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Am I gay or not ? Also lost my sexual sensation two years back.

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Srinath, Nov 19, 2017.

  1. Srinath

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    I am from Sri Lanka (An island down to the India) I am a Buddhist and A Sinhalese. When I was a small child i used to change the male character's clothing to women's clothing in mind, when i was reading children's books. Now I think that It was like a cross-dressing fantasy.

    Anyway growing up, I was into girls, but never had the courage to ask a girl out, however, when i was 13 years old, at school a same age kid who lives in a Shanty nearby started touching my thighs softly, I was aroused immediately, and this thing between us continued for months until he stopped coming to school. I didn't had any homosexual "thing" with anyone else. btw we didn't even kissed on lips, it was just gently rubbing penises and thighs.

    Time passed,

    My dad got us a internet connection when i was 17 years old so I started watching Lesbian (Women Seeking Women's Lesbian Seduction Series, It's very realistic) and Straight Porn. I graduated and started doing a job so my family gave me a entire room to move in, I took the computer to my own room and watched porn daily, That's where i started watching gay porn too. then i was only watching gay porn.

    Then back in 2013 i lost sexual feelings completely. That's called orgasmic dysfunction. I mean i get aroused and all when there's a straight sexual thing going on but i don't feel anything. It's been years and I dunno how to fix this. I started taking meds for depression and social anxiety too.

    Back in 2016 I found out pornographic category on ****** called gay fantacy, gay humiliation and femdom porn. and I felt the sexual pleasure for the first time in years and that was it, it didn't worked either after the first day.

    In my country Nobody likes gay people. They laugh at them (I have to laugh at them to fake it) :frowning2: but My religion the Buddhism allows anyone to be gay or straight as they please. Buddha says that what matters is what's in your heart. So that's a relief :slight_smile:

    Anyway can you guys tell me how to fix ths. It's been years since i felt sexual pleasure and I don't know whether I am gay or not.
     
    #1 Srinath, Nov 19, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 19, 2017
  2. Srinath

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    Btw I live alone with no friends at all. I think I am Severely Depressed so I am taking medicine for in since last year. But they aren't working either :frowning2:
     
  3. fadedstar

    fadedstar Guest

    I don't know if this is at all helpful but maybe you could try and focus on just developing emotional/romantic connections and friendships with people instead. And forget about porn/sex for a while. Maybe your brain is trying to tell you that you are on the wrong path in life by giving you "orgasmic dysfunction."
     
  4. Islanzadi

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    Hi, I don't know how to fix that, but since your loss of sexual pleasure corresponds to the period of time you started taking meds for depression, it's very likely that these meds caused your low sex drive, or it could be the depression. Depression makes it hard to feel any pleasure, including sexual pleasure. I think before thinking of sex, you should try to get your depression under control, and then work on your relationships and sex.
     
  5. Srinath

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    What you said also crossed my mind, maybe my mind is playing tricks on me. Who knows

    I never had relationship with nobody so, that's a thing i have to work on and i started taking meds after i lost my sexual pleasure. I could overcome the social anxiety but the depression is still there.
     
  6. Islanzadi

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    It's hard to love somebody else when you don't love yourself. Take care of yourself first. Depression meds only alleviate the symptoms to help you work on what is causing the depression, they don't cure it. Get therapy, change the things in your life that make you unhappy and come at peace with yourself. Only then will others be able to get into your life.
     
  7. Srinath

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    Thank you for your kind words Islandzadi.. I will look forward to make necessary changes in my life. But I need some one or some people to hang on to. I need someone to talk to. To discuss things you know.. But i don't trust people that easily too.