much to say until gently prodded by my mom... "I'm sick. I'm sorry; it doesn't change how much I love you, but I heard you say it and I just feel sick..." Tears galore, with my sister hurt, but unsurprised and my dad hurt and upset by his own reaction. Hugs have been exchanged and the dynamic between the four of us has stayed normal and loving... but it's definitely at the forefront of everyone's mind.

I'm 27, my sister, 25. We've grown up blessed (or cursed, I suppose...) without much adversity within our family, so I am terrified for her. My mom's and dad's families are both very conservative and have no openly LGBT family members. My sister's coming out with this relationship is a shock for the three of us, for she's had dated only guys throughout the years and has really never openly alluded to even being an LGBT ally. That being said, it's 2017 and more and more people are coming out, so my sister and I, and even my conservative grandparents, have LGBT friends, their sexual orientation a nonissue.

Oh, but it's amazing how perspective can change once the controversial issue hits close to home, isn't it?! I'll support my LGBT friends and their relationships without any hesitancy, but this... just hits me differently.

Anyway, my sister is "just as surprised about this as [we] are," about her preference, has reportedly never been interested in another girl, has only been seeing Jessica for one month, and is positive it's the real deal. For feelings this strong, I'm hesitant to believe she's being entirely forthright with her history of never having feelings for another woman. It shouldn't matter to me, but if this is the first she's experienced feelings like this, I'm worried that she's going "all-in" too quickly, and she's going to end up very hurt when our extended family struggles to accept her. (She said without provocation, "You can tell the family, I'm not going to." My parents and I are on the same page: we'll support her WHEN/IF she wants to tell, but it's not our business to introduce the idea...) We're close to our family; if she's known about her orientation for a while, I'm astounded by her ability to act as if their general homophobic comments over the years have not impacted her.

Of course, they could all use a shake-up when it comes to accepting anything beyond heterosexuality, but there's a conviction in many of my family members that I simply cannot see changing. I hope that I'm incredibly wrong. My sister is without a doubt my all-time favorite person ever put on this earth and I truly do want her to be happy, whatever her picture of happiness looks like... but for some reason, I can't stop crying selfish tears. ("This can't be real," "This could be the last Thanksgiving I get to spend with my whole family," "why?!") ... Yeah, I know this isn't about me and I'm an asshole for even having these thoughts. Again, ALL TIME FAVORITE PERSON EVER ALIVE, so these are also empathetic tears, too, and I cannot imagine the courage it took for her to tell the three of us. She's braver than I ever could be. I know we need to talk about it more so that I can get past my personal issues, but it will be a while before she's willing to share more details, I think.

Sooooo, EC community, I feel better after that train-of-consciousness-diary-entry, but I still feel compelled to post it. Can anyone help me find acceptance? Get over myself? Come to peace with the idea that sharing this piece of her identity with us and the rest of the family really IS the only way my sister has the chance at a full life? I cognitively know it, and want to 100% believe it, but my heart says "take me back to before I knew." Sigh. I'm sorry that I feel this way... but I do.

 

Silverhalo, Thank you SO MUCH. I don't really know what more to say than that. Your virtual hugs and words (basically more hugs) are just what I needed to hear. MANY hugs back to you! Thanks for shedding some more light onto this for me... <3